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  2. Goldmember: “With a bit of luck no-one will even notice when we swap Toddy out for Luxon after the election.”

  3. I will be quick, because senior shadow finance minister PG here is in a hurry to get back to his knitting.

  4. “We will link compulsory knitting lessons to income support, so that the poor can knit their own clothes.”

    “We will ease border control to get more crap from China, and until then the poor can knit their own clothes.”

    “We will solve all mental health problems by keeping the poor occupied in knitting their own clothes.”

    “We will not accept knitting as an an excuse for failing to keep WINZ appointments, work assessments, or compulsory seminars which they didn’t know about because MSD staff were knitting or unravelling.”

    “We will stop winter electricity subsidies to all those cold through failing to knit their own clothes.”

    “For those unable to knit through lack of workable fingers, Paul will provide lessons in making rag rugs using toes, noses, elbows, or heels. Paul will also back track if he is at all unfeasible, puerile, or peculiar.”

  5. We band of brothers know how to knit ties with diagonal stripes and Paul can also boil eggs without dropping a stitch and the country calls upon him to do so now. Cheers Paulie.

    1. (P.G.) “I’m not a Maori, but even I know that’s not the hand movements for karmartay, karmartay”

  8. “We’re looking forward to the third volume of Paul’s, “Short History of Knitting”, in which Paulie expands upon knitting needles as phallic symbols for sparsely-endowed men and the odd vicious grandmother.”

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