I watched the Royal Wedding alone on my couch with only everyone else’s twitter feed and Siri to keep me company. After an hour, Siri stopped responding to my constant questions as to why am I reviewing this bloody thing.
Sartre was wrong when he said ‘Hell is other people’. Hell is other people’s twitter feeds…
…Royal Wedding plus Rugby with a smidgen of mass shootings. Nothing manages to sum up NZ’s Twitter consciousness better than than.
9pm – The only thing that excites me about the royal wedding is reading the hate column by Kate Hawkesby next week in the Herald where she criticizes everything Meghan Markle did in alphabetical order
11.43pm – Meghan Markle walking over the grave of Henry VIII after he beheaded so many other woman for marriage is one of Feminism’s finest hours.
11.47pm – When do they sacrifice the children to their Zombie God? I haven’t been to a Church wedding for a while
12.03am – God Save the Queen is the most depressing song ever
12.05am – When do they set fire to the peasants?
12.11am – There was a lot less celebratory blood spilling than I was expecting
It’s funny watching so many in my twitter feed who usually rage against privilege roll over and rub the tummy of a Royal Wedding.
Best moment? The Gospel Bishop
…would you say it’s a nice day for a white wedding Billy?
Finally, as we all became emotional tourists to a Royal marriage that none of us were invited to, just watch this short 3minute clip of the most detailed image ever taken of the Andromeda Galaxy to truly appreciate how utterly insignificant our feverish wedding projections are…
…Siri is still not talking to me.