Dr Liz Gordon – Making life a little better

This weekend and next I am giving presents out to children at the gate house of, respectively, Christchurch Women’s and Christchurch Men’s prisons. I do this work at the men’s prison every year, on behalf of Pillars, the charity for the children of prisoners. For us, gift giving at the women’s prison is a first.

We only give out high quality, new presents.  People are extraordinarily kind, donating bikes, scooters (big last year and this), the best games, toys and puzzles, books, good balls and anything you might imagine.

Pillars’ own current client families receive an enormous sack of presents, food hampers and so much more.  The gifts are bounteous! At the prison this weekend, we put together carrier bags full of presents tailored to each child (it is a smaller prison so we can be more personal). Next week we will have mounds to give away at the men’s prison.

When I was young, my mother was arrested, and we were with her.  My sister and I refused to be separated from her, and sat in solidarity in a police lock-up cell. One of my uncles (a famous actor) arrived in his Rolls and took us away, eventually sending us up to Liverpool (where most of our family still lived, except my parents).

Our Uncle Arthur took us in with love, although informing us many years later that he was, at the time, in terrible financial hardship.  On Christmas morning (after several Christmases of neglect (of us) and of muchos alcohol (for my parents)), there was a huge sack of toys and gifts for us, including my first camera!  And so much love. Gosh, am feeling teary just thinking about it, even all these years later!

Uncle Arthur planned his own funeral.  The final song was a serenade to him- “bring me sunshine, bring me smiles” (Morecambe and Wise, from the 1960s).  It was a fitting tribute.

My strong pleasure in giving out gifts for the children now, I guess stems from my own difficult childhood.  I went right off Christmas for many years, then the spirit of the year (the act of giving and sharing) was reignited through excellent friendships and a wonderful husband.

Now, I just love issuing gifts to those who, in the main, have little, and who also face Christmas, sometimes many Christmases, without their loved parent.  These children are not only deprived of gifts and loved family members, but also face the guilt that they are enjoying Christmas (hopefully) while their parent is incarcerated.

I want to also remember and thank the donors, who do not stint, but spend in some cases thousands of dollars to give fabulous presents to the children. I do not know these people personally but I want to say to them that they give enormous joy to the children.

For those grinches (yes I know you are out there, thinking I have gone soft in the head) who cannot bear commercialism and/or hate the Christmas model and/or the charity model, I agree with you in principle but the kids feel affirmed and loved by receiving these gifts, at a time in their lives when there is often little of that.  Perhaps the simple act of affirming that they are valuable and should have a gift, will be enough to make the children think differently about who they are and their futures.

There is usually a nice dinner for prisoners on Christmas Day, but roast chicken alone does not a Christmas make.  At its best, whether one is religious or not, Christmas is a celebration of love between those who love each other best.  I fear that many people, through poverty, incarceration, homelessness, mental illness, separation, age or other reason, will not get to celebrate this.  A good pressie or two, though, from an organisation like Pillars, can bring joy and Christmas cheer to those with little to celebrate.