First Day of 53rd Parliament 2020 – Winners & Losers

Billy TK, Jami Lee Ross & Peter Goodfellow own the Libtards by warning everyone that Jacinda’s Scarlet Socialist Guard will take over Parliament – AND IT HAPPENED!

The mighty 53rd Parliament of the Land of the wrong white crowd roared from Maui’s Giant Fish Mouth this week as all the pomp and circumstance of a small South Pacific Kiwfruit Republic fuelled on coal and hyper dairy paraded our cheap democracy for all the world to see!

Like a prom night in a lonely rural community molested by meth addiction and alcoholism, New Zealand’s  53rd Parliament had winners, it had losers and it had the people it is supposed to serve as alienated and distant as ever before.



Māori Party Hats – For the sheer pantomime of political theatre, the Māori Party storming out over some perceived slight against their Mana was comfortably millennial in its micro aggression policing while also displaying a wonderful collection of hats! Too often the Hat is a forgotten accessary in todays wardrobe selections and seeing the Māori Party make such a concerted effort to wear hats lifts the sartorial class of the Speaking Chamber while opening the door for Chris Bishop to start wearing his ‘I heart Judith until Bridges trusts me in his coup’ Trucker Cap into Parliament.

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Ibrahim Omer – What a beautiful journey Omer has embarked upon. He fled Eritrea and civil war and worked his way up from cleaning jobs, picking fruit and getting a University degree to end up in the most Passive Aggressive place on earth. You don’t know whether to celebrate or commiserate with him. It’s difficult to imagine Wellington is marginally better than civil war torn parts of Africa.


Jacinda’s zinger smack down – Oh she had a goodie didn’t she? After Judith brought up the housing crisis, big J smacked little J down hard Brosef!

“I will not be lectured by the leader of the Opposition [whose party] left us a housing crisis”.


Jacinda refuses to be lectured to on the housing crisis, especially when she’s managed to do sweet fuck all in 3 years and just pumped a hundred billion into the pockets of property speculators in an obscene orgy of failed trickle down theory!


No lectures from you Judy!


The Professional-Managerial Class (PMC) Fresh from knowing what’s best for you, the Professional-Managerial Class that is now the Labour Party knows with all the instinct of a WINZ Officer, what’s in your best interests. Apparently locking every generation after Boomer out of a house is what is best for us all right now.

And no light rail.

And no lift in Welfare.

And no wealth tax.

And empty gestures on the climate.

Those are all totally in our interests apparently.

All hail our new Wellington Mediocrity Overlords!


David Seymour – WILL SOMEONE PLEASE PUNCH THAT SMIRK OFF HIS FACE! Thank you to all the woke activists who handed him the free speech ammunition and allowed him to reignite a once dormant vein of right wing political resentment.

Well done Woke Activists, what’s your next trick, turn the entire country against the Left by cancelling everyone who disagrees with you?

Oh you are already working on that?




Covid – The biggest winner on the day was Covid. It won Labour a majority and keeping it out of NZ forgives Labour’s tepid nothingness on a range of vital domestic issues. As the plague explodes globally around the world and the deaths mount in a mad dash of grief and carnage before the widespread release of a vaccine, Jacinda can start burning kittens in the street and New Zealander’s would blame the kittens for being so combustable. As long as she keeps us Covid free, she doesn’t have to do anything meaningful on housing, poverty, climate change and inequality.



National – Nothing sums up the total implosion of National quite like the difference between this weeks opening of Parliament and the opening of the 52nd Parliament. At the opening of the last Parliament, loveable rogue Simon Bridges performed a master class in chicanery, treachery and political theatre. He pretended to keep counting the Government and pretended it didn’t have enough MPs in the house to pass Mallard’s Speakers confirmation. To embarrassingly screw up Trev’s big day was an abomination that wouldn’t be tolerated, so Chippy swallows Bridges bluff hook line and sinker and doesn’t even check himself and instead has to cut a deal whereby Labour crucially handed over seats on select committees that would have ramifications for the entire 52nd Term!

This week however, National looked like a bitter gaggle of sulking ‘Ok Karens’ who had just been told they have to mow their own berm and that they can’t talk to a manager.

Oh how far the mighty have fallen.


Kelvin Davis – What the hell just happened? Barely hours after Kelvin Davis shows his slavish devotion to Oranga Tamariki and promises to be a more captured Minister than Carmel Sepeloni is, and what do Oranga Tamairki do to their new Minister?

They throw Kelvin Davis under a fucking bus just as Parliament is opening!!!

NO ONE told him that Newsroom had just published a damning new Oranga Tamariki documentary THAT OT HAD KNOWN ABOUT where OT staff are now stealing Māori children off white step families AFTER TELLING the kids this was a ‘forever home’. The white elderly couple who had opened up their lives to these young children, SOLD THEIR HOUSE to buy  a bigger one for these kids after they had been told the placement was permanent!

I mean, if you wanted a more damaging incendiary device in NZ politics, you would need to plant a pipe bomb in a vegan kindergarten!

Oranga Tamariki, terrified that their despicable uplift program is getting them in trouble with their new political masters are now investigating all previous placements, finding the new families are ‘too white’ and now – DESPITE TELLING  THE KIDS AND CARERS THAT THIS PLACEMENT WAS PERMANENT,  Oranga Tamariki are just stealing them back!!!

These despicable, arse covering, Wellington bureaucrats are just jaw dropping in their venal self preservation skills aren’t they?

Kelvin Davis has been set up, the Government has been set up and Oranga Tamariki are showing the type of self interest that would make your average drug cartel blush.

This is a political emergency, once the rest of white NZ understands what Oranga Tamariki were doing here this will explode with rage because stealing babies off Maori is tolerated, removing them from elderly white folk who have sold their house and been told the placement was permanent, oh sweet Jesus, Oranga Tamariki may as well have taken a shit on an ANZAC memorial war grave while wearing a ‘Meat is murder & Rugby is dumb’ T-shirt.

Kelvin either fires Grainne Moss now or he gets really cruel and reads more of his Poetry to every Oranga Tamriki staff member.

I joke, but Labour is fucked here.

This is going to explode.


James and the Giant Tie – James Shaw wants to ban Ties in Parliament because Ties represent the Heteronormative white cis male noose of patriarchy.


The Climate – What better way to deflect progressive criticism of a timid policy agenda than the empty gesture of declaring a Climate Emergency?

You will remember Labour did this last term. When they were under a lot of criticism for being too timid on policy, Jacinda suddenly announced a ban on future oil and gas exploration and the criticism faded.

This is the same trick.

Don’t get me wrong, of course we are in a fucking climate emergency, I’ve been banging on for years and years that this is THE existential crisis of our age and that only radical reform of the economy and society is our only chance to adapt to the grim new future , but a climate emergency announcement is just a symbolic gesture that actually does nothing.

Yay. More incremental change in order to hold the middle ground as the planet burns and races towards extinction level thresholds.


Cannabis users – Because 50.7% want to criminalise the other 49.3%, that’s a perfectly acceptable outcome to continue a racist drug law. Yay the tyranny of democracy and the reduction of positive social policy down to the fiat of naked majoritarianism.


Beneficiaries – Have more chance of Santa Claus giving them Christmas cheer than Labour. A fictional corporate mascot will do more for beneficiaries and diabetes this season than a Labour Party with an unprecedented MMP majority.


Renters – Can go fuck themselves. Labour have poured billions into the pockets of property speculators, if only Labour could care as much about the renter as they do about the white haired gold dripping boomer speculator.



I don’t care about their bloody speeches from the Throne anymore, I am over their words.



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  1. Those Covid Wardens and Wrong Turn Ardern are going to upset too many people to win in 2023…

    Here are the numbers
    – 1.4 million Kiwis voting for Cannabis Law Reform
    – 45,000 Kiwis on Benefits
    – 250,000 Kiwis who cannot afford a first home according to various NGOs
    – 300, 000 Kiwis who will NEVER vote Labour for various reasons

    That’s close to 2 million Kiwis with a reason NOT to vote Labour 2 months after the election results…

  2. Didn’t vote Labour anyway.
    Why is anyone surprised by Labour’s uselessness??????
    Did the sheeple actually believe Winston was a handbrake?
    The Maori Party are pathetic.
    Aren’t the Greens utterly nauseating?
    Gawd Kelvin is naive.
    Better learn how to get a bit of Mongrel from cousin Winston maybe?
    Only bright spot for me is that Maori will progress under this government and gain further power.

  3. Thanks Geoff…I believed 45,000 Kiwis benefits was a very low figure…More Kiwis have a reason NOT to vote for Labour in 2023…

    Making the revised figure over 2 million Kiwis — who have a reason NOT to vote Labour in 2023

  4. No heavy rail has emerged with this labour government to reduce the heavy road wrecking freight trucks off the roads to make them safer and lower road cost repairs.

    I came though the highly environmentally valued ‘Waioweka gorge’ in Gisborne yesterday and was stopped by the ‘road gang’ clearing the blocked road covered in logs from a ‘out of province log truck’ trucking accident that occurred, so why was logging trucks allowed on the tourist route anyway???,which%20have%20blocked%20the%20road.

    Shouldn’t the logs now be carried on rail???

    And why is the Gisborne rail still laying dormant after national closed it after causing rail drain blockage damage to it in 2012???

    The rundown of our rail freight system by all governments since 2008 is now an embarrassment to Labour because they bought the rail back for public ownership in 2008 REMEMER???
    If labour want to show they are serious about Climate change we want them to re-open all regional rail freight services AGAIN and begin with Gisborne rail !!!!!

  5. All through the last term people were saying that NZ First was holding Labour back and I kept pointing out that Labour were more right wing economically that NZ First and that they wouldn’t do anything serious to change the neoliberal settings we live under but even I am shocked at how quickly their true colours have been revealed.

  6. Superbly funny mate! Just one request…can you stop claiming that Jacinda saved is from Covid. It’s kinda annoying! She did jackshit but read the scripts. Ashley saved us!

    • Cruel but with an element of truthiness in that space.
      Because she did more than just read the scripts. She convincingly delivered the message to the masses, AND she empowered Ash enabling him to become the well-deserved status as the nation’s saviour, alongside JA.
      Of course I’ve heard both JA and Ash have one or two competitors. Hillary Barry is auditioning for the new Mother of the Nation with Newsboy backing her for the role now that he’s become a grown up (with kids and all!). And they have the people thinking they’re both really luverly. It could be close run to the finish line, especially with Toves and Ben doing all they can to deliver knockout punches.

  7. Herman Shovel Ready —spot on!
    Hence Covid Warden aka Labour MPs…most Wardens merely pretend to help, but tend to get in the way

  8. Hopefully that seating arrangement in the Parly Arment with JA and Grunt having Ibrahim Omer and his bench mate Kieran McAnulty directly behind is permanent. And hopefully they’ll be elevated to JA’s “inner circle” before too long – even if it means giving one or two others the flick.
    I’m thinking maybe as a Christmas prezzie, I should send Omar and McAnulty each either a cattle prod or a whip, although I’m not sure process and procedure would allow it.
    Whatever though – I hope JA realises the superior talent both have in comparison to a couple of others who’re already in that “inner circle”

  9. How uplifting, a poverty war torn refugee, his struggle of 80 hours working two jobs to be educated by what, capitalists exploitation that never aided wage lift wise to assist this driven refugee to education.
    The smirk of the selfish, self absorbed libertarians, will be slapped off come the next ballot election by a wiser electorate, that will return the only guest that their mates have allowed.
    Whan!t a bunnet, got two, one determined permanent, the other just a show of fashion and slight and surprise, non bunnet wearers next ballot time sitting there.
    What, dress attire, nothing to do with bunnets, just ties, should we where a tie or not, just a dig by the Greens,at the speaker wearing a tie representing a serious capitalist elite, the America!S CUP. So bunNets are ok, corporate advertise in Parliament by members is not allowed, and Mallard the speaker, has to be a serious lame duck on that show.
    Now we have State control of awarded import workers, be given State assurance and demand from their exploiter employers, living wage to be paid, and also $200 state afford accommodation aid support,what are we on the road to State recognition to employment usury exploit and victimisation.

  10. I think one of the greatest challenges facing us as a people of AO/NZ and that of our politic is a graphic, chronic, terrifying, hobbling, stultifying, brain-dead lack of imagination.
    Couple a lack of imagination with an artless, passionless, dull minded wine soaked lack of th appreciation of beauty, style and class and you have Balclutha. Also many other places around the country.
    But it isn’t our fault. When I used my imagination at my hideous little country primary school I was strapped after I was verbally humiliated in front of the other little snot miners. I still have all my school reports but the one from when I was 8 or 9 stands out. ” Far too vivid an imagination. Could do better. ” Baha a ha !
    Here’s a wee challenge. Google Earth Levin? Ok? Got it there? Now. Google Earth Lisbon. See? There you go.
    Our AO/NZ’s society is terminally dull. It’s a drab, beige little dung dropped on our Paradise by the arseholes who are well ensconced within our very matrix who push us around and make us work ever harder to build their stupid fucking dollar fortunes.
    George Carlin best describes that anomaly.
    But first? A word from Mark Twain.
    “If voting made a difference they wouldn’t let us do it”
    Simply replace the word ‘America’ with AO/NZ.
    George Carlin.
    “America is one big lie and you are a fool for believing in it.”


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