Political Caption Competition
Ask me one more question on tax and you get the back of my hand!
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Political Caption Competition
Worst Orgy Ever
Open Mic WEDNESDAY 24th JUNE 2026
FACT OF THE DAY: Teeth are the only part of the human body that cannot heal themselves. POLITICAL QUOTE OF…
I’m the voice of reason here, keeping calm in the midst of crazy unrest and dysfunction.
I know all about words and how to present figures to the bewildered and confused. I know how to ‘diss’ the ‘dys’ and keep a straight face heh!
The soothsayer read my palm and assured me that I would be PM come October. However I can’t show you my palm because I can’t remember which one she read. But I have complete confidence in her interpretation, so that’s all you really need to know.
“I don’t know how many time you want me to lie to you, but if you want to know how much tax New Zealander’s will be receiving, just phone Bayley’s real estate Head Office Beijing.”
Eureka, I found a way to plug the half billion dollar fiscal hole in our modelling. Instead of Chorus switching off its copper network later this year, I’ll just sell it. It must be worth a billion, and not everyone is happy being forced onto less reliable broadband, which will clap out during a power failure, when another cyclone hits. Reliability in an emergency is life saving.
“How many hands am I holding up?”
“One, obviously!”
“No it’s more than that, come on, we’ve been very clear about this.”
“It’s still one, your holding up one hand.”
“No no no, you see Nicola’s holding my other one, so that’s two hands. Our modeling is robust and there will be other opinions.”
“You’ve got two hands, but you’re only holding up one. The other one you’re holding behind your back and Nicola’s not there. We can all see that.”
(Luxon walks off)
“I can count to five on one hand, but that’s the best I’ve got. But trust me, I’m confident with that number.”
“You have nice figures, Rebecca. Busy after? There’s an Upper Room here. I think there’s a spreadsheet up there, if you’d like to join me…”
“Yeah nah!”
“These aren’t the tax numbers you’re looking for…”
“Yes they are!”
“These aren’t the questions we’re looking for…”
“These are my questions!”
“Move along! Move along!”
The Force is benign in that one