‘I was exhausted with dating’: Why young Kiwis are moving overseas for love
For Shannon Lee, moving to London wasn’t just a career decision, it was a modern-day leap of faith for love, adventure and herself.
“I was exhausted with dating in Auckland,” the 27-year-old said.
“It felt like I was going through the same people again and again. I would go on a date and bump into someone I had already matched with.
Maybe men and women just hate each other more than before?
It’s fascinating watching how the extremes of the #MeToo purge continues to reverberate and alienate, one bad date can metastasize on social media into a hate crime while male violence against women
Mothers now fear their sons will be accused of sexual assault more so than they are fearful of their daughters being sexually assaulted!
There is no forgiveness now in the awkwardness of boys and girls, men and women becoming sexually attracted to each other.
The fumbles, the grey zone interaction, the once forgivable foibles of human nature are all recentered and weaponised as patriarchy rape culture.
The Holy Trinity of woke Identity Politics is:
- All white people are irredeemable cross burning racists
- B-E-L-I-E-V-E A-L-L women, A-L-L MEN ARE RAPISTS
- Anyone defending free speech is a uniform wearing Nazi who hates the Trans community
This dogma fuelled the social media Lynch mob cancel culture and between 2014-2020 when the Woke activists ruled Twitter and Facebook until the social media hate algorithms took over and the culture war ammunition our middle class woke activists generated for the Right swung back in devastating backlash culminating ion Trump’s spectacular election victory.
The Woke now live on Bluesky which has zero social media clout and is the equivalence of screaming into a padded echo chamber.
Good, please Christ let the Wellington Woke stay there.
I don’t think we have a toxic masculinity problem, we have a wounded masculinity problem that creates toxic behaviour.
Toxic masculinity reduces all aspect of masculinity as evil.
Wounded masculinity acknowledges the damage without tainting all masculinity as the problem.
Andrew Tate is a toxic misogynist prick because he is a toxic misogynist prick, he isn’t a toxic misogynist prick because he is male.
Many young men are lost and alienated, pushing them further away by framing all men as the problem drives them into the arms of those who would manipulate their identity crisis.
Woman, free from being forced to marry the local dud who got them pregnant have taken their new found equality and become just as selfish as men were, which is an interesting victory.
Women’s never ending list of what they want sounds as delusional as men’s…
‘Men seem to make life for women worse’: single US women share the woes of dating in 2025
Here’s why some women feel like there’s little hope in the current dating pool of men – if they’re still in the market for one
…there is a dawning realisation of how maybe the MeToo movement went from a moment of enlightenment into a tomb of alienation…
Opinion: Why men + women + apps = bad romance
Boy, was I wrong.
I joked in the book that men were evolving slowly, if at all. But now many men do seem rudderless in an era when they are doing worse than women, by many metrics. More women are enrolled in college than men are. And a worrying number of men say they have no close friends. Some women still want men to take care of them. And some men are anxious about being a provider if they can’t even afford a starter home.
Social media and media are bristling with women – and sometimes men – expressing resentment, irritation, frustration and exhaustion about the opposite sex.
…apparently the intersectionist woke dogma that painted all heteronormative cis males as toxic masculinity was a tad alienating.
The truth is wounded masculinity is doing more damage and labelling young men as toxic is deeply counter productive.
Boys growing up without dads are in crisis, report says
- By the age of 14, almost half of first-born children do not live with both natural parents, compared to 21% for those born in 1970
- Boys are now more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their dad
- Boys are struggling in education, more likely to take their own lives, less likely to get into stable work, and far more likely to be caught up in crime
- As the likelihood of a masculine presence in the home diminishes, young men are seeking new modes of masculinity, like the controversial social media personality Andrew Tate
- Lawrence Dallaglio, the former England rugby union captain, backed the report, stating: “We have been so careless in our downgrading of the traditional masculine virtues that we are in danger of leaving a whole generation behind.”
It costs less money long term to fix hurt boys than angry men but the woke weren’t interested in that, in 2016 when they suddenly gained cultural power via social media, middle class woke identitarians plus Fourth Wave Feminists plus non-binary activists were too busy labelling all masculinity as toxic to even consider the knock on effect of all that hashtag activism and woke cancel culture.
To them, ALL men and boys were so toxic that they must be constrained and muzzled and leashed and denigrated.
The project was to ‘build a better beta’.
Patriarchy was defined as ALL men and everything male, it was all toxic and Me Too allowed a social media Lynch mob that generated immense cultural backlash.
Due process was heteronormative white cis male privilege, the new evidential threshold was anything women said on twitter and into that new world parents raising sons feared their boys would be accused of rape more than they feared their daughters of being raped which is insane because women are in far greater danger of that being true.
You know shit just got real when even the Guardian starts wondering if the middle class woke Identitarian cancel culture Lynch mobs of 2016 were really such a good idea after all…
The push to end sexual violence has sparked a revenge campaign setting fire to women’s rights and pushing young men to the right. But organizers can learn from the movement’s losses
…Trump’s incendiary victory off the backs of resentment seeded by woke dogma demands the Left learn the lessons of toxic identity politics.
My guess is that women will continue to be disappointed in Men not fulfilling their long, long, long lists of demands while men simply retreat into a world of violent Porn and AI girlfriends…
‘Obedient, yielding and happy to follow’: the troubling rise of AI girlfriends
AI dating sites claim they remove potential for exploitation, but critics say they are reinforcing harmful stereotypes
…AI girlfriends? WTF crazy headspace is that???
Maybe men and women just hate each other more than before?
Imagine if the Woke, BLM, Trans and MeToo movements had listened to the 1990s Rainbow Community on how to build solidarity instead of their own alienating intersectionist subjective rage?
Imagine if MeToo hadn’t mutated into a Salem witch trial where the new evidential threshold becomes ‘whatever a women says on Twitter’.
Imagine if BLM acknowledged that far more white people were shot by Police than black people and instead of rioting had progressed their argument with solidarity?
Imagine if the Trans community had not been so screamingly militant?
Imagine if the woke hadn’t started cancel culture deplatforming?
Imagine if the entire Identity Politics movement had sought to build class solidarity rather than alienating bullshit?
It’s not a witch hunt men feared from METOO because there clearly were monsters out there, what men feared was a witch trial, and that’s what it quickly descended into because due process became heteronormative white cis male privilege.
It was as if ‘To Kill a Mockingbird‘ was never written.
This year at a school I am very familiar with, a young male student committed suicide.
They had become the source of gossip and accusations of sexually assaulting a female student.
These accusations had depressed the young male student.
Their father was attending a school meeting calling out the schools lack of ability to stop this bullying and while they were making their complaint at the meeting, the Father was informed they had to hurry home because their son had committed suicide.
The Father rushed home and returned the next day to scream and scream and scream at the school outside the Principles office.
I have no idea how we repair, heal or even attempt to learn anything from this explosion of social media vileness and gender identity anger.
We told a generation of young women that every man would try to rape them and told a generation of young men they were rapists.
This is the unforgivable mass of humanity we have boiled into.
Maybe men and women just hate each other more than before?
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No.
Men and women love each other as much as ever before, I think probably more than yesterday.
Focus (please?)
When an older man is accused as I accuse Winston Peters, THAT is serious.
If I am in a team, please focus. If I’m not, please tell me so.
People confusing love and lust is probably the main cause of relationship issues. When significant numbers of people get their values from the likes of Andrew Tate or the porn industry, it’s easy to understand why relationships are a mess. As you say there are also couples who have true love based on respect, admiration concern and a desire to make their partners life better and not only a selfish motive of what’s in this for me. If both partners have self-sacrificing love then the relationship will improve both of their lives however the many situations you see where one partner seeks to dominate and the other is not much more than a servant is not guaranteed a future.
It’s the algorithms. You look at one ‘influencer’ who has a negative take on the opposite sex (in the war of the sexes) and the algorithm will feed you more and if you click with the algorithm it feeds you more and more.
Your AI girlfriend will just be hanging around when Skynet comes for you… https://youtu.be/gIxq03dipUw
Corina Shields bullied me off X in 2023 when I opined, “Te Ao in politics is problematic.”
Is she saying she’s ready to apologise?
Or is there still a Gaia Gunn gap??
Like, she knew me did she?
She had everything wrong.
She throws around her fatigue for sympathy. It makes me feel sick.
Corina, would you like to belong in The Sisterhood with me??
I think we all need to develop and nurture a sense of humour and a bit of resignation, and compassion for each other. It’s hard being alive always has been. But there are moments of pleasure as well as boredom. Think of all the words in the dictionary describing our every little and big thing! Take up music, that’s mad, making sounds in coordination with each other. Stop taking ourselves and others and the world for granted. We may not have a livable one for long. Start a little group where you all read a book and then your own feelings about itld something like that happen? Is it possible to explain to others set in their ways what you know will happen and be disastrous for them. Aren’t we in that situation ourselves now? Face to face developing your own ideas. Poof to social media.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Secret_People
Perhaps set meeting places where you can do your own thing, be relaxed but where numbers are controlled with even numbers of males and females and trans etc. A speed dating style with ten minutes with even time ofor each person, you have to talk and you have to find something that interests the other person and talk about it or get them to explain it. Learn how to banter and not worry if you don’t get big smiles every time.
Regard it as social training in the same way as gyms do physical training. Have music and you go into one of two close circles and walk around and when the music stops you talk to the person in front of you. Though this sounds terribly rigid it needs to be tried, initiative can change things. We can do it. People feel obliged to keep physically fit but if we are mentally unwell we aren’t in balance. Stretch physical muscles and then get used to talking, stretch your mental approach, learn to take a sympathetic interest in another human being. What goes on in their heads and be able to talk about your own thoughts and interests, that you are willing to share.
Continually being in a frenzied state of finding fault with others all the time gets us nowhere. If we are so smart then we must make ourselves do something different that will have a worthwhile effect to match the effort.
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