Cabinet Reshuffle: Winners, Losers & Predictions


Jacinda desperately needed a Cabinet reshuffle – her talent pool had become a puddle!

Months of incompetence from Poto Williams, Chris Faafoi checking out since 2016, Trevor Mallard provoking riots on Parliament’s Lawns (and never being held accountable) and Nanaia just existing was enough to spark furious backlash. The reshuffle is a smart response that accentuates the positive while eliminating the negative.

There are of course winners and losers.



Jacinda & Labour: The final Cabinet mix is clever politics internally and externally and is a reminder to all those political pundits and right wing trolls who are all now convinced Labour has lost the next election that Jacinda has extra gears she can go to when stepping up. She has removed her most problematic MPs and bolstered support from a wider variety of factions into Cabinet.

Trevor Mallard: It’s just un-fucking-believable! He provoked the riots on Parliament Lawns, radicalised 10 000 and has overseen a rapid inflation of the Police State to crack down on the domestic terrorism he has inspired and he won’t be held accountable for any of it!  Labour are so frightened of all the bodies he’s buried that they will send him to Ireland, the other side of the planet, to ‘reward’ him. If Jacinda could have sent him to the moon, she would have. If an act of political violence doesn’t occur before the 2023 election (and I think thanks to Trev that’s 50-50), let’s remember how Trev planted that seed.

Michael Wood: He is going to be Leader of Labour when Jacinda moves to the UN and his pairing of immigration and labour relations is the perfect combo for a future Prime Minister. A star performer who deserves the recognition.

Chris Faafoi: He is just so happy to be going. He checked out in 2016 and never came back to work. We’ll miss the panic in his eyes when trying to explain the Hate Speech Legislation, the NZ on Air Journalism Fund fiasco and the excruciating pain of being Immigration Minister over Covid. Known as ‘The Blocker’ Chris was put into a Ministry when Labour wanted nothing done, and Chris has excelled at this. His chumminess has managed to do nothing in 5 years without anyone really noticing. He has deserved his rest.

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Indian-NZ Electorate: The appointment of Priyanca Radhakrishnan  is a boon for the very large and powerful Indian-NZ Electorate who have been sidelined for a more muscular Māori Cabinet.

Public Broadcasting: The appointment of a broadcaster like Willie Jackson to means the end user will be at the forefront of KPIs. Expect some interesting new outcomes with the TVNZ/RNZ merger.

Police: The fundamental problem with the exploding gang war is an in internal turf war inside Police over intelligence. Currently the GCSB and SIS are intercepting communications between the 501s and their South American Cartel meth suppliers. The NSA very much want any intel on the Cartels, so NZ is sending its intel up the chain of command, it’s not being sent down to local cops here to use against the 501s. The current drift net approach by Police who have used 750 warrantless searches against the gangs over the last couple of months is a fishing expedition because Police have zero intel on who they should be pressuring. Hipkins knows well the internal turf wars of various Bureaucracies and I think we will see the GCSB and SIS forced to share their intel with the Police Intelligence and Organised Crime units which in tern will give them far better tools to deal to the gangs.

Kiri Allen: She is one of the greatest up and coming talents in NZ Politics. Woke AF but still very brilliant. A bit like Chloe Swarbrick.

Kieran McAnulty and regional NZ: He is the great hope to calm regional NZ over 3 Waters, apparently Ute driving men from the provinces only listen to other men who drive Utes.

Nanaia Mahuta: Despite the ocean of criticism, she has held onto both 3 waters and Foreign Affairs, that shows the power of the Māori Caucus and their focus on getting these water reforms through.



Free Speech: The Faff couldn’t give a fuck about Hate Speech reform, it was a vote losing madness to begin with which only empowered ACT and he did sweet fuck all on progressing anything on his watch. Kiri Allan on the other hand is woke AF and her desire to pass vast new restrictions on speech are a deep drive within her heart. The new Minister will need to be talked down from her desire to burn books and arrest people for saying things she doesn’t agree with. The argument will be made to her that she can pass it all after the 2023 election because attempting to ram Hate Speech through before the election will be disastrous. It’s far better Labour strangle free speech off in the shadows of the post election rather than in the spotlight before the next election.

National: The Cabinet reshuffle moves all the biggest targets off the playing field leaving National to just bitch and whine about problems Labour have already amputated.

Poto Williams: She never looked confident in media interviews and when gang shootings and crime are so evident, her lack of strength made her look weak. Had to go.

NZ Herald: These pricks just couldn’t help themselves and managed to dredge up Willie’s Roast Busters issue from Radio Live that is now almost decade old. NZ Herald managed to out-woke Stuff on this, which is extraordinary because Stuff are so woke they never sleep!  It funnily reminded everyone how Poto Williams attempted to destroy Jackson at the time with her letter that was signed by all these concerned Labour wankers. I wonder where that Letter ended up? I mean you could use it as a template for revenge couldn’t you?



Police: Chippy will quietly force the GCSB and SIS to hand over intel to the Police to stop the 501s while keeping the fact they are doing that out of the media because once the sleepy hobbits of muddle Nu Zilind work out that our spies are more interested in sucking up to America with this intelligence rather than passing it along for locals police to protect us from meth, they are going to lose their shit!

China: The case the Faff was handling which was driving so much International concern is now in the hands of Mic hall Wood who is far more compassionate and expect China to get very angry with the new minister if he changes his mind on sending Chinese nationals back to China.

Helen Clark: Smart money would be to create a new ‘Pacific Ambassador’ role which and appoint Helen Clark to it

Free Speech meltdown: The Faff’s nickname was ‘The Blocker’ and he was put into positions where you wanted nothing to happen. He was left with the Hate Speech laws under the clear understanding nothing was to ever progress with it. Kiri Allen however is Woke AF and her default position is burn cracker, a default position I agree with usually, but the Hate Speech pandoras box will trigger enormous voter backlash so expect that to come roaring back as an issue in a political landscape already mutated by extremism if the new Minister can’t be convinced to do it until after the 2023 election.


Labour’s Cabinet reshuffle is politically very clever and manages to work for Labour’s internal dynamics and external pressures. It’s bold, nuanced and smart. I certainly think it will hold together but the reality is the next 12 months are going to be economically damaging and National’s tax cut solutions will look as pathetic as Labour’s $27 for 13 weeks cost of living subsidy. Voters will be terrified by the enormity of the next economic depression and it will feel like a crisis and people will be deciding can Jacinda and Grant look after them better or can Christopher Luxon and far right kneecapper David Seymour look after them better.


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  1. Jacinda Ardern once again doing what’s in the best interests of her and the Labour Party, not necessarily the whole country.

    • Daniel Yep. I cringe at that bovver boy from Johnsonville – or whatever – being inflicted upon Ireland and making New Zealanders look like a bunch of colonial hicks. Northern Hemisphere people are usually more sophisticated- for want of a better word – than our insulated bunch of politicians down here are, and they are generally more accepting of difference, and even welcome eccentricity, but Mallard is indescribably awful. If they had to get rid of him, he should be sent somewhere where nobody can speak English, not somewhere where he can make decent Kiwis look like ham-fisted morons. It’s not fair.

    • To be fair, that’s true of other recent NZ governments too – it’s hardly particular to Ardern and LINO.

      • Pope please don’t talk about the past, it’s traumatic for Kraut .
        The worldwide global economic recession lays squarely at Jacindas feet and St John Key saved the world from the GFC.

  2. How’s the minister for child poverty performed then? That metric alone should see her cast to the back bench.
    Say what you like to tarnish the opposition Martyn, but the tide is rapidly going out on this vapid, cynical excuse of a government. The end can’t come soon enough.

    • It will only get worse under National, who will impose austerity, wage cuts and privatise everything. All they care about is profit and not human need and wellbeing.

    • Still 27,000 people living in motel rooms and burying themselves in debt with MSD for the next 2 or 3 generations. Otherwise all good.

      The Dr PM is doing an outstanding job with inter-generational poverty and a growing dysfunctional society in the future.

      The Dr that doesn’t care much for her patients.

    • He probably doesn’t want to ‘spread”(his legs), himself too wide or he could end up on a waiting list for urgently needed surgery for a couple of years!

  3. I thought it more vintage Ardern than anything else. Make changes to get the problems off the front page but don’t change the failed policy.

    Insisted the broken, clocked out, disinterested Faff stay well past his used by date (10 years ago) for what reason again? It was an abysmal piece of staff management. That’s on Jacinda?

    Gives the loathsome and frankly oddball Mallard a gift from the taxpayer, namely an all expenses paid retirement gig in Ireland so the self centred creep would finally fuck off from parliament. Thanks for that. Not!

    Threw Poto under the bus she (Ardern) is driving. Yes, Poto was fucking hopeless but she had no credentials in the first place, any fool but our PM could see that. Poto was the welfare piece of the puzzle to match the equally useless fluffy commissioner Ardern appointed to go with the kindness to crime policy. Its the policy that’s doing the damage to Labour, not Poto!

    And named the super reactive Chippy as police minister whilst leaving him with the swathe of other portfolios. Someone forgot to remind him NZ is still under Covid traffic light yellow 3.1 or whatever the hell it is with all the mindless nanny restrictions the rest of us are ignoring!

    Somehow I do not think the criminal fraternity are going to be at all worried with changes for appearance sake, in fact they will be clinking their meth pipes together after that announcement.

    And the next 5 drive by shootings plus miscellaneous ram raids will end the Hipkins honeymoon before it begins.

    Labour are no nearer to taking out the next election than they were a week ago!

    • X-ray. I don’t think you can say that Labour will continue with failed policies, when already Chris Hipkins is signalling changes in policy, and significantly, a focus on young people, where he does have a wealth of hands-on experience – it was horrid Bill English who appeared happy to designate all our young guys to the scrap heap and replace them with imports, and that was defeatist if anything ever was. The social factors driving crime do need articulating and addressing.

      Shutting up Mark Mitchell, the dog man who struggles to even open his mouth when he speaks, is another big plus – not the best role model, and he can look a bit of a blurter.

      Coster’s ok, the cops did quite well at the Parliament demos in spite of being handicapped by Mallard and bearing the brunt of Covid policy phobias.

      • Ahhhh Millsy…answer me this:
        When police were being issued with Tasers for the first time for frontline staff…Hone Harawira and Keith Loke were shouting to anyone who would listen that maori would be Tasered left right and centre….basically the new ‘toy’ will be tried out on maori.
        After the first year of issue the stats were ‘presented 1200 times, and used 30 times’ maybe not exact figures but the ratio is about right.
        When the figures were released Hone and Keith were silent, and no statement about the official numbers from either was given!..why was that Millsy?

      • Millsy
        I suggest, and if i was Hipkins I would direct the cops to those wear night glasses that make everyone look green. That way they can just gun down criminals – not by their colour as you suggest, but by their crime. Last I checked, shooting at someone green is not racist so that would appease the woke. How’s that!

      • Ah yes, how very ALT-Left of you.
        Lack the intelligence to debate the issue and cry racist in the hope it shuts the other person up.
        Meanwhile actual working kiwis are losing their peace, their businesses and their lives.

    • Thanks for the critique Xray I prefer Bomber’s but will keep a copy to match up with how the predictions work out.

    • Xray, speaking of changes for appearance sake do you think those gang members, that are criminally inclined, will reform because they have no patch to wear?

  4. Megan Woods is still there stuffing up housing. Can Hipkins give true value to education and police both major portfolios.
    Sepuloni is still there not listening to advise on OT and children commissioners and Angry Andrew is still trying to proof he can bully nurses into accepting his authority to rob them of their rights

    • ‘Angry Andrew’ merely wants a health system focused on treating patients and not profit. National will impose profit seeking on our health system like they did 30 years ago, when they closed hospital after hospital.

      • If Andrew L just wanted a health system that focussed on getting patients treated he would stop wasting his time and our money restructuring the health system. He would be ensuring that there was a cardiologist in wairoa, a psychologist in Northland and that we increased the actual staff who are the health system, I e Drs and Nurses and allied health professionals. And he would be working even harder getting staff for mental health. By the way why did get funding for suicide prevention work, when he has no background in this field and what was it spent on?
        MikeKing on his own achieved more for mental health than any minister or anyone in the ministry

        • I believe you have something there Anker. And it occurred to me that 1 July is a damnable time to start shaking up already stretched hospital systems – just when winter flu and other viruses start going in winter. And there are family visitors arriving from overseas to see the “Covid family already here.
          (Interesting English lesson for foreign residents and perhaps NZrs – these all sound the same, what do they mean and is there some way they are connected? Flu, Flew, Flue.)

        • The restrcutuing will ensure that the health system is public owned and delivered as a public service for the next few decades.

          The system that Mike King is proposing is a return to the health reforms of the 1990’s where public health services were privatised and commercialised.

          Sometime mental health issues can be fixed by meeting one’s material needs or sorting out issue in their personal lives. All Mike King offers is ‘someone to talk to’.

      • You cannot treat patients with no nurses or doctors and in the rest homes 800 beds have been lost because this caring government will not support the cost of nurses in the sector who are even worst of than the public health. If you care so mch about people take off you Labour blinkers ad look at what has happened over the last 5 years . I am on record on this blog saying I did not support th poor outcome that National provide in the matter of health and education. zI honestly believe if elected a new National government would not make th mistakes of the last one.

      • LOL
        The first thing Labour did when they got into government was the scrap the performance metrics that held the DHBs to account.

        • THe performance metrics favoured the middle class over the poor and chronically sick. Every person who presents at the hospital should be treated. The targets were stopping that from happening

        • And started working on remuneration for nurses and teachers after 9 years of neglect and increased police numbers. Ooh you forgot to mention that Andrew. LOL!

    • Trevor ‘Still waters run deep’. That’s all I have to say. Your comments are so right but hope that the ‘still’ pollies mentioned go like ducks, you know paddling like hell underneath in the deep water. On the surface they give me the ague.

    • Tragic Trevor, when are you putting your name forward as an MP. Seriously you have all the answers and name calling down pat.

  5. I see it as a win for the right with Ardern listening to their criticisms of her Ministers.
    But the big failure children in poverty still being ignored.

  6. The final insult will be if Mallard gets a knighthood!
    You know….those things that Clark and Cullen abolished as ‘coloninialism’ but when reinstated grabbed his with both hands and enjoyed being called ‘Sir’

  7. The usual suspects above–fulminating as usual–yes Labour is ineffective bar reforms like good boosts to the minimum wage which make SME and small employers projectile vomit. And the upcoming FPAs–well done Mr Wood!

    But Labour despite all the flaws still remain the lesser evil compared to the dirty filthy natzos and Epsom twerker. They need to be re-elected with Greens and Te Pāti Māori. The Capitalist class won’t like that up ’em.

    And in 2026 new gens will have to get organised and get up on their hind legs and force the retirement of Rogernomics once and for all. Michael Wood as leader sounds good.

  8. A couple of brain farts:
    This reshuffle has come 6 months too late – already there are too many in various electorate demographics that Labour have managed to alienate and who are not likely to forget what they see as betrayal.

    It’s a shame it didn’t go further – Sepoloni hasn’t exactly ‘performed’ in either public welfare or farts portfolios even given the veneer of diversity.

    Hopefully McNulty will be able to educate, or at least go some way to educating JA, remaining cargo cultists and neoliberal ideologues as to a few realities.

    But thankyou JA for at least getting rid of tne bookmark/placeholder. We’ll see if it’s enough, but somehow I doubt it – you’ve managed to alienate too many – even to the extent that there are now NZ refugees. There are headwinds going forward, and it may not be a soft landing in this space, although our fundamentals are in better shape than our competitors. Of course we’ll need to wait and see the assessment from the likes of Kemrun Buggery, Tone Zanda and Craigs Vestmint Partnus, and then take it from there.

  9. The chairs on the Titanic have had a shuffle. Is Mallard Jacinda’s father?. Why would you reward A psychotic bully, who has cost this country a fortune and has been one of the most devisive politicians in recent times, by giving him the golden handshake of an overseas post as a diplomat. It’s insane, and most people won’t look upon JA kindly for giving Mallard that donut.

    • New view I assumed it was the two H’s who advise Ardern who recommended rewarding Trevor Mallard in such a surreal sort of way. I assumed Mallard would slink off in disgrace after his despicable antics. I assumed he would be called to account, but no, only the police are being called to account for the fiasco in Parliament grounds. At least Winston Peters is initiating legal action against Trevor for his cowardly silence about one small part of his behaviour. The Wellington City Council should too. It is all very odd indeed.

  10. I still remember the interviews with Faffoi about conversion therapy bill. Those panic eyes when asked about whether CT was still happening (the Ministry RIS statement had said education was better than making CT a criminal offence). Other train wreck interviews like when Heather DPA asked him if parents would be prosecuted if they said no to puberty blockers.

    Or the hate speech bill.

    Nz has had the wool pulled over their eyes by the conversion therapy will be used to stop parents (possibly teachers and counsellors) from objecting to the medical transitioning of children

  11. The NSA won’t want intel going to the NZ Police, too much risk of leaks and they won’t want NZ blowing cases on the big fish by the NZ Police chasing minnows. Anything passed on will have been cleared by the US first.

    Arrests usually just create job vacancies unless you can actually break up the systems & supply chains. Perp walking low level gang bangers makes good photo ops, but has little real effect.

  12. You right wing guys can poo poo Jacinda’s move as much as you like. But a right wing guy like me knows the game is back on! Be fun to see the next poll…I hope it won’t have changed the trend, that would a great outcome, but I fear Bomber could be on the money. But don’t panic, Luxon won’t give away any good policy this early in the game.

    • JK than would imply he has “good policy” to give away. At the moment its “stop government spending its inflationary…….oh but I won’t cut anything”

        • ‘Bo chance’…’un fact’

          Meds wearing off Bert? You had a go at others for spelling mistakes, can we assume you are OK with it being pointed out to you?

          • Psychologist prescribing medicine You’re Alaways Wrong?
            Is your frontal lobe damage improving with that dose of Trump Kool-aid?

  13. they’ve got 2 months to implement some policy, any policy…failure to act will consign them to the circular filing cabinet….in short extract the digit sharpish.

  14. Mallard once offered Auckland a tax payer funder water front rugby stadium, so it’s hard to believe he was once a half decent Minister. Who was famous for in 2003 promising to shove a beer bottle where the doesn’t shine in the anatomy of the International Rugby Board Chairman based in they are well aware of and dreading his diplomatic skills in Ireland

  15. ” He checked out in 2016 and never came back to work. ”

    He should never have reached cabinet and be responsible for some very damaging issues ..his appointment showed how inept and brainless Adern and her advisors were.

    I knew before 2017 when he left Nat TV that he would struggle to keep afloat.

    Still the same faces endorsing the same neo liberal medicine which will never cure the disease.

    Megan Woods was not mentioned Bomber ? and correct me if I’m wrong but she has kept housing so as I said the same failed approach which will do nothing for the travesty of housing in this country.

    And Mallard after suckling at the tax payer tit and all his gold plated perks is a welcome departure and Adern couldn’t even be honest when she remarked about him leaving and a number of the others.

    LINO look after their worst relatives and never face the scrutiny or honesty of their appalling behaviour.

    It took me back to the Shyster and the way he governed. Jacinda Transparency Adern is exactly the same.

    • Gerry pies Brownlee.. .. bahahahahaha!
      Michael mysterious homeless man Woodhouse
      Maureen fucking useless Pugh. Bahahahahaha

  16. Right te ho! Now that’s out of the way.

    Let’s have a snap election!

    This government sucks!

    • Bob
      Inflation has diminished the value of our old bob. And the one-liners and ripostes at you are putting in seems as if this blog is playtime for you; a time filler for you and the screen. If you don’t have anything to say that
      helps with our problems, how about some quotes from dead famous people. I am amazed that past primitives knew so much compared to we fabulously informed people of today.

      • He is a total bore Greywarbler but when he regurgitates Mike Hosking quotes he loses any smidgen of credibility he has. He obviously hasn’t paid any attention to you however, as he’s had many, many one liners since.


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