GUEST BLOG: Bryan Bruce – Weekend Satire

(In the style of a skit about Malcolm Turnbull by the late John Clarke and Bryan Dawe remembered with a smile and affection.)
Scene : The School Principal’s Office
FX: Knock knock!

Principal: Ah! Chris. Come in.

Chris: You wanted to see me sir?

Principal: Yes Chris. You’ve been Head Boy now for what.. just on 100 days?
Chris: Yes sir.

Principal: And what positive things have you achieved for the school in that time?

Chrs: Well, I..(hesitates trying to think of something)

Principal : (frustrated ) Look Chris… we chose you as Head Boy to take the school forwards.
Instead- what have you done? You’ve taken us backwards!

Chris : It’s not my fault sir..they won’t do what I tell them.

Principal: Who won’t ?

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Chirs: Winston and David sir. They gang up on me.

Principal : How do you mean?

Chris : (starts to look a bit weepy) Sometimes they call me names..

Principal : What sort of names?

Chris: Lux Flakes…

Principal: Why’s that?
Chris: Don’t know they just do! (sniffs)…. And ..sometimes they corner me in the Prefect’s Room and say I won’t be Head Boy anymore if I don’t do what they say. ( sniffs again )

Principal: What do they want you to do?

Chris : (hesitates) …They say because I’m Head Boy I should ask you for things.

Principal: What kind of things?

Chris: Like can we change the name of playtime to ‘smoko’?

Principal: Why?

Chris: So we can smoke or vape sir.

Principal: Whose idea was that?

Chris: Umm .. Winston and Casey.

Principal: Who’s Casey?

Chris: She hangs out with Winston.

Principal: ( clearly not happy) mmm…What else?

Chris: Well David says we should stop giving lunches away at school.

Principal: Why?

Chris: Save money..

Principal: Why?

Chris: So we can buy other things.

Principal: Like what?

Chris: Well.. like..Guns.

Principal: Guns? What kind of guns?

Chris : umm…Semi -automatics.. David’s friend Nicole says they are good fun and we should be allowed them at school to play with .

Principal: (incredulous) What??

Chris : Just for sport sir. And you’ d have to be in the gun club to fire them.

Principal: Do YOU think those are good ideas that will make our school better Chris? Do you??

Chris : Well… I don’t know..really…I…

Principal: No you don’t do you Chris …You’ll say anything just to stay Head Boy ….. I have to say Chris you are letting us all down …Are you proud of yourself?

Chris: I…( hesitates)

Principal : (Frustrated) Tuck your shirt in Chris .. and why aren’t you wearing a tie?

Chris: The Year 9’s like it sir. Makes me more accessible.

Principal: (Rolls eyes) Good grief…

(pause) So you have a plan for the next 100 days?

Chris: (looks downcast) Not really.

Principal: ( sighs)

Close the door on your way out would you ?

Bryan Bruce is one of New Zealand’s most important and respected documentary makers. 


  1. Brian Bruce is a very welcome addition to the bloggers here.
    Another reason to read TDB.

    You and Geoff above, are right. Describes wobbly Luxon to a T.
    He is the guy who just wants to be popular, whatever it takes.

  2. Satirical but sadly true.
    This is the most pathetic government I have ever seen in my 50 odd years of voting.
    God knows where we are going to end up.


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