Simon Bridges National Leader: Winners & Losers

Simon Bridges and Paula Bennett are the new Leader and Deputy of the National Party. Who are the Winners and who are the Losers?

 

WINNERS:

Generation X – Finally, Gen X have taken out Boomer politicians and have taken control of the National Party.

Let us sing brothers and sisters…

Oh happy day (oh happy day)
Oh happy day (oh happy day)
When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed)
When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed)
When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed)
He washed my sins away (oh happy day)
Oh happy day (oh happy day)

Matthew Hooton – Simon Bridges is Hooton’s protege, with Bridges in as leader, the Hoots has more power than ever before. Expect a far smarter and quicker attack strategy.

Simon Bridge’s working class accent –  For every cosmopolitan elite dickhead on twitter who mocked Bridge’s working class accent, they don’t seem to understand that such mocking only turns all those working class votes they pretend to care about against the Left.

Ben fucking Thomas – With the rise of Hooton that means his jovial pet will be boosted from the magnificence of SpinOff podcasts to the set of Newshub’s Nation more often. Expect to hear lots more of Ben being jovial about Simon Bridge’s contempt for gay people and late 20th Century human rights advances.

Union bashing – With Hooton’s advance, expect the war on the Unions to heat up. He is a far smarter tactician and better practitioner of the dark arts than Bill English could muster up.

Auckland – Paula and Simon have strong ties with Auckland, National’s advance into Labour territory will continue and National will stop sounding so tone deaf to urban concerns.

 

LOSERS:

Judith Collins – That shrill, bone chilling, soul gnawing, fingernails on a blackboard sound you hear is Judith Collins sharpening her knives. Her team of political sadists destabilised Bill English and all they got was this T-Shirt. They want blood.

Cameron Slater & Simon Lusk – The tag team of hate are reportedly incandescent with rage at the way Judith has been cheated, they are immediately planning a hit on Paula Bennett.

Paula Bennett – She will become the immediate target of these two above, expect her to be crucified on Whaleoil so she has no choice but to step down to be magically replaced by Judith.

Greens – The immediate play towards the Greens was smacked down, but the danger is Bridges will continue to play this game and strip Green votes. With them currently scrapping the 5% threshold, National know they just have to take a percentage off them and the Greens could collapse as a political party in 2020.

Steven Joyce – Hooton despises Joyce because he has stopped him making money for 9 years. Mr Joyce is about to be dropped from a great height. Hell hath no fury like a right wing consultant scorned.

 

CONCLUSION:

Judith, Paula and Amy – Simon will be Bridges over troubled daughters.

The Left on social media are already writing Bridges off. That is foolish. Hooton is smarter than the tacticians we’ve faced before, sure the attack blogs will kill Paula and place in Judith, but National under Simon still has the chance of toppling Labour with better tactics.

Bridges is a social conservative with repugnant views to anyone with a basic education, but he appeals to 40% of the country and if Bridges can turn policy into a culture war all Hooton has to do is hit Left wing groups that voters associate with the Left to amplify that culture war.

The next election will be fought on trumped up values, not policy.