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  1. In racing news, media favourite Blinglish had the clear running to take the Leadership Handicap, followed home by Solomudda and Chromedome. This follows the shock scratching of Keysta after his handlers, Crosby & Textor, discovered fitness issues.

  2. Dildo, Pullya and Dipper
    keen to put in the slipper.
    If you’re poor and weak
    they’ll make you shriek
    with a swift kick right in the zipper