Reviewing the list of Politicians Liam Hehir believes he can beat in a Royal Rumble style wrestling match

The most beige Blue commentator in the Souther Hemisphere, Liam Hehir, has listed NZ Politicians he claims he could fight in a Royal Rumble style wrestling match.

Hmmmmm.

Liam is the go to panelist for The Nation on TV3 which tells you all you need to know about the panel on TV3s The Nation.

Let us critically analyse the list of Politicians Liam is arguing he could beat in a WWF Royal Rumble contest.

Remember, the only way a contestant is eliminated from the Royal Rumble is if they are thrown out of the ring and their feet touch the ground, which when you consider Liam’s chinless physique and complete lack of upper body strength already puts him at an immense disadvantage, but this is his list, and this is his claim, so let’s look at it.

DAVID SEYMOUR: Seymour is tight! Tight like a fucking drum! He has real punching power and can use those locked hips he showed us on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ to power lift a fragile Liam straight over the top rope! Come on, David would take Liam out with one move.

MICHAEL WOOD: The Minister for Transport has massive leg muscles from all the back peddling he does, sure his haircut says I’m here to be slapped, but it’s business time when his core strength gets tested. Would bitch slap Liam into next week.

MICHAEL WOODHOUSE: When he isn’t catching imaginary homeless people slipping into 5 Stars Hotels, Michael’s busy pushing for tax that will take the food out of hungry children’s mouth. While Woodhouse is an immensely underwhelming politician, he just wants it more than Liam. It would be close, but Liam would still lose.

TANGI UTIKERE: This is the most ridiculous claim by Liam on the list! Tangi is the Labour MP from Palmerston North, ANYONE from Palmerston North has the capacity to kill to get out of Palmerston North. A Liam/Tangi fight would be the equivalence of a kitten vs Hannibal Lector with Liam being the burp after Hannibal eats the kitten.

JAMES SHAW: Has shown he can take a punch and has no self respect. Would bite and scratch a lot, but would still beat Liam.

KIERAN McANULTY: Oh fuck right off! The Whiplash Kid from Wairarapa would run Liam over with his electric ute and beat him in the quickest time ever, even if Liam tag teamed up with Dr Gaurav Sharma, the self inflicting saboteur with his special end move, ‘The Masochist’ where he calls for a by-election and then gets totally fucking smashed. McAnulty is Hulk Hogan, Liam Heir is Liam Hehir.

RICARDO MARCH: Ok.

Yes.

Liam could beat Ricardo.

Convincingly.

I think we can all agree on that.

MATT DOOCEY: Don’t drag poor Matt Doocey into this, he might be a front bench cabinet minister some day.

TAMATI COFFEY: Tamati’s infant baby could beat Liam for crying out loud!

I don’t want to be critical of Liam, but he has wildly over represented his fighting skills with this list, except of course for Ricardo.

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