The media coverage of the election was as much fun as the politicians themselves.
BUILD THAT WALL AWARD: NZ Herald
While the coverage of the election was painfully earnest, bland and terribly middle class we all had some bright moments of respite. David Cormack, Simon Wilson and Matthew Hooton were all behind the Herald paywall, which meant no one had to read them, and be honest, didn’t it feel better? It did didn’t it. Let’s keep them all behind that wall forever and demand Mike Hosking, Hawkesby and the rest of the ZB Troll Farm can all be housed there too.
12 ANGRY MIDDLE CLASS PEOPLE AWARD: Stuff Editorial Photos
How middle class is Stuff? Jesus wept, every day the byline of editorial staff writers looks like the angriest middle class jury you’ll ever face at court for not mowing your berm. The only way these bylines could be anymore middle class is if they were swapped out for pictures of pink volcanic salt and Bruschetta recipes.
SADDEST PUNDIT AWARD: Ben Thomas
It’s been a hard year for Ben, Hoots destroyed all the credibility of the right wing consultancy company he works for and as National continued to meltdown, Ben got sadder and sadder and his low energy vibe during the last few weeks is what we in the broadcasting industry call a ‘ratings killer’.
Ben ‘Ratings Killer’ Thomas gloomed the Q+A studio down from a bright platform for the examination of the issues of the nation to a dark sad chamber of grief.
Flowers on set wilted. I’m sure moving the Auckland Port north will cheer him up though.
WORST CLOTHING DECISION – Jessica Mutch & Liam Hehir’s Polo T
What were the TVNZ wardrobe department thinking? IT’S THE SAME SHADE OF PURPLE! The least effective right wing voice in NZ is the boyish Liam Hehir. His contribution on any panel discussion makes as much impact as a fart in a sewer, but his latest wardrobe style of paramilitary black turtle necks is a hot look for anyone living in the 1970s or modern day Manawatu. Expect to see Liam’s wardrobe a lot more now the Business community are outraged they can’t make money because of the virus. In fact just Liam’s empty turtle neck might make more impact than if he turns up wearing it.
50 SHADES OF NO WAY – Polly Gillespie’s Right Wing Lover
When Polly Gillespie’s Right Wing Lover wasn’t satisfying her extensive range of appetites in a 50 Shades of Wellington style sexual psycho drama, he was plotting the downfall of the team of 5 Million. Thankfully for Labour, he has very little strength left after the energetic love making and due to dehydration and muscle cramps isn’t able to physically vote. Polly’s revelations about her secret right wing lover left us all feeling like we had been left in the wet spot even though we were several kilometres away.
BEST POLITICAL PODCAST: Waterstone Election Specials
If you didn’t think I’d pick my own Podcast as the best, you haven’t read this blog much. Our latest one is comedic genius, why the fuck can’t we get NZ on Air funding? Why does it all have to go to Tom Sainsbury?
Best Political Panel – The Working Group, MagicTalk 2pm Fridays
Again, if you didn’t think we were going to pick our own panel show, honestly, this must be the first time you’ve ever visited this blog.
GELDED MALE BROADCASTER 2020: John Campbell
Poor old John Campbell. He is the burning bright light of meaningful public broadcasting in this country and makes Breakfast TV the only option in the morning, yet the TVNZ Execs beat all the John Campbell out of John Campbell for TVNZs first debate and it ended up with a very gelded John cowering in the corners of the debate the way any male from Wellington behaves. Sad, sad day for NZ Broadcasting.
GANGSTER 2020 – Paddy Gower
We get it Paddy, you smoked a joint. That’s as bad arsed as Mediaworks gets these days. Did more to explain the referendums than the Government managed and hosted the best Leader’s Debate
SELF HARM WATCH 2020 – Mike Hosking
For the last 3 years, Mike has been breathlessly screaming that the country was always on the verge of collapse. I’m not sure how he’s going to cope if Labour win tonight, can we get him a trigger free safe space and an emotional support peacock please?
Worst Woke Social Media Lynch mob – Michael Morrah
Most of the Wellington Twitteratti are either employed by a Union or a Government agency so any criticism of their precious Bureaucrats provokes the kind of territorial pissing matches reserved for Grizzly Bears during Salmon catching season right after a fierce session of love making. When Michael Morrah had the temerity to question competence, the woke went into rage mode. This is the same Ministry of Health who fucked up the Measles epidemic last year, but any criticism of Saint Ash is sacrilege to the pro-bureaucratic Wellington Twitteratti so Michael Morrah transforms from investigative journalist who exposes environmental vandalism by our fishing industry into a shrill right wing hater who lies about Saint Ash??? Can the woke please go back to sleep?
Best TV Interviewer – Jack Tame
His Winston Peters interview is a now a thing of broadcasting legend. Jack is easily one of the best Fourth Estate TV Journalists TVNZ has and did more to hold Politicians to account than almost anyone else.
WORST PUNDIT 2020 – Hooton
What the fuck was he doing?
He went sober and adopted this pious warrior philosopher poet schtick as his promise for personal development post all the Dirty Politics Machiavellian stuff, and he almost did it.
He had bewilderingly been allowed back into the media as a commentator no questions asked after Hager’s book and he went back to Uni for his philosophers stone and he dodged the defamation implosion at the NBR for the prized straddling of the NZ Herald + RNZ platforms.
His columns were infuriatingly incisive, destructive and declaring the end of Jacinda’s Government every month.
He had mana, he had fear and he had respect.
Then he pimped for Todd Muller in a coup fuelled on the false confidence of a tall man and the cowardice of backbench MPs and set National into a death spiral it can’t pull out of.
Was the bloodlust for one more power-roid chance to grasp at the precious too much for sober Gollum?
Is that what happened?
Because fuck that entire Muller fiasco was unbelievably destabilising.
What does Hooton do for an encore after that? Amputate his own leg with a can opener?
BEST BURN 2020 – Ardern on Hosking
BEST INTERVIEW: Kim Hill vs Judith over Gerry’s Conspiracies
Wasn’t it just magnificent? I haven’t seen something dragged this badly during an interview since that Kauri swamp log accidentally cut the petrol supply off to Auckland. It was bone cutting Kim Hill and her best.
BEST NZ ON AIR DIVERSITY FUNDING APPLICATION – The Spinoff
The Spinoff looks less like journalism and opinion from middle class Millennials you couldn’t stand having to make small talk with and more like a NZ on Air diversity funding application form. It’s all so safe, so tedious and so Wellington.
BEST MEDIA CAMPAIGN FOR REASON – Russell Brown’s Cannabis referendum
His cannabis referendum championing may be one of the reasons it passes. All hail Comrade Brown!
BEST ELECTION COVERAGE – The Hui, Te Ao with MOANA, Marae TV & Native Affairs
Māori media this year provided a depth of coverage, a realness of debate and a genuine respect for all those participating that eclipsed any of the other mainstream media. Why is it when Facebook is spawning conspiracy theorists that Māori media who have provided the best journalism get bugger all money?
On the election night we are plotting and you are welcome…
…and I will be covering the election live on MagicTalk from 7pm on Saturday with Sean Plunket, Damien Grant and a host of others.
We will try and call the election before Radio NZ.
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