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  1. “Kia Ora” Prime minister explains wonderful pine trees in the ETS to a sheep and beef farmer before flying to Antarctica with her boyfriend.

  2. “I don’t have any change for you unfortunately but I do understand how difficult this must be for you…”

  3. “Five dollars!”
    “One.”
    “Five dollars!”
    “Two.”
    “Five dollars!”
    “Okay okay! Five dollars it is. Now give me the details of the race and the horse…”

  4. Our party has just given trillions to culturally diverse, big business charities so we won’t be making a donation today, but trickle down will happen any decade now. E noho rā.

  5. Is the cost of living affecting you? My people have set up 1000 commissions, working groups, gang charities, diverse charities and hui’s to work out why V drinks are so expensive compared to meth and RTD’s. We have even consulted with the dead and foreign backpackers and property investors to make sure they are well looked after with cost of living payments. In our haste we may have paid out to the wrong people but our trust in the rich, non residents and increasing our unqualified wokeforce giving out the money, is big in our eyes. I would say more, but it is redacted.

  6. Man enjoying benefits of oppressive cis-het-white-supremacist-right-handed-neurotypical-patriarchy has his privilege explained by intersectional feminist.

  7. Religious leader puzzled that laying on of hands fails to appreciate voter’s capital assets by 30%

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