Political Caption Competition

“I won’t give you the numbers ‘cos the numbers were written down on a piece of greaseproof paper that Nicola used to wrap her sandwiches and then the dog ate them and then the dog ran away and we forgot the numbers and the numbers don’t matter ‘cos …..’cos……’cos ….errr…….look over there Labours doing something!!”

“These aren’t the tax numbers you’re looking for…”
“Yes they are!”
“These aren’t the questions we’re looking for…”
“These are my questions!”
“Move along! Move along!”

Numbers? What are they? Animal, Vegetable or Mineral?

“You have nice figures, Rebecca. Busy after? There’s an Upper Room here. I think there’s a spreadsheet up there, if you’d like to join me…”

“Yeah nah!”

“I can count to five on one hand, but that’s the best I’ve got. But trust me, I’m confident with that number.”

“How many hands am I holding up?”
“One, obviously!”
“No it’s more than that, come on, we’ve been very clear about this.”
“It’s still one, your holding up one hand.”
“No no no, you see Nicola’s holding my other one, so that’s two hands. Our modeling is robust and there will be other opinions.”
“You’ve got two hands, but you’re only holding up one. The other one you’re holding behind your back and Nicola’s not there. We can all see that.”
(Luxon walks off)

Eureka, I found a way to plug the half billion dollar fiscal hole in our modelling. Instead of Chorus switching off its copper network later this year, I’ll just sell it. It must be worth a billion, and not everyone is happy being forced onto less reliable broadband, which will clap out during a power failure, when another cyclone hits. Reliability in an emergency is life saving.

“I don’t know how many time you want me to lie to you, but if you want to know how much tax New Zealander’s will be receiving, just phone Bayley’s real estate Head Office Beijing.”

The soothsayer read my palm and assured me that I would be PM come October. However I can’t show you my palm because I can’t remember which one she read. But I have complete confidence in her interpretation, so that’s all you really need to know.

I’m the voice of reason here, keeping calm in the midst of crazy unrest and dysfunction.
I know all about words and how to present figures to the bewildered and confused. I know how to ‘diss’ the ‘dys’ and keep a straight face heh!