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  1. Taliban get border exemption and a 2.7 million donation from NZ proceeds of crime fund, to discuss opium rehabilitation and addiction partnerships with Central Asia. The Taliban spokesperson was last seen speeding away in a green vehicle at a NZ children’s fun park. Police were told not to apprehend him for health and safety reasons.

  2. Chaos ensued at the bumper boats and police confirm they have finally found the magic shrooms growing along the log flume river and “disposed” of them accordingly