NZ Family Court turns on Fathers


Tactics against Fathers are increasing in the new ‘believe all women’ mantra and it’s causing enormous issues in our broken Family Court…

Dad can’t resume contact with child until Family Court delay clears

Many parents have contacted Stuff about the impact Family Court procedures are having on relationships with their children – including how delays in the system are stopping access issues from being resolved. Nadine Roberts reports.

As a supervisor looked on, *Brendon tried to give his child Christmas in the four hours he was allocated.

Feeling broken by the Family Court system, he hid his sadness that he was only able to see his boy two weeks before Christmas.

While others feasted with family on the day, Brendon could only think of what he had lost.

…As a father who spent 5 excruciating and emotionally damaging years in the Family Court trying to gain access to my daughter, the manner in which the Court has been spooked by allegations that they are anti-women for merely acknowledging that it is in the best interests of the child to have a relationship with the Father has led to the ‘believe all women’ mantra so that any allegation of abuse is used to prevent the father from seeing their children.

The unfair manner in which child support is structured is always championed by the feminists who demand more egregious penalties against solo fathers, while the true damage the Family Court and Child Support mechanisms cause solo fathers is always hushed up and never discussed…

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It was a note that should have sent a chill through Family Court judges and the lawyers that represent separated parents.

The note encompassed *Sam’s last thoughts, and the sense of hopelessness he felt about a system that enabled children to become estranged from a parent.

“Fix the Family Court,” Sam wrote.

Increasingly overwhelmed by a court system that could suspend access to his 4-year-old son without any evidence that it was required, Sam died by suicide, in his Auckland sleep-out, some time in the first two days of June 2019.

…Sam, like many solo fathers, chose suicide rather than the corrupt and unfair Family Court system and child support system.

When I went to the Family Court 13 years ago it acted under the belief that it was in the best interests of the child to have a relationship with their Father. that philosophy has gone,  it’s all about prosecuting the mother’s list of abuses to stop kids from having any access to their children.

I wouldn’t advice any father trying to go through the system now, my guess is that the fallout will see more fathers simply walking away from the process altogether.

We are a nation of fatherless children raised by embittered solo mothers, that is situation that is forever championed, but the solo fathers trying their best to provide for their kids are constantly a political punching bag and their interests are always ignored by a system that drives fathers away.



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  1. How true .My son was told by police to get a protection order from the court because his ex wife was violent.When he arrived to file his application the two receptionists took great delite in telling him he could not even file for the order as he was male and told him to go away .Another male family member has been banned from having contact with his two sons because he is an alcoholic ,yet their mother is adicted to alcohol,meth and cocain .She is currently in witness protection because she ripped off her drug dealer and is living in a womans refuge house with 3 kids two of which did not attend school last year because she was too stoned to bother .He might be an alcoholic but he still runs his own business so would be able to provide a more suitable home for his two boys and would ensure they attended school daily as was the case when they were a family .Lots of children are being abused by their mother as a means of pissing her ex off as well as being used as an ATM for the mum .I have seen the other side as well where the male is an arsehole and his kids are better off with out him .But sadly most women find it very easy to lie about their partner so they get control of the home which is the couples bigest asset and the father still has to pay the mortgage .

  2. Undoubtedly single mother household produce the worst child statistics. Highest rates of youth offending, highest rates of prostitution and lowest rates of education.

  3. Male life expectancy fell at the end of Labours 6 years.
    It’s not that the left don’t like straight men, it’s that they hate them.

    • Trevor Wrong. Davidson does not, in her usual simplistic way, push that all older white men are rapists. She proclaims that regardless of age, white cisgender males are responsible for all the violence in society, insanely, IMO, absolving Maori, Pacifica, Asian, Eastern, and the colour brown, from taking responsibility for their own behaviour. I expect that this is why she suggested white men delete themselves. This sick potage is called “ colonialism “.

      Our younger males had previously been written off en masse by slippery Bill English when they were already deleting themselves in heart breaking numbers without him putting his dirty boot into them too. Men have reason to feel under siege in this country, but we all are, except perhaps for the transgender extremists whose ideology permeates every government department and pea-brained policy advisor in Wellington. The lamentable breakdown of the traditional family unit is one outcome resultant from sociopaths being given politician power, and children damaged and deprived.

      • Snow White I enjoy reading robust reflection of the facts, opened up for viewing and explaining. And not mansplaining either, everbody’s.

  4. Having been through the family court system with a vengeful ex, and seeing the results of paternal alienation syndrome and the resultant severe mental illness the kids ended up with, not to mention the anguish suffered and the expense, I find it hard to believe that 20 years later it’s worse.

    If in this situation the advice I would give any father now is walk away. Give up the kids. Let her have them. It’s just not worth it. It will fuck your life, it will fuck your kids life, and everyone will consider it your fault.

    No win situation for men. Better yet to not even have children.

  5. There is a lack of understanding between people as whole as to what we can and should aim to be, and how to treat each other fairly and pleasantly. And it is with that lack that Sam presents the facts above simply and clearly. And it is from that lack the actions and results are produced.

    We need to speak and treat each other more kindly and firmly, and try not to let bitterness even hate settle in. Probably this should be inculcated from toddlerhood so it is intrinsic. We have had bad psychological influences for centuries.l One obvious one is the sending away from home of boys (girls)to boarding school – even as young as four years old. Children need love and care and firm schedules and requirements to conform to, best coming from within the family from father, as well as mother as good role models. Without beatings or browbeating with degrading speech.

    The problems with the Family Court come from the methods of the upper-income people who have learned to despise others in difficulties, a bullying, contemptuous attitude. Their upbringing favours physical training, also intellectual study not humane psychological training. And they are more likely to have been to a ‘posh’ school where competitive sports and examinations form the parameters of their life. Not much in the way of Good Samaritan kindness, healing helpful thinking showing up at present it seems.

    • Grey Warbler. With respect, I suggest that “ upper income people”, generally, do not despise others in difficulty, they barely impinge upon their consciousness. The posh schools which you denigrate do tend do rather well in public exams, and other performance measured factors. Some parents make considerable sacrifices to send their offspring to decent schools, and in fact family breakdown and domestic tragedies can and do occur at every level in society.

      The brutal abolishing of the Commissioner for Vulnerable Children by the Labour government showed their determination not to give New Zealand children an independent voice, and was pretty indefensible.

      • Gentle Annie I don’t think your points stand strong. I’m not against education so don’t start defending what they are given.

        If what we have now is the result of raising intellectual abilities and skills in good schools for many, I don’t think they have been teaching the sort of broad education and understanding that their hyped up publicity implying it is for the top level, can achieve. They learn to be clever at their specialist subjects which are not the most important. What is, is learning how to be a smart and practical and humane human being. It’s the hardest thing to achieve and knowing humans is a lifetime subject along with knowing our planet and marrying the two together in a brilliant society. We haven’t got that have we!!

        Knowing how to tear off the sticky sellotape holding all our previous bits of knowledge in place – and leaving a sore, vulnerable place open to the air, and applying better information to the sore place. I think that sort of personal medical knowledge is needed to correct the malaise and draw out what is poisonous or just musty ad preventing healing. Does my little example get through to anybody’s poor addled mind? We have had some hurting people come on here and they have had to exercise their humanity greatly to get over their problems.

        We need to build a new, improved society. And we won’t go for a new brand of ‘corpse’. But we can look in each other’s eyes and work together with a common objective that we stick to. Like musicians making a complex piece of music, instrumental and vocal. Keep that in mind as to the type of thing we do. Forget about conspiring to build rockets and other hyped machinery. And remember that the military jump on all new science and see how they can use it in armaments. So watch that they don’t start artificial societies drawing away our own efforts from something that nurtures good humans co-operating. Where are the huge profits in that? Idea???

      • People make sacrifices to send their kids to posh schools. So their humanity can be downgraded in the service of learning skills for employment by the state coupled with high-flying business. Those poor people are trying to be rich people and give their kids a chance to get on in life and get a house and consumer items and holiday travel etc.

        It may be a fairly cheerless life with artificial inputs of pleasure. It tends to be narrow, individualistic including near family and lacking empathy and compassion which however, may be supplied in special drives through sponsorship or organised by their employing company. Basically it complies with this meaning for driven:
        being under compulsion, as to succeed or excel: eg. a driven young man who was fiercely competitive. controlled or propelled by something specified…

  6. It used to be possible for a spouse, or presumably a partner, to obtain free compulsory joint counselling from a court approved qualified psychologist. This was the only way an obstructive or coercive person could be made to front up. I don’t know which government abolished this constructive practice, but I believe it was the Nats, and there were no good reasons for doing so.

  7. Avoid lawyers like the plague. There is no money in a respectful and co-operative child rearing resolution and thousands upon thousands to be gained once a dispute begins. The free counselling was the best thing they ever did and resulted in myself and my ex raising our kids to be fully functioning, contributing and normal members of society in a co parenting arrangement that no lawyer would ever have allowed. I would say shoot all of them but they are not worth the price of a bullet. Scum, the lot of em and a pox on all of their houses

  8. Brilliant writing Martyn…Absolutely brilliant…..l had eighteen years of solo parenting…even took on my lads half sister to keep some form of family togetherness….Its certainly not easy , but doable….but we only borrow them as it turns out…they move on….Has there ever been a solo father in parliament …?? No ministry of Dads….


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