GUEST BLOG: Nick Rockel – Arrange and Rearrange

Christopher’s Ratings Resurrection Reshuffle: Rewarding the inner circle and throwing the dregs overboard.

Yesterday, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced his plan for 2025 – which he summarised in a long tweet that began:

“2025 is all about a doubled-down focus on economic growth and – as part of that fresh focus – today I’ve announced a refreshed team to drive our economic growth plan.”

On the one hand, economic growth seems like an excellent focus, but I’m a bit confused about the difference between fresh and refreshed.

Are we getting someone new with double the focus, as if they’re squinting hard into the distance, or is this a refresh, which sounds more like reheating leftovers than a new recipe?

One thing immediately apparent was that if anyone had told Luxon to ease back on the meaningless gobbledyspeak over the summer, he clearly hadn’t listened.

The double-good refresh, our economic messiah, was none other than Nicola Willis. She is now being given even more power, presumably as a reward for her stellar work on the budget and the ferries. Ah, how’s the meritocracy?

Perhaps I’m not very good at thinking outside the box. Personally, I wouldn’t have picked the person who steered us into an austerity-driven downturn and increased economic uncertainty, resulting in large-scale job losses and business closures, as the obvious choice to drive an economic growth plan. However, it is reassuring to hear that they have one. Maybe they could show it to us.

The PM’s tweet continued:

“Health is also a priority. Off the back of Simeon Brown’s performance in transport and local government, I’ve decided his skills are best placed to take leadership of our health system so you and your family are waiting less in the emergency department for a GP appointment or for surgery.”

So, Reti’s reward for fronting so much BS is getting canned. And Simeon Brown is the person who can fix healthcare. Yeah Right!

Christopher Luxon had brainstormed over the summer, seeking a sacrifice to maintain the illusion of progress, and decided that the Māori guy was the one to go.

On Saturday, he called the incumbent, Dr. Reti, to inform him of his impending demotion. Then, yesterday, he told the nation that a change to Simeon Brown would result in lower waiting times in A&E, to see a doctor, or to receive surgery. There was no information on how this would be accomplished; presumably, with Simeon’s magnetic personality on board, things will just magically get better.

I imagine Minister Brown will demand more from existing staffing, set up monitoring systems and metrics, and create an overhead of reporting that will result in no improvements and worsen morale in the health workforce. Still, if it all goes pear-shaped, at least they have “Plan B”—flog it off to private enterprise.

A great short-term way of funding improvements. Selling out generations of Kiwis who will be obliged to provide the sector with profits.

As awful as Reti might have been, it’s a grim thought that Simeon Brown, whose career before politics was in banking, is seen as a better option to run Health than a Doctor.

Luxon said that Reti retained his confidence, which is an odd thing to say about someone you’ve just sacked and demoted from fourth to ninth in the cabinet rankings. It makes you wonder what he’d do to someone he’d actually lost confidence in.

Beneath a post I made on this, Doris commented: “I just thought, well, that’s the first trophy Maori gone. Made it look good for a year, I guess. Next.” Along similar lines, Stephsaid, “Disgusting. Openly racist. Used Reti as cover for cancelling the Māori health authority. Now chucked aside. Rearranging chairs on the Titanic.”

Julian noted that we were getting “Out of the frying pan into the fire”, while Jack was worried whether Simeon’s appointment might be premature, saying, “I’d wait til he could tie his own shoelaces myself ….”

Michelle was concerned about Luxon’s choice of words when he described what Simeon would do in the health sector as – “ruthlessly execute”.

Lorraine hit the nail on the head, saying, “The problem with Reti is that he is a rotten liar. Anytime he has to tell porkies, he feels bad inside, and it shows. Lying is essential for success in this government, especially in the health portfolio. Simeon Brown will deliver National and Act’s desired outcomes more successfully.”

The first thing I wondered when I heard the news was whether Reti had jumped or been pushed.

You could understand if he’d had a guts full of fronting things that made him look physically ill while doing so. Maybe he didn’t have the stomach for another couple of years of that and then having to defend their track record in the run-up to an election.

Or maybe he finally reached his limit. Given some of the things Luxon and Levy probably have in mind for the Health sector, he finally said enough is enough and took a stand, refusing to oversee whatever profit extraction plans they have.

I suspect I’m giving the good doctor far too much credit. In any case, the front bench is pretty white without Reti; his demotion means there are no Māori ministers inside Luxon’s top eight. Not that that will bother National, as they’re all about meritocracy.

Meritocracy: A system whereby any attempts at diversity are greeted with outrage, and the white guy gets the job.

All of which means that we get utterly baffling promotions, like this one…

Ladies and Gentlemen, raise your glasses. Today, Andrew Bayly was promoted in Luxon’s reshuffle. Think about that.

How is that meritocracy? More importantly, what sort of message is the government sending about bullying and workplace drunkenness by promoting a man who was in the headlines for all the wrong reasons in 2024?

Bayly is taking over ACC, I guess with the belief that much like setting a thief to catch a thief, the best person to help avoid workplace accidents is someone who is basically one waiting to happen.

Maurice came over all musical, commenting on the promotion of the Minister for telling workers they’re losers while sailing three sheets to the wind:

“It’s time to play the music
It’s time to light the lights
It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight

It’s time to put on makeup
It’s time to dress up right
It’s time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.”

Baron said, “It’s called failing upwards. It’s what happens when incompetent people want to surround themselves with people even more incompetent than them to distract from how truly incompetent they are. Happens all the time in business.”

Perhaps we’ve finally found something that Luxon is good at.

After hearing the news, I looked up young Simeon’s background to see what hidden talents might have made him such an obvious choice for Luxon in this toughest of roles. I wasn’t overly excited by what I found…

Are you concerned that our new Minister of Health was the president of the anti-abortion group ProLife Auckland at university?

Yeah, so it turns out that Simeon Brown was the president of Auckland University’s anti-abortion group. On top of that, we know that he has repeatedly opposed women having the right to choose, including voting against all three stages of the Abortion Legislation Bill, which sought to bring our law books up to date.

National obviously didn’t consider this a problem, but I imagine it won’t sit entirely comfortably with others.

Tee said, “A particularly dangerous, right-wing position, and he’s wet behind the ears on all the issues out there in the REAL World.”

Alba added, “Shattering – I am truly worried about the future under this government. I don’t need this man to tell me how to manage my own body.”

My nearly-neighbour Penny said, “I am shaking my head and getting ready for activism.”

Jan summed up the situation with her comment:

“I’m concerned that the new health minister doesn’t have a clue….he is NOT the right person for the job any more than Reti was. The ‘reckless execution’ will be to cut or privatise…. bowel screening, mammogram screening, cancer drugs, cervical screening, etc., etc., etc….and a new portfolio for Willis as she tightens the purse strings even further.

These new appointments are getting more frightening by the minute, especially for our growing population who can’t access the health system and drugs they need. Don’t book a pandemic any time soon, will you? I am truly wondering what planet Luxon is on…..planet Atlas?”

To be fair to Luxon, the ministers who are probably keeping him awake at night are the ones he can’t touch…

“No changes to ACT and NZ First ministerial roles” – so keep up the good work, Casey Costello.

Incredibly, after a year in which she made the Prime Minister look like a fool, forcing him to back her claims of evidence that turned out to be Tobacco industry hokum, and assisted that same industry in making more money from New Zealanders, Associate Minister of Health Casey Costello has remarkably kept her job.

Let’s be honest: for NZ First ministers like Costello or Shane Jones, no amount of making everyday Kiwis go WTAF will ever result in them being held accountable for their performance or what look suspiciously like acts of corruption.

Christopher is over a barrel. As Les said, “Luxon wouldn’t dare; he’s only Prime Minister in name. Winston and Seymour have all the power.”

Flotsam and Jettisoned

Some further miscellaneous changes…

Chris Bishop – Minister of Transport

With Simeon taking on health, Chris Bishop gets Transport, which is no real change. Like Simeon, Bishop has never met a cycleway or public transport option he liked. The two men even look the same if you add about 30 years of booze, ciggies, and fast food to the Sunday School lad.

Melissa Lee – Minister of Nothing

Melissa Lee was chucked out of the cabinet, so I guess they can make some claims of acting on merit. It is hard to imagine a less effective performance than Lee’s time overseeing the culling of the media industry she was supposed to assist.

It has been a while now, and I should probably let Melissa’s bullying of Clare Curran go. National certainly did, and such behaviour obviously wasn’t a factor here. To be honest, it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing they’d discourage.

It is fair to say that I was not displeased by the demotion of Melissa Lee.

Mark Mitchell – Minister of Ethnic Affairs

Mark Mitchell, perhaps the whitest white man in the history of white men, picks up ethnic affairs. I guess when you’re demoting all the non-pakeha in the cabinet, it’s hard to do anything else.

Plus, I’m sure Mitchell learned about dealing with different communities during his time overseas. I’m just not sure that the interactions of a mercenary make for relevant experience for this role. Not unless he’s planning to change things up a bit.

 

 

 

 

 

“Nick Rockel is a left wing writer who spent far too long working in IT and now writes “Nick’s Kōrero”. An almost daily substack of political satire, news, and views, from Aotearoa New Zealand. He lives in West Auckland, and has 5 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 wife. He Substacks here.