Movie Review: Rogue One – It’s actually a Documentary about Bernie Sanders
Some people might think that Rogue One is the 8th instalment of the Star Wars franchise.
They’re wrong, it’s actually a futuristic documentary about Bernie Sanders.
Thanks to Game of Thrones, Western pop cultural narratives can now be expanded to appreciate the complexity of competing political agendas. Rogue One is one such new narrative.
This futuristic documentary opens with Darth Trump and the Republican Stormtroopers attacking the DNC Rebel Alliance led by the hopelessly incompetent Senator Hillary Clinton. The Amerikan Empire is weaponising Fox News to build it into a Death Star that can destroy fact based science anywhere in the Galaxy. The lack lustre performance, stupidity, neoliberal war hawk candidate and spinelessness of the DNC Rebel Alliance makes defeating Darth Trump extremely difficult.
Senator Hillary Clinton – hopeless Leader of the DNC Rebel Alliance
You get the real sense from the Documentary that if the DNC Rebel Alliance hadn’t been such fuckwits in the Primary elections, there wouldn’t even be a Darth Trump to fight against.
We meet our lead character as a child. Jyn Erso is a white middle class girl living with her academic father on their farming lifestyle block when the Amerikan Empire turns up to ask him to turn Fox News into a more vicious version of Breitbart media. Jyn Erso’s father reluctantly agrees but has his daughter secretly taken away by Bernie Sanders supporters to protect her from ‘Make the Empire Great Again’ fascism.
The DNC Rebel Alliance reaches out to Jyn in an attempt to win her over, but their love of free trade globalisation and rejection of Jedi Marxism leaves them too gutless to mount a real challenge to Darth Trump. It is up to the Bernie Sanders activists and Jyn herself to combat Darth Trump directly and steal the Fox News Death Star plans.
Screaming ‘feel the burn’, the activists launch an attack on one of Darth Trump’s many luxury beach golf courses and occupy his resort.
Republican Stormtroopers protecting Darth Trump’s luxury beach front golf course.
Once the Bernie Sanders activists and Marxist Jedi are all killed off fighting to take down the Republican Stormtroopers, Senator Hillary Clinton of course steps in to steal all the glory.
Rogue One is a great documentary reminding us that middle of the road progressives who still cling to neoliberal doctrine that leaves vast chunks of the working poor behind while elites flourish are the first enemy and it’s not until they are shamed into action by Bernie Sanders direct action activists that any chance of destroying Darth Trump and the Fox News Death Star can occur.
4 Stars – best documentary of 2016
Heh heh heh… love it!
By the way, you left out one, ‘Bomber’… the Conspiracy Theorist.
That’s the anti-Imperial faction that sees the Death Star as a covert ploy by the Rebel Alliance to make the rebellion look good, and Palpatine’s government, the ‘baddies’.
But what we really, really, really know *wink* is that it was Alderaan attempting to gain influence at the Senate that prompted Palpatine to defend his government, with the courageous forces of the Imperial Army. When that happened, the “Rebels” used the fake Death Star to destroy Alderaan, and blame Palpatine, and smear his reputation, thereby garnering support for the so-called “Rebel Alliance”.
Yes, this is how convoluted it all gets. My head is swimming.