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  1. Little Ted and Big Ted, grifting away… It won’t be long now, for both of them. The bigger the ted, the more glorious the fall. Bye bye Teddies!

  2. Here’s the Greatest Deal Ever: I get all your beautiful country’s golf courses, I notify your personal sharebroker 48 hours before any of my random tariff changes.

  3. Donald to Chris, ‘Oh what beautiful hair you have’, Chris to Donald, ‘0000000000000000Oh what beautiful teeth you have’ Donald to Chris, ‘ why thank you I just polished them this morning just for our photo shot.”

  4. Trump gives a big thumbs up to everyone as he poses alongside fairytale character Shrek.

  5. Statler and Waldorf agree to ask each other what tie they are wearing, before each Muppet Show

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