The Liberal Agenda – Alt-Right review of The Last Jedi

By   /   January 4, 2018  /   2 Comments

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The Left Resistance led by Second Wave Feminist General Leia Organa is under attack from the First Order of Identity Politics whose transitioning Supreme Leader Snoke is determined to crush with his 4th wave feminist cross-fit training vegan stormtroopers.

The Left Resistance led by Second Wave Feminist General Leia Organa is under attack from the First Order of Identity Politics whose transitioning Supreme Leader Snoke is determined to crush with his 4th wave feminist cross-fit training vegan stormtroopers.

Brocialist Poe Dameron is punished for using male initiative to almost destroy his entire strike force  and is demoted by Organa who is saved from death by her inherited Force privilege after First Order  anti-binary gender activists smash their T-Fighter into the bridge of her ship.

Marxist Rey begs Brocialist Luke Skywalker to help the Left Resistance but he snowflakes because his feels have been hurt by claims that all Jedi’s harass. He’s blocked everyone on Twitter and changed his Facebook settings to private.

Kylo, a feminist ally and TERF connects with Rey on an intellectual level and both agree they can work together to overthrow the ideological constraints of the Supreme Leader.

After defeating them/their, Kylo attempts to drag Rey into a patriarchal heteronormative relationship. Rey refuses subservience to such outmoded class structures and demands an interventionist appraisal of the power dynamics.

Kylo responds by trying to chop her up with a lightsaber.

Class warrior Finn and Proletarian Rose Tico join forces to gain access to the First Order’s Deep State by bribing a hacker on the casino planet of the military industrial complex.

This works and allows the Left Resistance to land on a state subsidised base to fight the First Order of Identity Politics. Brocialist Luke Skywalker fights TERF Kylo and like all men uses deception and manipulation to trick Kylo.

The Left Resistance manage to escape and embark upon a re-branding social media marketing class based campaign to win youth recruits away from 4th wave Feminism and identity politics.

Meanwhile key employment roles for white men are outsourced to robots like RD-D2, C3-PO and BB-8.

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2 Comments

  1. Sam Sam says:

    What you don’t see is in the recently released Battle Front 2 game (and this is canon now) General Leia is aware of and Okays the mission to steal the first orders dreadnaught design planes so Po can take it out, eventually in the opening scenes of The Last Jedi. Only to have General Leia in total WTF mode. And all this just to play up the female vs hotshot spin line.

    And then the Rebel Flag ship gets cucked in plot armour. I mean we all saw how easy Kylo waltz through rebel shields.

    This is the problem with having different directors shooting a trilogy separately.

    And WTF!!! Killing off Admiral Akbar?

    The female character development was so weak and they tried playing it up. And destroyed the whole fleet in the process and got 95% casualty rates. Just so they could have some gotcha moment at the end like there’s a different perspective to war we need to explore.

    It would have been a boring movie BUT. Po could have soloed the entire first order fleet in the opening scenes but no… The directors and Hollywood had to take the audience on a slow death march.

    As far as female character development goes they missed a huge opportunity Leia, instead she falls into a coma for most of the movie and the female characters they do bring on are killed off like WTF did I just watch??? And it was like oh look, the female admiral that took over from Leia watches the whole fleet get cucked and then decides once she’s lost her whole fleet to pull and Akbar manoeuvre and slam her ship into the aggressors destroying the whole enemy fleet… Or your u could have just given Po an X-Wing…

    I don’t know. As far as female character development goes male Hollywood execs have a lot to learn. I mean Leia was instrumental in organising the destruction of 2 Death Stars. No one can tell me Leia can’t take out Snokes puny Cruiser??? All I was watching was a movie title. And all those reviews giving The Last Jedi 4-5 rotten tomatoes are a joke. The whole thing was one huge wing up to sell more merchandise and it hasn’t worked.

    #Plotholes #Plotarmoure #Nohope #childhoodruined

  2. Cemetery Jones says:

    Laura Dern’s role as the purple haired chief gender studies professor of the resistance admiralty did give me a good chuckle. And after I watched the film, Sargon of Akkad’s ‘Gender Wars: the Last Snowflake’ video was pretty gangster.

    Despite the criticism, I still somehow enjoyed the spectacle as I sat in the cinema, counting down to Christmas and getting to see that they still have A Wings. And while some actual B Wings would have been cool too, those new bombers actually slightly upped the awesomeness a little.

    So they might have made Luke into a total pussy in some misguided attempt to ensure anxious millenials that an old white guy can’t save the galaxy this time, but they still managed to undermine the script by having the now-diversity obsessed rebellion get its ass kicked sideways to Sunday until an astrally-projected old white guy turns up shows them how its done (perhaps the alt-right has actually used Sith powers on Disney).

    But at least I didn’t encounter Gungans, pod racers, or anything to do with the trade federation. And scenes in which people walk along corridors talking in hushed tones, pausing to talk more in front of a window while glancing anxiously at passers by were refreshingly minimal. In other words, even the SJW Star Wars is better than Lucas’ prequels, though it seems that nobody post-the making of ROTJ can come up with names for major characters which sound like they actually come from the Star Wars universe.

    PS Sam is right, killing Admiral Ackbar was not cool, and even Death Star fuel can’t melt that Resistance Cruiser’s plot armour. On the bright side for the dark side, at least turbolaser crew training has improved since the Battle of Yavin…