Brian Tamaki links Cyclone Gabrielle devastation with porn use
Controversial Destiny Church pastor Brian Tamaki has appeared to link Cyclone Gabrielle’s impact with Kiwis’ consumption of porn.
In a sermon, Tamaki appeared to single out Gisborne and Hastings residents’ alleged use of Pornhub, having claimed to have done his research.
“That flooding was a result of depravity,” he told followers.
“Don’t hate me for this… I see the perversion that is linked to bad weather.”
Tamaki went on to say he searched “porn in New Zealand” and “it gave [him] Pornhub”, having earlier said “by the way, I don’t watch porn”.
“I was shocked what I found. That city in there of Hastings, Gisborne, has the highest number of porn watchers in the country and it’s one of the biggest averages per capita in the world,” he claimed.
“And, they’re the biggest watchers on the porn site of gay porn,” he later added.
Ummmmmm.
What?
There is so much to unpack here.
I don’t understand why the omnipotent Creator of the Universe has time on his hands to generate a cyclone and smash Hastings and Gizzy for their masturbation habits?
Like, I don’t want to shit on Hastings and Gisborne, but clearly Wellington has more wankers, why isn’t God Almighty smashing Wellington with Cyclones?
Like, wouldn’t God have some genuine questions to answer at his next Board meeting?
Wouldn’t the Holy Ghost be like, “So we didn’t cure cancer this month, but you did smash two East Coast provincial towns in New Zealand for watching porn”?
I’m not sure God’s going to get that passed the Shareholders.
What about the Turkish earthquake?
That killed 44 218 people, what the hell were they watching on Pornhub?
I’ve got real questions about all of this and I’m not sure Brian has any answers.
I still understand why God is punishing Kiwis for porn, and I don’t understand why Brian needs gold watches and flash motorcycles.
Isn’t it weird that in 2023 we still have God Squad nutters attaching natural disasters to sin?
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And it came to pass that the prophet Brian cried aloud to the Almighty ‘ Lord give me a sign that thy children are punished for the abomination of perving over porn!’
But God replied not for the deity had his headphones on while he watched Hustler online and so he hearkened not unto Biran who was left to pull wild ideas out of his arse.
Brian needs a psych evaluation. And a pay cut.
It’s election year, the fruitcake vote is up for grabs. Perhaps Mr Tamaki should go to the next UN conference on climate with his theories and put an end to global warming in on stroke?
The right wing always have these feral types.
Q who?
the perveyor of the false evangelical religion of satan spews bile again
my assesment is based on the evangelical rights own propesys just to make that clear
never that keen on auck maybe I should rub out a quick one.
Make a weekend of it, have a wank fest and take out the upper north island
Sinic. Consider it done.
I needed a laugh, So funny. Brian could be right. The Internet was out for ten days in many places. Punishment indeed.
Shit the internet being down meant Brians eft pos church donation ponzi scheme required attention. No wonder he’s in the media again.
Gosh you’re mean Bert. Brian might want another gold necklace to wear on his next holiday to the Greek isles and those Hawkes Bay people crashing the internet could stymie this. They’re mainly cheap exploited immigrant workers and Brian should be lobbying for better wages and conditions for our Pacifica kin, but oh no off he goes sex searching yet again while they sit lonely in their cabins, watching Asian gymnastics instead of hugging their buxom wives back home.
You wouldn’t like foregoing another new necklace, and Harry, Prince of Montecito, is still whinging on about his bro breaking his necklace and ending up in the dog’s bowl. All you blokes are just too complicated and need to get your minds off sex.
Apologies Hollyhock, I didn’t realise he was wearing a porn gold chain! Accept my apologies, they must cost a fortune. I better ask Bob the first, he would know the cost, undoubtedly with his background addiction.
I’m pretty sure Mr Tamaki utters bollox like this all the time, this one just happens to have caught the attention of what passes for media in this country.
There’s a saying “It’s the responsibility of society to embrace its eccentrics”.
Has brian not noticed? Society is writhing with sticky eccentrics? Mostly Jesus freaks. Brian wants to be a living breathing Elvis Jesus.
I mean, surely you know nutters? I certainly do. I have a woman friend who’s madder than a box full of meth addict budgies but she’s also hilarious. brian tamaki’s only as powerful as we make him so lets amp it up a bit? Wank Day Wednesdays? Dicks out December? Call back later, I’m currently donating sperm for Jesus! Nubbin Rubbin field days for the country folk. You seen this film? Is hilarious. A stolen batch of viagara finds its way into Irish village life with very funny consequences. Especially for the vicar who was about to give a sermon on piety before marriage.
‘Holy Water’.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Water_(film)
brian tamaki is also one other thing. He’s a psycho-capitalist. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s making good coin at the expense of the terminally stupid and the eternally terrified.
Invite Tamaki on The Working Group!
Yes looks like the butterfly effect at play here researchers, where heavy breathing and jerky body movements in one part of the world can cause a storm in another.
Ethan Woke. So, catch all the butterflies in Brazil to stop Hawkes Bay from crashing the internet ? Tell Brian, quick, although capturing butterflies on a motorbike could be a big challenge for the holey one.
Oh come on, it wasn’t Jehovah who sent the cyclone our way. It was Tāwhiri-mātea!
As a Pope you should know better than to abandon a Christian god. Making it into a race issue is even worse. It’s not like you’re one of the Stuff youngsters who’re paid to spin a pc line, and I don’t know what you’ve got against Thor anyway. Think Thor mucked around searching out porn pervs? Never.
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