satire

PUNTER: You have my arm up behind my back, you’re hurting me.

SIMON: Keep smiling at the camera or I’ll break it

The straightest most white male road trip since the Crusades.

New Fox TV line up.

So I’m personally running the virus response.

It’s the best response. Biggest response in history. Media are very mean to me, never recognise how the response is the best. Should be made illegal to be mean to me. We will beat this virus, we are the best at beating virus, never been a better virus beater in the world.

Any questions? 

There’s a lot going on in this tweet.

How many people might die from this?
What?
That many?
And when can we get a vaccine?
What?
That long?
I told people it would be ready next month. Can it be ready next month?
No?
Pence, you will be in charge of this one.

Love is in the air (so is the wuhan virus), everywhere I look around
Love is in the air (so is the wuhan virus), every sight and every sound

I’m all for free speech when it’s undergrad sexism, but am an outraged woke snowflake when it’s libertarian drug reform in case the conservative Epsom Soccer Mums kick me out.

“There must be some way out of here”, said the Joker to the Thief.