Please Jesus, put these things behind the NZ Herald Paywall

It’s been announced, the Paywall at the NZ Herald is coming. The very first NZ Herald editorial called on NZers to fight Maori & it has attacked trade unions & the left ever since – previously it was an organ to promote the interests of the wealthy so going behind a paywall removes their influence and for those screaming ‘but journalism’, it’s a tad late to care now.

I’m not sure what journalism is being celebrated here.

The ‘I was comfortable with an uncomfortable sex scene in Game of Thrones’ Journalism?

Or the Nike ad that has a hairy armpit Journalism?

Or the ‘real boobs’ image Journalism?

Or the Five networking tips for introverts Journalism?

I think I can cope with all of that being behind the paywall.

Here are some ideas on what I won’t mind missing.

 

Behind the Wall

• Mike Hosking, Kate Hawkesby, Heather du Plessis-Allan and Barry Soper. The real housewives & husbands of Parnell ZB Troll farm that the Herald has become (thanks to their content sharing arrangement with ZB) means that week after week the Government is showered with biased hot takes that makes Tova O’Brien look like a seasoned and wise Jedi master of current affairs. Please put these yapping lapdogs of the establishment behind your paywall, hell I’d pay to have them behind a paywall – is that possible?
• Lizzie Marvelly’s 10 millionth column on how shit men are was celebrated last year and while we all need to know how shit men are, and yes we are shit, God we are shit, we really need to be killed because we are shit – I just feel like I’ve gotten the gist of whatever she’s written without reading it now. Like, I kinda felt I hit that stage at the 5 millionth mark, but that’s just the heteronormative patriarchy in me speaking. Lizzie is an important voice saying the same thing forever and her amazing content should be behind a paywall. As men, we should be forced to pay to hear how shit we are, you know, as part of our ongoing obligations to narrow the gender pay gap.
• Fran O’Sullivan – seeing as Fran is a good friend of China, shouldn’t she be behind a paywall? Like in a panda enclosure?
• Any news story whose sources are people on twitter.
• Any news story about a fight on twitter.
• Any news story about someone taking offence on twitter.
• Any news story about twitter.
• Any news story using Facebook as a source.
• All of the ‘Lifestyle’ section.
• Mummy bloggers. Please sweet baby Jesus, bloody mummy bloggers.
• Anything reprinted from the Spinoff
• Property speculation content masquerading as a service.
• Anything that is a ‘joint content project’ between Big Dairy and Big Oil.
• Anything written by Duncan Garner.
• Climate denial editorials.
• John Roughan, we’ve heard quite enough from John Key’s biographer thanks. You couldn’t pay me to read his stuff.

 

Not behind the Wall

• Bryce Edwards – he brings in opinions from around the NZ media landscape that no one else does, he’s an actual resource for trying to understand what the hell is going on.
• Rachel Stewart – best columnist in the country, come on, she’s the reason most of us read the Herald.
• David Fisher – best journalist in the country.
• Matt Nippert – second best journalist in the country.
• Kirsty Johnson – most important journalist in the country.
• Liam Dann – we all want to watch him cry when the stock market finally collapses and his hopes and aspirations for free market capitalism implode.

Jokes aside, it’s telling that the NZ Herald would risk losing its political and cultural influence just to make a buck.

The original catalyst for the newspapers in NZ were rural barons who wanted to influence the political agenda of this fledgling nation. The NZ Herald’s power was agenda setting and influencing the political debate by staking out what was accepted opinion and what wasn’t even allowed to be debated.

You can not to this day get a serious critical evaluation of the 30 year neoliberal experiment in NZ anywhere in the pages of the NZ Herald because that is stated dogma that can not and will never be challenged.

That the Herald are willingly handing over their power to influence to just keep the lights going is a reminder of just how deeply Facebook has gutted their business model and another reason why any direct tax on Facebook and Google needs to be seen as a Public Broadcasting and Public Journalism fund.