Best & Worst of Election 2023


The electorate has spoken, and apparently it has said, ‘This potato headed meat sack is our new Prime Minister and we all lose’!

The election turned out like this…

…as the dust settles and the Specials tell us National and ACT will be forced to work with NZ First, let’s look back over a wild election campaign that turned into a grudge fuck.


Best Election Interview: Rebecca Wright – NewsHub Nation

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No one watches NewsHub Nation which is a shame because I think the best interview the entire election was with Rebecca Wright destroying Christopher Luxon in a train wreck interview that highlighted just how much he is a stupid boofhead. Like really thick. It is an indictment on how bad Labour were hated by the electorate that Luxon was able to get elected after this interview.

Best Election Interviewer: Moana Maniapoto – Te Ao with Moana, Māori TV

The most fascinating insights into our politicians was done by Moana on Māori TV. Her David Seymour interview, Chippy interview, Winston interview, Māori Party and Green Party interviews were all brilliant and produced surprising interchanges that were unique and human and deep. Moana’s skill as a broadcaster is built on her intelligence and empathy. She produces what Seven Sharp and The Project should be doing if they weren’t dumbed down crass vehicles for advertisers. That Chris Luxon refused to appear speaks volumes about him as a leader. Imagine if Te Ao was primetime TVNZ and how much this kind of broadcasting could have shaped the debate?

Best Meme: 

Best Debate: Paddy Gower

He asked questions that forced the Leaders to adapt their rhetoric into everyday examples. Watching Luxon argue he would send in paramilitary police to start a riot at Gang funerals should never ever be forgotten. When Luxon said he didn’t know Winston Peters, Paddy yelled, ‘Everyone knows Winston’. Here’s another person Luxon doesn’t know…

Best Media Cheerleader – Ryan Bridges, AM Show

Look. I’m just going to make an assumption that Ryan Bridges has recently purchased a house, because his gleeful Cheerleading of anything to do with the value of property and mortgage rates seems deeply personal. You feel like he now has very firm views on capital gains tax. He’s like a poor Mike Hosking. Ryan is 3 months away from being the face of a new property app that helps Millennials get the best mortgage rate.

Best Debate Season – The Working Group

You know it!

And here is the best actual online Journalism site in NZ saying it!

A plaudit, too, to a partisan and non-media body: The Taxpayers’ Union. While it delights in provocative mischief and some personalised political attacks, during this campaign it funded and held multiple campaign debates, live-streamed, and conducted polls by a reputable pollster, Curia, for a clutch of key electorate races. The events and the polls added to the life of this campaign.


And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Worst Media Moment: Winston threatening Jack Tame

Winston had no costings for his prison promises and decided to lash out at Jack and ended up threatening his job? Winston claimed a conspiracy against him and that Jack was somehow involved with attempting to end NZ First. I was waiting for Winston to start demanding to know who Q was and why is there a secret dungeon inside TVNZ.

We are so fucked.

Best Answer – Shane Jones, Northland Debate 

At one point during our raucous Northland debate,  Matt King asked me why did I keep calling his party a ‘Conspiracy Theory Party’ to which I yelled at him, ‘because I went on your website, read your policy and you are a fucking Conspiracy Theory Party’.

I then turned to the audience and said, ‘There, I said it to your face Northland!’.

The denial of climate change and Covid was bewilderingly deep in Northland and I could barely hear the hatred spat at Willow-Jean over the duelling banjos.

As the debate ended, Shane Jones leaned into me and whispered, “They may not vote red mate, but their necks certainly are”.

He laughed.

I laughed.

And we both died on the inside.

Best question: Does Chris Luxon believe in Dinosaurs?

Of course Chris believes in Dinosaurs.


Worst Fundraising idea – Pole-dancing for the Green Party


…can we pay her not to?

Worst Answer – Luxon’s claim of a $60 a week shopping bill

Luxon claimed during one of the debates that he spent $60 a week on grocery shopping which seemed so weird and produced a flurry of news stories trying to ascertain what the hell he was eating that cost a mere $60 a week. In the above photo he has spent half his weekly supermarket spend. It was obvious he was pointlessly lying when he said he only spent $60 a week, like the way he lied about his wife gaining the Tesla subsidy while he was raging against it. For Chris these little white lies are a means to gloss over issues so one can move ahead positively. You know, like a middle management grasper who gains CEO promotion through sheer toadying.

Worst twitter temper tantrum – Chris Bishop

Look, if I had run the National Party campaign as poorly as Chris, I’d be throwing temper tantrums too, but this one which was so easily proven wrong by the media who invited everyone felt like a new low even for Chris…

…Bishop acted like a teenage tantrum for most of National’s disastrous campaign, and kept attacking things like a dog chasing parked cars. For a 40 year old, his gaunt bitter appearance has aged him, I can’t work out if it’s nicotine or being in the National Party.

Worst Race Baiting – Simeon Brown 

The more I see of Simeon Brown, the more I dislike him…

…Simeon gets sadistic kicks out of race baiting about da gangs da gangs as if he’s some tough guy. His misrepresentation of the engagement with gangs and his virgin moralism marks him either as an idiot, a liar or a sociopath. Personally I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he was caught with a huge number of unexplained children’s shoes under his house.

Worst Campaign – Liz Gunn, Brian Tamaki and the antivaxx movement

Liz Gunn got her list in late so she had no party list beyond 3 names. Getting your paperwork in to start your political movement is kinda 101 stuff and that she cocked it all up so magnificently at the first hurdle is as funny as it is pitiful. At this stage, I just think she needs some mental health intervention because this was never rational and was always unhinged.

Tamaki has gloriously screamed at ‘gutless Christians’ for his poor polling, but seeing as God tells those Christians who to vote for, isn’t Brian’s fury at the Lord rather than his vassals, and if that is the case, has God turned on Brian? Thoughts and Prayers.

The wider more feral Antivaxx conspiracy vote went nowhere…

…and only found solace in NZFirst who has given them political voice.

Thank god these narcissistic egos are so toxic they can’t work together and were eclipsed by the greatest Ego of them all, Winston Peters.

Worst Neighbourhood Watch 

Cross burning race crime or friendly bumbling pakeha bloke wanting to pat on the head to a young Māori Party candidate? Who can say? What would be nice is for Māori to be able to wander through pakeha private property with the same gleeful abandon.

Worst Election Stunt – Luxon in pirate costume

What the fuck was he doing? Fighting for Colonialism?

Worst Interviewer – Simon Shepard – Newshub Nation

Simon started the interview by launching into David, and the skill, ease and total destruction of David’s counterattack was so devastating that I felt tempted to call the Police to report an assault.

It was a reminder of just how skilful Seymour can be and why the Left were foolish to underestimate him.

Luckily for Simon no one watches NewsHub Nation.


This election wasn’t won, it was bought by private interests manipulating your anger at post Covid bitterness.

I’m not pissed that the Right won, that’s democracy, I’m pissed they won with such vapid and venal policy!

This knee jerk crap alongside counterproductive punitive measures alongside Real Estate Lobbyist wet dreams combine to vandalize the Egalitarian State

Taking from the poor to give to the rich ain’t my bag baby and we are a collectively worse nation for this outcome

The only thing that warms the cynical black splinter of what is left of my heart is the thought of Winston, Seymour and Luxon all having to work together.

If that’s ‘winning’, losing don’t feel so bad

If you thought Labour were awful, after 3 years of this National/ACT/NZ First nightmare, you will be screaming for Covid to make a come back!

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  1. And not a single Old Labourite candidate in sight. Anyone who might have become one now votes for Anthony Albanese.

  2. I 100% believe Luxon only spends $60 a week grocery shopping… and probably $600 a week on restaurants.

  3. Martyn your denigration of Luxon”s physical appearance and religion does you no credit at all. He cannot escape his baldness and is entitled to his religious beliefs as are all the other kiwis, some mps, who are Muslims or other religions.
    If you are not prepared to mock them you should not mock the new leader. Otherwise I agree totally with your assessment of the election.

  4. You left out “The Most Ineffective Labour Government Ever:” category. The winner is definitely the current Labour Government (a bit obvious really)…

  5. “This election wasn’t won, it was bought by private interests manipulating your anger at post Covid bitterness.”

    The first clause of this sentence is so true – Luxon never won anything.

    But the second clause epitomizes the left’s refusal to look in the mirror, and to learn. This election was LOST by a deluded, dishonest and incompetent parliamentary left.

    • Pope Punctilious 11. 100%. Problem with mirror gazing is that they think being secretive and divisive is good governance. Luxon now say’s that he’s going to be ‘transparent’. So did Ardern…

      • Yes I love it, they have got what they voted for Kiwijoker and here they thought Reti was the great messiah. He is just another slash and burn neoliberalist.

    • I will happily watch as the country recovers from the shit fest of wasted money that Labour oversaw….
      I will be smiling for the next 6-9yrs, your tears will make me even happier Countryboy (silent R)

      • You’ll be well dead before you get to see your hard right shit fest coalition pretend to not waste money. Mind you, the freebees that will need to be given to those wealthy donors that solicited themselves to Bennett are going to set NZ back decades.
        Your last sentence shows the truly vile idiot troll you are particularly with a ridiculous moniker like yours.

        • Haaaa my ‘moniker’ is ridiculous!!

          Pot meet kettle.

          Guess ‘Bert’ wasn’t enough and you changed it to try and fit in? (PS, it didn’t work)

          • WTF are you on about idiot Im wrong?
            And yes you are a ridiculous troll, noted by your response.

      • Idiots often smile a lot. And that may be the way for us to go like you im right – but we aren’t ready to give up yet.

    • It is good to be on the winning side hey BobIt is going to be an interesting 3 years of batting away the hatred from the Left as the country grows better.

      • Like you did to us Trevor, also Bob is now saying that the right won because the left was so bad , that doesn’t say much about the new government ‘s credibility does it. Also I suggest you learn to count because NACT have only got a majority of one and the left collective vote is actually quite impressive. Also don’t come to us complaining when this precious new government stuffs up because we will be waiting

        • You won’t be around in 9yrs Queeny, rest homes don’t have good wi-fi and by that time you will be confused and voting for NZ1st! Lol

          • I’m right you are so vocal right now, typical of someone sitting on the side lines firing the odd barb but now full of themselves when they’re on the winning team. They have a name for people like you and even for me I can not bring myself to naming it, needless to say you are what flies leave behind after eating a old meat.
            It is clear your experience of being in a rest home has held you in good stead Im right.

        • Quenny the left cannot be counted as one voice and because they cannot bend they will achieve nothing for those that they represent

        • … and you are right … they will stuff up. The country is on the way down the gurgler – thanks National and your new chums ACT (such a misnomer for a party that preaches less government). Possibly Winston First will help with this decline and, as usual, Labour/Green get left to pick up the peices, and then face charges of overspending (to compensate for the chronic public underfunding of the current lot). It would be fucking himarious if so many people weren’t hurt by the NAT/ACT/W1st shitstorm.

      • I hope you are right Trevor. I mean the country getting better. Unfortunately for centrist the dipshit attitude of “the winning side” is half the problem. Complete blindness to numbers that don’t add up and massive donations from vested interests are all swept aside by tribal hypocrites such as yourself and Bob the first.

      • Hate you Trevor, Bob, I’m Right and all, no. Words such as, manipulated, pity, despise perhaps and tolerated come to mind.

        • Welcome to free speech kiwijoker, now go into your safe space and have a wee nap!
          Labour got spanked, deal with it, it’s politics and no doubt National will get spanked in future elections also…but I for one will not need a safe space nor moan and groan. Labour needs this thumping to reimagine itself and be the party it once was, shake off what it has become.

  6. Well, it’s not going to be as bad as what is happening in Gaza.

    There is no or very little difference between the centre right, the current caretaker government, and the right, the incoming government.
    Labour spunked $100b on a bazooka and the wealthy caught a truckload of it and donated it to the incoming government.
    How dumb was that? Fuckn dumb.
    Let’s hope that lame muddle class and stupid yoofs bare the brunt of the blowback and policy changes and repealed legislation because they deserve to.
    As for the poor and forgotten. They’ll survive because that’s what they do and have done for decades. They don’t need top-down management. They just need all the parasites to fuck off.

  7. Accusations of poor performace, if not complicity, by our so called 4th estate are evidenced by the uncritical acceptance by Cluxon’s media cheerleaders of his financial policies.
    These were demonstrably (thinking of the Jack Tame and Rebecca Wright interviews, and commentary from independant economists) revealed as unworkable, and both Cluxon & the English Lit. major who poses as his Finance spokesperon could NOT produce any numbers or hard analysis to back up the bluster whenever challenged on it.
    Incredibly, this deception was allowed to be swept under the rug by our “impartial” journo’s.
    To elect such incompetent pretenders on the basis of their bluster & con-artistry whilst also screaming that the Labour govt was bad (the published economic numbers paint a different picture to the one NAct was trying to create) was a sad indictment on the reading & comprehension of the average blue team supporter.
    Had they been elected on a set of kick-arse policies that would genuinely address the pain of workers then great. But alas, we now have con-artists let loose on the government benches, with their rich donors now expecting payback. Trickleup NAct-style awaits the fools who fell for the con.

  8. History shows this new Government (i.e. one that is National led) will be around for 6 years at least (even 9 years is not impossible, but less likely). The notion that the country will already be ready to “transition” (pun intended) for another woke disastrous draconian doomer Labour Government in just 3 years seems highly unlikely imo.

  9. ” For an election ostensibly fought over a “cost-of-living crisis”, there was a strong unspoken consensus between the two major parties: most people’s living standards needed to reduce to thwart inflation. Regardless of the election result, a form of austerity was always going to win ”

    ” Both National and Labour essentially agreed with the Reserve Bank hiking interest rates to bring down inflation – a crude market discipline likely to cause redundancies, suppress wages, and increase debt and inequality.

    Such policies – classically neoliberal, specifically monetarist – are presented as if there is no alternative. Yet other countries have successfully used other measures to protect living standards, including wealth taxes, rent caps, windfall taxes on excessive profits, and major subsidies on energy payment

  10. Trying to remember, that workers club, printers not not probable wrong, in the Manners mall, Wellington. Serious Unionist, this night, when Jim Knox, and his t bone steak waving, Union, belong you can get one. Himself, Douglas, the guru Anderson, and his weird minder small, danger, and us other Trade UNION. kNOX, FUCK THEM, mc fail and Gasby, at the time on the tele, Knox, words giving him shit, Muldoon years. Cant recall, why we where there, JIM, HUGE T BONE STEAK, WAVING AROUND JOIN THE UNION, GET ONE OF THESE EVERY WEEK. AS we all walked down.

  11. Martyn, I suspect you’ll be having a helluva lot more subject matter to critique over the next 3 years with the Election of the psychotic Nactzi Party & the absolute shitfest that these psychopaths will inflict on this Nation & the bitter, twisted & vindictive, white settler Colonial population of moronic NZers who voted for them? And those suckers who voted for the Right, you dumb bastards have got the scumbag Govt you deserve & do you seriously think this motley bunch of bullshitters like Luxon & Willis are going to improve your lives, not a snowballs chance in hell, all you’ve done by wasting your vote has ensured that for the next 3 fuckin years & possibly beyond, your making the Rich get richer & the Poor get poorer, inequality, poverty, hopelessness, misery & homelessness is about to explode in this Country & so is the suicide rates & immigration out of this Nation? Already friends of mine have given up on NZ, never to return because of how expensive it is to live here with food & housing costs now getting out of control & the petty vindictiveness of its heartless people & with the Election of this right wing Party & their Neoliberal policies that are failing & collapsing around the World, look at the Geopolitical situation at the moment, Western capitalism based on American & Anglosaxon Neoliberalism is in a State of collapse! Despite Labours dismal Election results due to its lack of Political courage & feeklessness, this was not a comprehensive win for National despite what the lousy NZ MSM claim with it’s stupid Bluenami statement’s, when you consider the Right bought & paid for this Election as you said Martyn with various Interest groups donating in the millions to the National Party & Act & yet they barely got over the linr to 61 seats & the specials will further dilute that whisper thin majority with the Left getting peanuts in donations & getting the other seats? I really fear for what lies ahead for us over the next 3 years, I’m getting a End of the World vibe & feeling that this Country is heading for collapse & is well on the way to becoming a failed State with these Right wing fuckers in charge?

    • Heehee, suck it up Antboy…

      Hope Luxon keeps on the 55mil money tap to the media, then we will see how much you lefties moan when the MSM ignore any govt failings as they have been for last 6yrs.
      I disagreed with it, but be nice to see the left screaming now the shoe is on the other foot eh?
      Go LUXON!

      • No you suck it up, because your mate Luxon is going to FUCK YOU UP & idiots like you, in 3 yrs Time you’ll be screaming out for a Lefty Govt when they ruin you & your Family’s life, enjoy your Shit fest Pal?

        • Nope, my job is safe no matter who is in Govt, left or right!
          Sorry to upset you that I will not be ‘screaming’ for the left to save me lol

          I do not rent, mortgage amount is low, I will still be working.

          Seems your projecting your own fears Antboy…not my problem, it’s yours!

        • I gotta fever & the only cure is more ampersand! We should call you Ampersandforce62. But maybe we’ll just stick to BrainwashedDumbo62.

    • Good thinking I am sure ant… But paragraph, paragraph… If your mind runs on so much that you can’t divide your stuff a bit into bite-sized portions perhaps you can just precis.

  12. Ok. Once there is an akshull government in place. Most probably just before Xmas cause the Port Waikato election might fuck things up a bit.

    How long will it be before Willis and Bishop roll Luxo?
    Now or within 6 months?

    • Who rolls a guy who’s just led the party to victory? Yes yes I know he didn’t have to do much – he didn’t have to, because of the laughable government he was up against.

      • I can’t see her as finance minister either. Nicola’s there to reassure well-heeled women that Luxon isn’t gonna go all fundamentalist on them and ban abortion.

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