Last Day of Parliament – Winners & Losers

By
Martyn Bradbury
-
31
1766

So the final day of the first Labour-NZ First-Green Government rolled by and there were plenty of zingers to see out the dissolution of the 52nd Parliament.

There were of course some winners and some losers.

WINNERS: 

JAMES SHAW’S STAND UP COMEDY CAREER:

No one is ever allowed to laugh inside the Green Party because laughter is cishet male privilege and only reinforces the patriarchy so the Greens tend to be as pious as former smokers and mummy bloggers in what triggers them and demands safe space bunkers but the fear of being kicked out at the next election gave James a sense of humour and he proceeded to be really, really, really funny!

“I know everyone is champing at the bit to get out campaigning around the country to try out their new election slogans

“There’s Labour: ‘Let’s keep moving.’ New Zealand First: ‘Let’s not.’

This was funny, where has this James Shaw been for the last 3 years? Why are we only seeing this now? How about, instead of being really, really, really, really, really, really alienatingly woke the Greens try and be friendly and funny this election? I promise you can immediately go back to po-faced and humourless right after the election, but let’s spend the next 6 weeks pretending that the Greens aren’t insufferable so that we can try and implement some meaningful policy on climate change, poverty, the green rebuild post pandemic and restructuring the neoliberal economic hegemony?

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Can the Greens just pretend to be someone else for the next month and a half so we can trick the electorate into thinking you won’t deplatform anyone who isn’t a vegan cyclist?

 

JUDITH’S MALICE:

You would think Judith might have been able to repress her malice and scorpion-sitting-on-the-face-of-a-frog-in-the-middle-of-a-river-endlessly-stinging-that-frog sensibilities for just one day right? To pretend to be a Statesman that voters can look up to, but thanks to the glory that is Judith’s malice, girl just can’t help herself.

The entire speech was not about what National will do if they are the 53rd Parliament, or even what her election promises are, she just tore into abusing everyone else with the naked glee of a hungry wolverine in a prenatal ward.

She even managed to make her ‘thank you’ insults, she’s just unbelievable. She’s like the Sith, House of Slytherin and White Walkers all rolled into one.

Cancer has more sympathy than Judith.

Left wing mothers tell their children to say their prayers lest Judith Collins take them in the middle of the night. Right wing mothers say the same thing.

 

 

LOSERS:

JACINDA’S SPEECH WRITER:

“We Believe” – Jacinda used this phrase 6 times. It’s lovely to believe isn’t it because it really doesn’t require much.

“What are you doing about child poverty?”

“I believe we can fix it!”

“What are we doing about the housing crises?”

“I believe we can solve it!”

“What happens if the travel bubbles don’t open between NZ and the Pacific Islands?”

“I believe I can fly!”

Great.

The issue isn’t that Jacinda believes it, the issue is if you are actually doing something. Relying on the Leader to just believe stuff seems a tad terrifying. I’m sure Trump thinks he’s doing a fantastic job right now.

 

PUTTING DOWN OLD YELLER:

Poor old Winnie. There he was, barking away madly at the temerity of James Shaw finally having the courage to attack Winston because he’s pretty certain Winnie isn’t coming back from this election…

…and we all felt a tinge of sadness didn’t we? This is the last huff and puff of NZ First unless Shane wins Northland.

It was like watching a great boxer in their last fight when the last fight should’ve been a while ago.

Let’s bow our head in song.

Goodbye Winston Peters
Though we never knew you at all
You had the audacity to impose yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the media
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your game
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a whisky in the wind
Never knowing which dog whistle to cling to
When the sinking polls set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your whisky drained out long before
Your legend ever did

 

 

DAVID’S GUN LUST:

Are you happy to see me or is that a gun sticking out your pants? The sad thing about David Seymour now is that every time he opens his mouth all you see is a gun poking out. It doesn’t matter what he said or what he promised on the last day of Parliament because all the rest of us could see was guns, guns, guns.

I can’t wait to hear some of his well vetted new gun fetishist candidates thoughts on 1080.

 

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31 COMMENTS

  1. I loved it when Winston said “I’ll be around long after your gone” and this is historically possible because the voting block now see a WOKE Green Party full of ‘youth and pomp and circumstance’ and vanity that NZF sounds far more reasonable now to the middle earth.

    I was a green Party when it begun in 1999 and we rode on real Environmental principals and not the thin veneer that they use today, Greens are really a political Party choosing their policies when they become fashionable to use them.

    We are better voting for the middle ground in this election.

    a

    • Really?? That’s all you’ve got?? You do know that your comment is more about you than anything relevant to this blog, don’t you?? Take a bit of friendly advice mate,.. Next time, read what you wrote before trying to be clever on line.. BTW, transference is as old as the hills, and has been discredited for as long..

  4. To me Judith Collins looks and comes across as incredibly vindictive and nasty. She would be hellbent on destroying anyone and everyone that she thinks has done her wrong.

    God help New Zealand and New Zealanders if she ever became prime minister of New Zealand.

    Not exactly the type of person one would want as a leader of a country and a representative of the country to the rest of the world.

    And so whilst Collins will be all vindictive and getting even I am sure she wouldn’t give a toss about low income NZers. She lacked a voice of compassion during the last National government and I doubt even she figured out an ounce of human behaviour she would beahve with compassion any other time whilst in politics.

    I don’t think Judith Collins knows what being a nice person really means.

    Certainly all politicians have their faults and have mistakes but the National lot just seem incapable of admitting they have faults and have made mistakes. It’s like they have Copied and Pasted their responses to that of that Insane Little Man in America called Donald Trump.

    I am hoping NZers vote en-masse for Labour next month. What we had in government from 2008 through to 2017 shows the National Party lot just don’t it or get it when it comes to dealing with difficult events e.g the Pike River Mine disaster, the Canterbury quakes, the Rena. They have had leaders that have regularly buggered off overseas at difficult times.

    • JustMe – Yep you are right 100% Judith Collins is toxic and tied to the Chinese that would kill NZ entirely.

    • Judith only comes across like that because she has not yet practiced Jacinda’s uber fake ’empathy frown’ in front of a full length mirror, while holding a selfie cam – click…straight onto social media. And then there’s that ‘ I am sad’ look, the one that gets 9.5 from the judges at the UN. And that hyper twitch when grasping for economy facts or when questioned on performance…or when saying ‘we believe’.
      She simply can’t afford the expensive acting coaches and the spin doctors…yet. All part of the ‘consultant and contractors’ budget once you are PM. Judith will look just as sympathetic in the ‘TV1 Little Covid Theatre’ at 1pm.

    • Judith Collins does come across as incredibly vindictive and nasty. She would be hellbent on destroying anyone and everyone that she thinks has done her wrong or doesn’t think the ‘right way.’

      As such she represents that constituency. They’re out there.

    • Excellent JustMe – excellent. And add to that if I may, now certain hard-core vicious elements within the National Party are attacking their new Auckland Central candidate Nuwanthie Samarakone accusing her of being a stripper and more. I have seen the photograph of her in her swimsuit and it is obvious she keeps fit and healthy. Good on her. I bet they would not criticise or attack one of their beloved male MPs if he was photographed in fitness gear.

      I am no supporter of the National Party (never will be) but I totally support Nuwanthie in standing up to this nasty toxic element in the National Party, which reflects the culture and its current leader. No wonder Muller failed. For all his missteps and slip-ups at least he appeared to be a non-nasty person.

  5. Meanwhile, just outside our nice warm parliament buildings where our politicians are paid $ix figures plus entitlements and expenses, there are people living in the gutters or in their shitter cars with their kids or in substandard housing as four foreign banksters net $ 6 billon a year in profits.
    Ba haahaah hahaha a … Ahhhh…so funny. That’s sooooooooooo funny. Isn’t that funny? It’s funny isn’t? Am I right? Funny? Our politicians must have a laugh as they walk past the homeless they built while on the way to the governmental chauffeur driven BMW’s, the ones with the heated, arse massaging seats the homeless were forced to help buy thanks to phil fuck face goff’s fascist, racist gst brain spurt, a tax we all know is a poverty tax. I.e. The poorest pay the most. I know Scunthorpes who’ve used gst refunds to buy fancy cars and houses. Hilarious!
    james ‘giggles ‘ shaw is a corporate ball cupper and his job is to make sure he never does his job.
    winston ‘the rat’ peters is soon to be outa here because he’s no longer needed to run the Machiavellian confederate side show deflection act that is NZ First for the dark siders now in hiding with out loot. Then jacinda will get in and we’ll do ok and we’ll soon forget that the slow-boil burglary that was the last 36 years and everything will be just hunky fucking dory.
    So funny…
    There’s one thing I’ll say about judith collins. She’s not pretending to hide her malicious, malignant and gleefully, sociopathic viciousness.
    I’ll give her that.

  6. I actually liked Jacinda’s speech. It was polite, courteous and concise, with her pointing out the legislation passed and the improvements over the last four government terms. I also liked when Winston backed her, saying “we did”not make a mistake in 2017”.

    Judith Collins, on the other hand, was caustic and nasty (as always). I think she is so delusional, a narcissist in fact, screeching along that she will be Prime Minister and lots of Labour will lose their jobs. A nasty piece of work. Surely National voters should be embarrassed of/for her, or (as Martyn said) are they really so vindictive that they would want this creature running the country. It boggles the mind. Two ticks Labour is the only way forward.

    • Just watched parliament and Judith Collins making a speech composed almost entirely of snide comments about members of the coalition. Typical example- she mentioned something which is 160 years old and made a hilarious joke about that being even older than Winston Peters. Some twerp sitting behind her couldn’t contain his mirth. Judith smirked at each of her own “jokes”. Gerry beside her looked more and more uncomfortable and embarrassed as she continued her rather feeble and unfunny character assassination attempts. Perhaps he was thinking, ‘oh Christ if she keeps this up I might have to become the leader after the election. And then I’d have to do some real work instead of making up pointless points of order.’
      The coalition members quietly gave Judith more rope.
      No Judith is not a leader, something even the Nats knew for 18 years.

  7. Act getting 5% is like Kanye West actually getting a divorce from Kim!
    Lets not vote these clowns back in. Give it up to the Maoris once and for all! Winston & JT, the Maori party!

  9. David Carter was a massive loser. Using his valedictory speech to attack Winston, instruct Mallard how to be a better speaker whilst stating he was categorically not bias. He will head into oblivion where his name will be forgotten thankfully forever. Carter alone was responsible for the free ride Key got and the most bias speaker in history.

    • Thank goodness I was brought up country. Took my 93 year old mother to get a haircut today….do some shopping and miscellaneous other things…she troops around the supermarket at full stride. Laughing and joking with folk, she reckons shes too old for all that sort of political intrigue. Yet shes home right at this moment knitting a jacket for her great grandchild. Shes seen her grandchild die of cancer ( mine ) , her daughter suffer it, and her husband of 70 odd years die on Jan 5th 2020.

      And these far right wing wankers want to open up the borders and fuck everyone else’s family’s.

      Well I can only give a few words to those types , but I wont because it’d cast me in a poor light. Instead,… I’ll leave you with this.

      Lynyrd Skynyrd – Comin´ Home
      https://youtu.be/Ro4_u0DtFaI?t=126

      • My sympathy for your loss and a well reasoned interpretation as to EXACTLY why our borders need to remain closed. Money will never replace a loved one.

      • I am so sorry, Wild Katipo. Seems you are no stranger to grief. Kia kaha, and value ever moment with you mother, which you clearly do.

      • Wild Katipo – What a lovely son you are, and how lucky you and your dear old mum are to have and enjoy each other.

        The loss of your child is a huge grief which lingers and I am sorry and hope that your life continues wrapped around with kindness. Kia kaha.

    • Carter was like a tackler coming in to take out the player with the ball. He could see the player was up to no good and was cheating and he’d stop him dead in his tracks.

      And so it was. By the time he got to notice, process what was going on and launch into the stopping the offender, the miscreant had passed the ball or run through and scored. Too late.

      David Carter in the Speaker’s chair, John Key being given a free pass. “I was just going to call the member to order.”

  10. Why would a hungry wolverine be delighted to be in a prenatal ward, where babies have not yet been born?

  11. So Paula Benefit is to host a talk-show on Magic Radio next week (a station that should be called National Radio but someone beat them to that moniker).

    How can she do this while being paid to do her job as a sitting MP? And that pay doesn’t stop for a month or two after the election.

    This is blatant, and probably illegal electioneering – worse than Williams, Plunkett, Hosking etc etc

    Is this nonsense lawful? Shouldn’t be.

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