Comrades, Brothers and Sisters.
I don’t use the term ‘Skull Fuck’ often.
It’s a strong phrase, the literal definition of which requires the insertion of ones penis through a hole in the head to simulate sexual intercourse into warm spongy brain matter.
It’s a terrible term and a yucky mind image.
None of us are better for it as a people, as a species nor as a culture.
However.
Unfortunately for ACT it’s the only way to describe the extraordinary interview between Steve Braunias and ACT’s Arts spokesperson, Todd Stephenson.
And when I say, ‘Skull Fuck’ I mean it as in, ‘Steve Braunias Skull Fucked Todd Stephenson’, I don’t want any misunderstandings…
It took Act’s arts spokesman Todd Stephenson 20 minutes to think of a single New Zealand author and a single New Zealand book. The only artistic experience he could think of is that he went to see Hamiltonin New York. His only press release on the arts has been to issue an empty threat about funding cuts to Creative New Zealand because he was upset Tusiata Avia was awarded the Prime Minister’s Award for Poetry. His central philosophy about government arts funding is the less, the better; he doubted that the majority of New Zealanders want their tax dollar spent on the arts. And yet Stephenson likely earns the basic MP salary, paid for by the taxpayer, of $163,000, in return for a paltry 2807 votes in the Southland electorate.
…it’s the most brutal, most funny take down ever in NZ politics.
It’s so good you deserve to respect it by going to the host site and giving them your clicks.
Enjoy a taste from the master that is Steve Braunias…
But you don’t have individual tastes yourself, do you? You’re kind of an arts ignoramus, really, by your own reckoning.
No, I certainly have individual things that I like to go to. We talked about that earlier.
You’ve been to see Hamilton.
Well, I was just giving you an example of the things I like to do.
What are your tastes, other than musicals?
That’s the main one in the creative sector.
Musicals.
And I watch movies. I watch TV.
“I watch TV,” says the Act spokesman for the arts.
Creative things are on TV, are they not, Steve?
Any New Zealand authors come to mind yet? Any? While the interview has progressed, I thought maybe one might have occurred to you.
Well, Alan Duff is probably the last one I would have read.
What book of his did you read?
Everyone has read Once Were Warriors.
Did you read it? Or did you just see the movie?
No, I read it a while ago.
So that’s it. The only New Zealand book you can think of is Once Were Warriors, published in 1985.
I mean, I’m being honest with you, Steve, it’s a portfolio I’m wanting to learn more about. But what are you hoping I will learn from this portfolio? As the literary editor of Newsroom, what are you hoping I will learn from understanding more about this portfolio in the sector?
I don’t know if I’m hoping for anything from you. But a little bit of knowledge and expertise, and enthusiasm for the arts, wouldn’t have gone amiss.
Yeah, and as I said, I’m starting out learning more about the sector. I haven’t got deeply into it.
You’ve spoken to an actor and a couple of other people.
…that’s a taste, it actually gets better and funnier.
It’s not a train wreck, it’s a train full of special needs children smashing into another train full of puppies exploding next to a Kitten pet shop.
Sweet Zombie Jesus it is such an extraordinary exchange that manages to utterly destroy the reputation of a politician with all the nuance of a misfiring suicide vest.
It’s a self mutilation you can’t stop watching because you are laughing so hard.
It’s like Stephenson got his tongue stuck to a icy lamp post and manages to ‘free’ himself by cutting down the lamp post, causing it to land on him and ripping his tongue off.
If you thought Prince Andrew did a bad interview, it ain’t nothing on Todd Stephenson’s.
I actually had to check with someone to make sure this wasn’t satire.
It’s real.
ACT’s agenda is really this awful and Todd is this thick.
Our Arts and Creative sector deserve more than someone who thinks they are an expert because they watched Hamilton FFS.
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You’d think that Todd would at least be able to name Frank Sargeson, for a man of Todds age, I’m pretty sure it would have been required reading at school.
Are you sure this isn’t satire?
stand-alone-complex. I was thinking that literary giant Dan Davin, a Southlander with a distinguished career in so many fields, doyen of Oxford University, first class hons at Otago where he was a scholarship holder. Every Southlander knows his name, except Scott. Scott’s law degree should have – or used to have- an English component, and certainly he shouldn’t have emerged from secondary school so ignorant.
Seymour’s trolling us here; the barbarians are at the gates, and dragging Kiwis down to his level is exceedingly societally destructive.
Correction: Todd, not Scott. Got it wrong. Don’t care.
I thought it may be satire until I became aware that these same fuckwits had appointed the sweet and kind Paula Bennett to pharmac.
oh… true that.
Who drained the talent pool?
Certainly not Labour/Greens/Maori they are talentless.
Shallow Bob at it again, talentless and spastic.
A passion for ‘the Arts’ is worth zero amongst Act’s potential voting base, and I suspect it’s the same for the Nat’s potential voters. Hostility and funding cuts would be popular amongst those voters.
To be frank, Labour and the Greens have the luvvies and the art consumers locked in.
This isn’t funny. Yesterday was already a tough day, trying to come to terms with ACT’s grotesque espousal of Paula Bennett heading Pharmac. How they must hate us.
This Stephenson character is worse than the previous ignorami trying to cancel the greatest writer in the English language and obscenely branding him an imperialist colonialist thug who impacted negatively upon the settlement of pioneering New Zealand. That was as big a lie as John Key saying that it occurred peacefully.
It was a previous NZ First or Act candidate for Tauranga who said that he hadn’t read a book since sixth form. Ardern said that she didn’t have time to read books but she had time to bake scones for a visiting English pop singer.
“Once Were Warriors” did battered, abused, and murdered New Zealand women an enormous disfavour by portraying a non-typical picture of the day-to-reality of living with domestic violence. A psychologist told me that she’d lost count of the number of women clients who’d commented thus to her. Alan Duff deserves some credit for trying to introduce books into New Zealand households, but I wouldn’t be boasting about reading a book which isn’t exactly a work of art, even if it was a good money spinner, which is all that Act cares about.
We do have some outstandingly good poets who have made it into international anthologies and who even ACT’s simpletons might understand. Their torpid shrunken brain cells would benefit from doing so. Clearly none of them are the parents doing the music and ballet rounds on Saturday mornings introducing children to another dimension in their growing experience.
Better that Act have no Art’s spokesperson than have another fool.
God loves a tryer. Bless his little cottonsocks…
Those that can DO. Those that can’t ACT!
Empty ideology of a 12 year old, would be a generous critique of Todd.
What a sad sad man.
Ignatius. Hush.This philistine is a product of Otago University. I’m uncertain whether he’s evidence of the dumbing down of academia, or if I should just jump off the planet.
Ah, libertarians. Gotta love ’em. Probably the most ignorant group in the world. And not just about the arts. Who could forget “What’s a leppo?”
They’re not unloveable for entertainment though… just don’t drown in front of one
If only every man was like me, then we’ll no longer need State interference.
I could have my private property and yours too at the end of a Public road.
I could protect it with my guns, and when the natural laws evolve from the Free Markets , I could have slave labour doing my estate gardens….
Did I actually say this mind blower oxymoronic before the election…
“I’ve always thought that there’s too much politics and not enough policy out there.”
Rules, bah humbug there’ll be self- regulating because of course no man is flawed with pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth , NPD et al.
When ‘Democracy’ as a system is gone, shining through will be my individualism dream..
Oh hang on a minute, if there’s no elections how will I get to see myself on TV ?
I know , we’ll pick and choose, then we’ll run our calculators to rationalise endlessly the insanity of why people deserve to be unequal and rush to the nearest camera to tell you…
Nek minit…
” David Seymour crashes Chris Luxon’s regular Tuesday media standup “
Todd watches television ? Why would he do that ?
In the Newsroom comments some people assume (and hope) this is satire. If it isn’t though, the message is clear. Arts people need to get a patron or pay their own way. TS Elliot had a day job and is not the only author who had a real job.
Martyn – Far too many NZ “artists” are rubbish…Barry Crump wrote okay books.
Is that you Todd?
I would say that some New Zealand artists (in the widest sense) have more inclination than talent. Good artists do not need state subsidies.
Ennius – Spot on
What was that poem that caused a stir a wee while back? I guess you get what you deserve.
https://thespinoff.co.nz/books/27-02-2023/how-to-read-a-poem
He should listen to RNZ more to understand why We need a vibrant local Arts/ theatre seen.
what has art ever solved?…john heartfield is probably my favorite artist and his photomontages stopped zero panzers…art especially in modern societies is a job creation scheme for the otherwise unemployable children of the middle classes.
Art imagines brighter futures, creates new world, spreads new ideas, encourages hope & warns of darkness. If you don’t understand that, maybe you should ask ACT if you can have Todd’s job.
As to panzers, art recruits the troops, inspires the troops & frames the conflict to be fought.
https://www.pablopicasso.org/guernica.jsp
I can just picture Todd in an interview explaining to someone how “the front fell off”
Favourite Aotearoan author of mine at the mo : Dominic Hoey.
Oh well, sigh, Todd is an easy mark for sure. So what. Steve is a nasty little runt, quite self serving, satrizing the obvious. Being mean when he didn’t need to be, check ‘ Who needs an enemy when you have a friend like Steve.. ‘ on his opinion on Golzirz’s plight. Hmm that guy. Who is that guy. Quite mean. Lols? Not really, as he isn’t really THAT funny. Just your regular little NZ whity shithead.
I enjoy reading Braunias occasionally but I certainly don’t want limited government (our) money, sustaining him, or any other so called artists in NZ. All this excess concern for artists well being doesn’t sit with concern for the less well off. I lived 9 years in Cannons Creek, pretty sure none of my neighbours were interested in Sargeson or Davin or this Captain Cook hating nutter. Just needing to get by day to day. Act wants to stop funding effete arty stuff and let it stand on it’s own feet, supported by those who can AFFORD to support it good on them. Tusitala Avia should be free to write what she wants but not paid for by people earning minimum wage with zero time or interest in her writings. And, Crump was a great writer and story teller.
I knew Stephenson two decades ago when I worked for the ACT Party, and I’ve never met a more vacuous, pointless, uninspired man in my life. I am horrified that he has become an MP. David Seymour would do well to hide him on the shortbus for the rest of the parliamentary term, and hope the party is smart enough to rectify their mistake next time around.