You are here:  Home  >  Bloggers  >  Martyn Bradbury  >  Current Article

#RoyalWedding review from a cynic who doesn’t care

By   /  May 20, 2018  /  6 Comments

TDB recommends Voyager - Unlimited internet @home as fast as you can get

I watched the Royal Wedding alone on my couch with only everyone else’s twitter feed and Siri to keep me company. After an hour, Siri stopped responding to my constant questions as to why am I reviewing this bloody thing.

    Print       Email

I watched the Royal Wedding alone on my couch with only everyone else’s twitter feed and Siri to keep me company. After an hour, Siri stopped responding to my constant questions as to why am I reviewing this bloody thing.

Sartre was wrong when he said ‘Hell is other people’. Hell is other people’s twitter feeds…

…Royal Wedding plus Rugby with a smidgen of mass shootings. Nothing manages to sum up NZ’s Twitter consciousness better than than.

9pm – The only thing that excites me about the royal wedding is reading the hate column by Kate Hawkesby next week in the Herald where she criticizes everything Meghan Markle did in alphabetical order

11.43pm – Meghan Markle walking over the grave of Henry VIII after he beheaded so many other woman for marriage is one of Feminism’s finest hours.

11.47pm – When do they sacrifice the children to their Zombie God? I haven’t been to a Church wedding for a while

12.03am – God Save the Queen is the most depressing song ever

12.05am – When do they set fire to the peasants?

12.11am – There was a lot less celebratory blood spilling than I was expecting

It’s funny watching so many in my twitter feed who usually rage against privilege roll over and rub the tummy of a Royal Wedding.

Best moment? The Gospel Bishop

Best tweet…

…would you say it’s a nice day for a white wedding Billy?

Finally, as we all became emotional tourists to a Royal marriage that none of us were invited to, just watch this short 3minute clip of the most detailed image ever taken of the Andromeda Galaxy to truly appreciate how utterly insignificant our feverish wedding projections are…

…Siri is still not talking to me.

Want to support this work? Donate today
Follow us on Twitter & Facebook
    Print       Email


  1. J S Bark J S Bark says:

    We were irrelevant when we hopped down from the banana trees and started promoting PG Tips tea…

    • CLEANGREEN says:

      Yes Martyn Pomp & ceremony for who?

      At best it is a welcome ‘diversion from UK Government’s relentless attack on Russia, Russia, Russia,- eh?

      Just a cleverly setup diversion perhaps I believe.

      “Pomp and Ceremony” or “Pomp and Circumstance?”

      A reader wonders why the expression “pomp and ceremony” is being replaced by “pomp and circumstance.”

  2. Denny Paoa says:

    The Wealthy Beneficiary & the Trailer Trash hooking up …..

  3. Nitrium Nitrium says:

    Can happily say I didn’t see a single minute of it. Jonathon Pie has a nice video on the wedding/royals that I can’t disagree with:
    “The Queen… is a fucking gangster”. “It’s unhinged”.

  4. mosa says:

    Actually the absurd hype surrounding this in the last few weeks convinced me that my time is better spent doing other things than watching this celebrity manaia which when you think about what is happening in the real world it could not be more inconsequential.

    When the propaganda 6pm news service runs this claptrap as the main news story for 14 minutes ( that is fast forwarding ) it just shows how mindless and stupid their priorities really are.

    Watching the brief news clip that TVNZ have been broadcasting showing Victoria Beckham strolling down the footpath with that conceited look on her face as if her own shit doesn’t stink pretty much sums up the whole thing.

  5. WILD KATIPO says:

    Oh its bread and circuses for the masses,… suck it up , people.

    I’m in two minds, the Queen does have passive powers ie; if a Governor General approaches the Queen to dissolve a govt in the Commonwealth apparently it needs that tick of approval…

    Hear that Jerry Mateparae?

    Where were YOU when Key was lieing about mass surveillance, Operation Burnham and creating a tax haven in NZ ???!!!

    We talk of ‘the Crown’ regarding our democracy … and the Queen IS criticized for being a high brow bludger, but they do donate heavily to charity’s around the world,… tax deductible , of course…

    The English Monarchy is described as a relic,… but it is also involved in world affairs and finance far more than many would like to actually admit.

    I’m not sure if David Icke is totally correct about reptilians and vampiristic goings on,…but I do think hes right on the money when it comes to world manipulation in high places , and that includes by those things unseen by the human eye. Yeah , – demons. They’ve been plaguing humankind for eons.

    But the truth is we dont need any of them.

    And by that I mean any of these historical monarchy’s and centralist leaders. We dont need any of them nor have we ever needed them. They have only caused massive destructive wars, economic strangleholds and constant widespread suffering with their bloated egos and their empire building.

    We would be far better off without them and their totalitarian agendas.

    Instead even nation states would be not needed, – just basically regionally elected councils all inter-trading with each other… and sharing the wealth.

    Echoes of John Lennon?



    Most probably.

    So I guess until then we are stuck with toffs running around wearing quaint archaic dress and uniforms deigned a century and more ago… getting married in monolithic cathedrals while a sandy beach would have done instead , appearing in Woman’s Weekly , on our TV’s , dashing off to Morocco for the weekend followed by a mob of equally shallow news hounds ,… and cluttering up the serious issues.

    But it could be worse,… they could actually be like this guy…

    Idi Amin – the Amazin’ Man song – YouTube
    Video for idi amin song▶ 4:50

    Idi Amin – Wikipedia

You might also like...

Dear NZ – just checking that if Trump is lunatic enough to stumble into a war with Iran – WE WILL NOT JOIN HIM RIGHT?

Read More →