TDB NZ Blogger Alignment Awards 2016

“The blogs dont get to vote in the labour party, so we dont pay much consideration to it”
– Andrew Little, 2012

“I am not actively contacting Cameron Slater”
– John Key, 2014

 

2016, what a year. In a year where ‘fake news’ and online propaganda infected itself upon social media, news consumers had no idea what was actually real and what wasn’t.

The mainstream media and news punditry who all sing from the same basic elitist free market premise were found wrong time and time and time again this year. From Brexit to Trump and even the sudden resignation of our own PM, everywhere you looked the elite corporate media got it wrong.

While the mainstream media screamed fake news they also put up ‘news’ stories this year like ‘are you making your bed properly’, ‘how you’re plucking black heads wrong’ and of course the inane All Black having sex in a toilet story.

As argued last year, in a fractured media landscape, NZ on Air needs to start real consideration for serious funding into online media compared to what they sink into TV and Radio. Blowing another million on The Nation on a dying media platform like TV while so many more stories are being broken by independent online blogs seems backwards not forwards.

This year NZ on Air turned down funding Waatea 5th Estate, despite its 7 month pilot season which saw it break more public interest stories than Story and Seven Sharp combined.

As the newspaper empires threaten the Commerce Commission if they don’t get their monopoly, it looks like next years election will be narrated by the same corporate interests who always shape our political narrative.

When you realise that NZME is 86% owned by Banks, you appreciate just how extreme the neoliberal propaganda really is and why we need more blogs.

Without further ado, here are this years TDB Blogger Alignment Awards 2016*, with much referencing to Wiki for the Dungeons & Dragons alignment descriptions.

Lawful Good Blogger 2016: The Non-Plastic Maori 

Lawful Good is known as the “Saintly” or “Crusader” alignment. A Lawful Good blogger typically acts with compassion, and always with honor and a sense of duty.

As part of an explosion of Maori online presence, The Non-Plastic Maori is a must read. Tina’s blog is a mix of environmental, social, cultural and political insights that are head and shoulders above many of her contemporaries. Living by example gives her a mana and authority that marks her out as a true leader. We need more of Tina in 2017 if NZ is to be a better place. Many respects to her work.

 

Neutral Good Blogger 2016: E-Tangata

Neutral Good is known as the “Benefactor” alignment. A Neutral Good blogger is guided by his/her conscience and typically acts altruistically, without regard for or against Lawful precepts such as rules or tradition. A Neutral Good blogger has no problems with co-operating with lawful officials, but does not feel beholden to them.

You simply must read E-Tangata every single Sunday. It has some of the best Maori and Pacific Island bloggers tackling issues from a cultural dimension that simply doesn’t exist in the  mainstream media. The fierce  intelligence on every issue imaginable every weekend just shits on every single weekend newspaper in the country. Don’t buy the bloody Herald on Sunday or the Weekend Herald or whatever that thing Fairfax puts out, read E-Tangata and see what’s really being debated in NZ. Just bloody brilliant.

 

Chaotic Good Blogger 2016: No Right Turn

Chaotic Good is known as the “Beatific,” “Rebel,” or “Cynic” alignment. A Chaotic Good blogger favors change for a greater good, disdains bureaucratic organizations that get in the way of social improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom, not only for oneself, but for others as well.

As easy to get along with as Russel Brown (that’s a joke for those who don’t know Russel Brown) but no where near as self importantly smug as Giovani Tiso, Idiot-Savant, the ever vigilant blogger over at No Right Turn remains one of the best bloggers NZ has. His constant focus on right wing fuckwittery makes his blog one of the few must read daily blogs in NZ.

 

Neutral Blogger 2016: Bryce Edwards (again)

Neutral alignment, also referred to as True Neutral or Neutral Neutral, is called the “Undecided” or “Nature’s” alignment. This blogger represents Neutral on both axes, and tends not to feel strongly towards any alignment. A farmer whose primary overriding concern is to feed his family is of this alignment. Most animals, lacking the capacity for moral judgment, are of this alignment since they are guided by instinct rather than conscious decision. Many roguish characters who play all sides to suit themselves are also of this alignment (such as a weapon merchant with no qualms selling his wares to both sides of a war for a profit). Some Neutral bloggers, rather than feeling undecided, are committed to a balance between the alignments. They may see good, evil, law and chaos as simply prejudices and dangerous extremes.

This is what we wrote last year…

Hated by the Wellington Twitteratti for owning a penis and daring to critique identity politics, Edwards remains the central point of blogging opinion. His column in the NZ Herald is a must read (despite moving away from the blogs and focusing more on the mainstream media) and his ability to pick the zeitgeist from week to week is almost supernatural. How Fairfax have gone this long without generating their own Edwards shows how far off the mark they’ve become.

…pretty much the same as this year.

 

Chaotic Neutral Blogger 2016: TheSpinOff and Transport Blog

Chaotic Neutral is called the “Anarchist” or “Free Spirit” alignment. A blogger of this alignment is an individualist who follows his or her own heart, and generally shirks rules and traditions. Although they promote the ideals of freedom, it is their own freedom that comes first. Good and Evil come second to their need to be free, and the only reliable thing about them is how totally unreliable they are. Chaotic Neutral bloggers are free-spirited and do not enjoy the unnecessary suffering of others, but if they join a team, it is because that team’s goals happen to coincide with their own at the moment. They invariably resent taking orders and can be very selfish in their pursuit of personal goals.

This year, it turned into tie for this category. TheSpinOff revealed its true self interested right wing colours and Transport Blog was outed as taking money from Auckland Transport.

Corporate blue-green lite entertainment blog, The SpinOff has had quite the year. After incredibly destroying Andrew Tidball with all the charm of a modern day witch hunt we all waited to see if Andrew would commit suicide, because then the SpinOff site could be NZs first snuff blog, but amazingly Andrew resisted that end. Then they denigrated Richie Hardcore who amongst most males in NZ is considered one of our best spokespeople again toxic masculinity and then they crucified Mike Lee for fucking Bill Ralston after they took up the selfish millennial  mantra of ‘me too’ when it came to housing in Auckland. Their war on Auckland looked more like the youth wing of the Property Council than a social justice movement wanting to see the homeless get homed.

The true beauty of this blog which is paid to suck up American neoliberal valued television and vomit it out in a way that is acceptable to the local tastes hit its gag reflex when the Editor attempted to justify why one white spoilt woman in Housewives of Auckland  called another a ‘boat nigger’. Watching TheSpinOff try to justify that after all their smug self congratulatory liberal pretensions was the best moment in 2016. They’re like a little of Wellington in Auckland. Ugh.

As for Transport Blog, it turns out the editor who wanted Mike Lee off Auckland Transport’s oversight committee has put himself forward despite receiving $40 000 from Auckland Transport. No wonder Transport Blog always lets Auckland Transport off the hook for their appalling fucking public transport and naked corruption. That makes Transport Blog a promotion website for Auckland Transport rather than a legitimate site standing up for the rights of public transport travelling Auckland’s. They represent the gentrification of Auckland Transport. Ugly stuff.

 

Lawful Evil Vlogger 2016: Mike Hosking (again)

Lawful Evil is referred to as the “Dominator” or “Diabolic” alignment. Bloggers of this alignment see a well-ordered system as being easier to exploit, and show a combination of desirable and undesirable traits; while they usually obey their superiors and keep their word, they care nothing for the rights and freedoms of other individuals and are not averse to twisting the rules to work in their favor. Examples of this alignment include tyrants, devils, undiscriminating mercenary types who have a strict code of conduct, and loyal soldiers who enjoy the act of killing.

Mike, while not a blogger, does do that awful ‘Mike’s minute’ video blogging, as if his special brand of selfish neoliberalism requires another outlet. This year Mike argued against Waitangi day, told the homeless that they lived in a golden age and argued that there wasn’t really a housing crisis. His elitist delusion is lapped up by other elites and is portrayed as the stock standard middle of the road political perspective. Mike Hosking sums up all that is wrong with privilege in NZ. It is my hope that as part of a sweeping new Government in 2017 that TVNZ is forced to sack this arsehole.

 

Neutral Evil Blogger 2016: Matthew Hooton

Neutral Evil is called the “Malefactor” alignment. Bloggers of this alignment are typically selfish and have no qualms about turning on their allies-of-the-moment, and usually make allies primarily to further their own goals. They have no compunctions about harming others to get what they want, but neither will they go out of their way to cause carnage or mayhem when they see no direct benefit to it. They abide by laws for only as long as it is convenient for them. A blogger of this alignment can be more dangerous than either Lawful or Chaotic Evil characters, since she or he is neither bound by any sort of honor or tradition nor disorganized and pointlessly violent.

While not a blogger, Matthew loves to roll in the mud of The Standard’s dreary and tedious comments section as much as he likes to pretend to be a feminist hero. He’s taken to twitter with the same sexual excitement of Donald Trump and is regularly still allowed on Radio NZ despite making numerous defamatory comments about left wing politicians. When he needs to charm a situation he sends in his employee Ben Thomas to do his greasy work. Matthew is more dangerous next year because he has his own puppet, Simon Bridges, in play for leadership once Judith Collins has undermined Bill English. Look for Hooton to be the destabilising factor in the National Party next year. He’s such a right wing arsehole he’s been allowed to replace Leighton Smith on ZB over the Summer. His column this year about what men don’t say in the locker room to contradict Trump’s ‘locker room talk’ was pretty hilarious. Hooton attempted to play up to his role as a feminist hero, which was surprising because I can recall a very long lunch with Hooton and some of his chums where he managed to make Donald Trump look like a feminist…

 

Chaotic Evil Blogger 2016: David Farrar

The Chaotic Evil Blogger is referred to as the “Destroyer” or “Demonic” alignment. Bloggers of this alignment tend to have no respect for rules, other people’s lives, or anything but their own desires, which are typically selfish and cruel. They set a high value on personal freedom, but do not have any regard for the lives or freedom of other people. They do not work well in groups, as they resent being given orders, and usually behave themselves only out of fear of punishment. It is not compulsory for a Chaotic Evil blogger to be constantly writing sadistic blogs just for the sake of being evil, or constantly disobeying orders just for the sake of causing chaos. They do however enjoy the suffering of others, and view honor and self-discipline as weaknesses. Serial killers and monsters of limited intelligence are typically Chaotic Evil.

The thing that makes David Wormtongue Farrar so offensive to all 5 senses is his Giovani Tiso level  glib smugness. The self importance of a man who has made his money from telling John Key how to trick simple people  into supporting policy that don’t help them is something to be ashamed off, it’s nothing to respect or celebrate.

His misplaced triumphalism at every National Party decision and his never ending defence of the ongoing cruelty of the neoliberal welfare state are sickening. He’s the closest thing NZ has to Fox News.

You’ll know how frightened National become in the 2017 election based on how shrill Wormtongue gets.

 

 

*TDB Bloggers weren’t eligible otherwise we would have just given all the good awards to ourselves.