Between Two Ferns: Chris Luxon gives least worst speech of his political career

Between Two Ferns

National Party Speech starting

I will live tweet this.

Willis giving the intro. They wanted the next Minister of Finance to open for Chris, but David Seymour was busy, so they got the next Assistant to the Finance Minister, Nicola Willis instead.

She plays up the team element rather than his personal lack of charisma – good underplay because Luxon is very underwhelming.

Willis says Luxon has a genuine love of people. Wherever he goes he wants to hear about you and your hopes.

Sounds evangelical.

Relates sons conversation about war which is odd.

If the best example you have at humanising Luxon is your kid swapping war stories with him, stick with the cringy McDonalds origins story.

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Like a wooden Chewbacca on stilts, he trundles his way through the speech with all the rhythm of a pale white banjo.

Accuses Labour of embracing isolationism – which was great and made Smug Hermit Kingdom’ a great line.

Righteously hits hard on the lack of Labour progress.

Makes a long list of complaints against Labour and blames them all on Labour, which come on, Covid and geopolitics are causing more than blind stupidity on Labour’s behalf.

Makes a strong case for moving the tax thresholds.

Plays up Labour taxing more (I wish) and plays the usual ‘success is something to celebrate’.

Cheers for success makes it feel like a time share pitch.

Says he loves optimism and he loves positivity and loves goodness and loves everyone and he thinks we are the best and always look on the bright side of life.

Claims companies he has run are the same as running a country.

He wants ambition and cares about what you care about and prosperity and love, etc etc.

Argues we can fix problems, which is true, we can, it takes a bigger State with more capacity while taxing the rich.

Big shout out to the migrant vote and their large pockets.

Wink and a nod to increased immigration, total devotion to free market global capitalism.

Is mounting the Free Market First World Country Uber Alles moral high ground, MORE COWS – Udder Alles.

Oh the crowd hate truant children, there’s a cross burning somewhere in the back ground.

Positive, positive, not left or right, but hard right social culture war totes fine.

He’s just listing fantasy ZB talking points now.

OMG – Is this really his speech?

This vapid bullshit is really what he’s doing here?

They’ve had fucking months to write this, how was this the end product?

He’s going on about smashing young crime – this is this a state of the nation election speech?

It’s a ZB morning breakfast show podcast

The tears of a small business owner are now splashing from this speech

‘Addiction to spending’ – you voted with most of the Covid policy eh?

Reserve Bank + Red Tape – National Party Bingo!

He is right about the fear of first time home buyers fearing the mortgage, but there is no way any renter fretting about the landlord raising their rent would talk to Chris because no renter votes National!

Renters aren’t that self hating.

Is righteously trashing Labour’s shitty caution that hasn’t been transformative.

Family Boost for childcare!!!!!


BOOM – Chris Luxon showing up the Left with real reduction in child cost care!

Out of know where, boom with the massive state subsidy while decrying all other state subsidies.


Suck it Chippy. Suck it hard. Why are National better than Labour on reducing child care costs?

Why Chippy?


Burns Chippy over the consultants

Some convoluted funding thing to stop Consultants costing more than the public service?


He is hammering The Working Group!

Says the consultant gravy train will stop.

I hate myself for loving his argument.

Sure he’s right about consultants, sure we should put more money to make child care free – but the rest of the toxic stew of self interested rich fantasies masquerading as policy are hollow shit.

Probably the least worst speech he’s given.


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  1. So same piss weak policies as LINO. And that’s why we need a Hung parliament in perpetuity.

  2. “I hate myself for loving his argument.”
    Why do you hate yourself for being beguiled by lies? We all fall for bullshit some of the time.
    I think the real issue is that the natzo’s are staring down the barrel of their own mortality due, in no small way, to the likes of The Daily Blog here in AO/NZ and other freely accessible media across the globe like Russell Brands show for example. Greed and cruelty are out of fashion with an erudite audience of younger, far more politically engaged audience who vote and pay taxes too. ( Only to watch it being siphoned off to multi billionaires.)
    luxon’s toying with us. He’s giving running with the hares a go. He’s saying what he’s told we want to hear. Then, when the bald fuck’s in power he’ll simply side step his promises, as they all do. He knows there’s change afoot so head banging with what some consider the Left will only lead to inflammation, not co-operation.
    While AO/NZ’s still bedevilled by neoliberalism nothing will change except the creative element within the same lies they tell us and there are far too many luxonites to forgo their wealth creation and retention to hand the reigns back to us poor bastards.
    Take adern for example. She had the opportunities, the momentum, the charm, the gentle kindnesses, our focus, our backing, our love and our trust and she pissed it up a post because she never, ever, once mentioned the clammy grip roger douglas and his deep state minions still have over us all. The difference between 1984 and 2023 politically is nothing. Nine multi billionaires and four foreign owned banks taking multiples of billions of dollars out of our economy have our politicians in a choke-hold because of the crooked shit they did prior to this point. Our politics/economy is a massive, raging tiger to have by the tail, Aye Boys? What are you going to do? Come clean then go to prison? All those lives you’ve ruined. All that time wasted. All those people who fell by the wayside and now live in cars or under bridges. All those kids who grew up in poverty who’re now in jail.
    And all from within a rich, first world country the size of the UK but with only 5.2 million people, nine of which are now multi billionaires and luxon’s puffing re imagined hot air.

      • Count yourself lucky Ben. That was a short gibberish. He usual rants are twice as long and painful, with Russell Brand links for garnish.

    • @countryboy you’re the only person that dares to point out the inhumane truth of the Douglas/Lange/Palmer/Moore institutional coup of 1986 when Hart bought the Government Printing Office. How is this even possible? How can one individual have so much sway that they can persuade a sovereign minister to sign away the people’s right to information? Remember there was no internet to browse at that time. What other goodies does/did the GPO dispense? Driver licenses? License plates?? Registration stickers? Certificates of fitness? Who prints the Census forms? Who pays the ferryman and where does the ferryman take us? Two days ago I saw that Madonna’s brother, may he rest in peace, passed away. He lived under a bridge. Such is the dichotomy of our present state – problem? addiction- solution- throw money at an institution dependant on the problem. Ardern virtually promised to legalise the relatively harmless weed which never causes violence imo whilst, snort, Little tinkered and backtracked. Now we have a police state run by some obsequious AI. And it’s raining. May God bless you all with a plate of spaghetti.

  3. A $400m subsidy to private childcare owners who’ll see this as another reason to up their prices by the $75 per week, family household subsidy. Another neoliberal scam to make people feel good???

    Wont this add to the cost of living and inflation?

    LINO, National & Act and the mental gweens, Revisionist Mowree party. What really is the difference between them all. Absolutely nothing!

    A Hung parliament and governance by referendum to me is seriously a better solution than fuck’n about with muppet MP’s. The current system needs to be overhauled completely.

    I’m a great believer in letting more and more people die of their own stupidity by voting ‘in’ the same shit(neoliberalism) than trying to save them.
    The National IQ would probably rise pretty quickly thereafter.

  4. Plenty of renters vote National, some people with money prefer the convenience & flexibility that renting affords. I like not having to worry about maintenance, rates etc, and being able to move cities/countries with relative ease. If you rent furnished, then moving becomes a breeze.

    • Oh Helen lucky you! You obviously have a choice being able to move around so freely others have no
      choice, the inclination or the money .

        • Helen. Cynical. When parents and grandparents bought houses they did not think in terms of “capital gains” like you do. They were creating a place to call home.

    • Helen Beck. Oh oh! This is the WEF party line. Rid yourself of home ownership and all the worries that go with it. So, who ends up calling the tune then? Not the renter.

      Some of us have moved between countries in both hemispheres, and both rented and owned, and home buying and owning and maintenance requires a considerable amount of belt tightening, but given the paucity of life-long leases in this country compared to others, then I suggest that placing such a significant part of one’s life in the hands of strangers, is folly. I wouldn’t want their furniture either, thanks all the same, or their decor. All over London are apartments decorated by moi, to my taste, even just for a 12 month rental. The aesthetics of a home can play quite a big part in a family’s well being, did you know ?

      So, no, let’s have more choices, and more affordable choices.

  5. The government figures says we will be 250000 sworkers short by 2035 so where are these coming from if we do not have immegration. They need homes and schools and hospital space but the have to be factored in otherwise the country will go further backwards. These people will come from countries that are used to small apartments so we need to build up not out.

    • Not all of them. And those who are might arrive because of an aspiration for more. They will live where they can afford to and will earn the same wages we do. And aspire to have land under their feet.

      Sure more of such high rise, where there are parks and in build commons – planned communities.

    • We can just employ locals, instead of leaving them on the scrapheap, like you seem to want them to.

    • Trevor Bear in mind that most immigrants emigrate hoping to improve upon what they leave behind. Don’t forget that many of the tower blocks built in Britain post WW2 when there was an urgent need for homes, have since been demolished. Back in the 60’s and 70’s the incidence of schizophrenia among their dwellers, was disproportionately high, the social problems already legendary. Many were in fact good, substantial, and private accommodation. The chilly ground-level prefabs built and designated as temporary accommodation, still survive because people like living in them. The quarter-acre sections with which we grew up in New Zealand may be gone, but emulating the concrete jungles of China or the slums of Mumbai to accommodate their flee’ers, may not necessarily be the most socially progressive way to go.

      • So Snow White in your opinion there is no answer. The Britain you talk about is a shell of its former self thanks to generations of tori rule. Whole communities all but forgotten. Today in NZ we look at the 1/4 acre sections once progressive as a waste. We forget our population is the size of an average British city. Christopher Luxon thinks New Zealand is just like Air New Zealand and we all know what happened there . Personally I think like John Key Luxon is playing At politics he has absolutely no idea of the real world as much as he pretends. His rental properties give him skin in the game almost akin to insider trading which we all know is illegal. This policy is not costed like his water policy and he is getting away with not explaining. This should have been a “show me the money moment” but its not because of the right wing tori press here. Time will tell but with his minders like Brown and Willis by his side yesterday if elected god forbid he is elected in October we will not know the truth of his policies until then.

        • Queeny. I did not say that there is no answer. Please do not attribute to me things which I have not said.

          There is a plethora of answers, and parts of Gt Britain are lovely places to live in, and immigrants, legal and illegal flock there to do so.


          • Actually Snow White we must agree to disagree, your comment left me with that impression. My father helped build those prefabs after the war, your right many of them still stand today many of them privately owned sold to the highest bidder by Thatcher. There is now a mix of private, social housing and council housing on many council housing estates built after the war for the needy. Of course many houses were replaced because there was bombing especially in London. Houses were rebuilt as a necessity however unfortunately social communities were decimated people lost many friends because of separation. Many houses in mining communities had to be rebuilt because of no running water in the houses, no inside toilets and no bathrooms , many of these homes were still being lived in well into the 60’s. You are right of course there are many beautiful places in the UK. some more beautiful than others because of Tori investment such as the south of England. Many others have been neglected and the poor and disenfranchised live in these places. Watch benefit Britain it is an eyeopener to a long time exile like myself. As you say there is a plethora of answers for those with money. Market rentals saw a whole new generation of Ma and Pa investors, many pass on the slightest increase in anything to their tenants. Maybe I will rephrase there is an answer for those with money however those without there is no answer because generations of blue bloods have seen to that.

  6. Translation….

    So less than 110,000 households only if they are working and have under 5 year old children will receive at the end of a tax year, one rebate per household for childcare subsidy via the detriment of public service cuts. Meanwhile1.3 million plus households get zilch to counter a rising cost of living.

  7. Bureaucrats hire consultants the way health systems hire locums.

    It speaks to lack of internal capacity.

    When Luxon works out what the solution is listen till then …

  8. Its very strange that two “vote for me” policies announced this week by the Nats. have “ reckons and abouts for costings”. Since when did our media accept this shoddy state of affairs from a would be government . A definate “show me the money moment”. When will they do the actual costings and when will the so called political editors and right wing morning programme non journalists ask the curly questions . we will wait in hope

  9. Oh the fucking irony.
    Labour and the left generally have an incredibly bad signal to noise ratio. In the current environment, the number of worker bees versus the number of ticket clippers and unproductive numpties.
    gnACToids, the neolibs and 3rd wayers have always been enablers of the ticket clipper – they usually not part of that State/Public capacity
    Cunningly gnactoids and the right are now taking part of the Polar Flip.
    More fool the left. Although it’s not too late. Chips might have to be a (L)ittle more Ruthless.
    We’ll get what we deserve and if you don’t like it, get yourself an exit plan

  10. Would you please stop giving banjos a hard time?

    Strumming a few chords on a banjo before breakfast puts me in a good mood all day.

  11. ” Those included curbing the rising cost of living, lifting incomes for all, delivering a resilient infrastructure for the future, restoring law and order, and providing better health and education services ”

    Well the National party are consistent and dishonest. It doesn’t matter whom the leader is its the same old tired slogans that have been done over and over every time they are in government and we are still grappling with the legacy they left behind in 2017.

    If they really wanted to lift incomes then why do they oppose increases in the minimum wage ? or better working conditions and the right to have union protection on the job particularly where all the immigrants they lure into the country to provide cheap slave labour !

    These policies have been rolled out as usual without any scrutiny or investigation by the media. Luxon will fold if any pressure is applied by asking him to provide details and analysis because there is none. Its just the usual bullshit and sadly the gullible hobbits will buy into it.

    The incomes he is really talking about lifting don’t need it they have more than enough already and are never under pressure to pay up.

    They could talk about the massive inequities and how the economy does not deliver for everybody but that would mean real structural change and real long waited for debate on unregulated capitalism.

    The status quo is much much more safer to continue to inhabit.

    Mr Chipkins and Mr Robertson are experts at maintaining the status quo.

  12. National helping families with children?…nah, bad idea, why help families? Vote Labour so we can help consultants to millions. Yay to consultants.

    • A vote for National is a vote for their billionaire donors. 7 property Luxon and his hidden consultants. Yay to consultants.

  13. Okay. All they need to do now is fire the Excellent Hate Speech Extremists at Victoria University of Wellington, and bring back the Commissioner for Vulnerable Children, and they could romp home. Recalling the Ambassador to Ireland would be the icing on the cake and show Eire that down here we are moderately civilised after all – he could get a job watering apple orchards or decolonising kiwi fruit – retrain as a disc jockey or drive invisible buses up and down Bowen Street, forevermore.

    • Oh come on Snow White – driving an invisible bus requires imagination, so probably not the job for Trevor. Maybe hire him as a security guard on parliament grounds?

      • Pope Punctilious 11. Security guard ? No. He’d probably be up and down the children’s slide all day, and given that he swung a punch in the Beehive lobby when he was a simple politician, he could do worse as a simpler guard if someone were be unpleasant about his current wife. I’d prefer it he didn’t return at all, but, sadly, every now and then disasters do happen, and he might, sadly, drive that invisible bus splash right into the harbour and face a real challenge of finding himself a space among the supermarket trollies, old bicycles, car tires, rotten clothing, feathers, and contaminated fishies with prior claim.

        I don’t know why you have to be so complicated, but Mother Ireland never deserved him, and if a career diplomat had been more sensibly appointed in the first place, then what to do about Trevor would not be causing potential problems for persons here and there.

      • Pope Punctilious 11. PS Today at the Sallies I picked up a bound collector’s edition of “ Portrait of the Artist of Young Man,” in response to what we are doing to Ireland, so it’s an ill wind that blows no good. I have always kept Joyce’s “ Dubliners”, and his short story, “ The Dead,”, vies with one of Ambrose Bierce’s as the best short story ever written. The Abbey Theatre has showcased great Irish drama – and their wonderful ability to laugh at themselves- but now they’ve got Trevor…

  14. You lefties make me laugh. Not a, “Oh that might be a good idea” on Luxons policy, just not believing that National will cut down the Wellington bureaucracy. They will because it won’t be hard and that’s where the money will come from. By the way When labour came to power with a list of promises as long as your arm, were they all costed. I’ll just take one example. “I will fix child poverty”.
    Mmm hard to cost. But then they didn’t need to did they. Nothing happened.

    • New view, ok answer this, the cost of this policy for a year is 400 million. Where will they get the money for next year and the year after.

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