Bryan Bruce: Weekend Satire
Getting the Job Done
Traveler: Hail Luxonius Flakeius!
Luxonius : Hail traveler! What brings you to these parts?
Traveler: I come from the provinces seeking news of our government. How goes our democracy?
Luxonius: It’s going incredibly well! Really great! We’re absolutely focused on getting the job done!
Traveler:Ok… It’s just that we’re curious as to why we haven’t heard any news from the Senate lately.
Luxonius: Ah! That’s because we got rid of the scribes.
Traveler: Why was that?
Luxonius : They kept asking too many awkward questions.Stopped us getting the job done.
Traveler: What exactly is the job you are getting done?
Luxonius: Taking our country back.
Traveler: Not forward?
Luxonius: Why would you do that? No,no,no… If you go forward you don’t know where you’re going. Much better to go backwards because you know where you’ve been. That’s how you get the job done!
Traveler: So …how far back are you going? To the time when Rome burned?
Luxonius: No,no,no.. just to the rebuild when we made a lot of money out of property and construction.
Traveler: Who’s “we”
Luxonius : (Getting a bit irritated) The rich!. Surely you must know that whenever we talk about “we” we always mean the rich.
Traveler: I see… and the Senators are working hard are they?
Luxonius: Yes. Working incredibly hard and incredibly quickly to get the job done..but not the List Senators of course
Traveler: Why’s that?
Luxonius: Well we’re not holding any meetings to discuss legislation which is their only reason for being. So we pay them to stay home.
Traveler: And why’s that?
Luxonius: Well, meetings get in the way of getting the job done.
Traveler: So you don’t consult with the people’s representatives at all?
Luxonius: Why would I do that? The people know my policies? I’m focused on getting the job done.
Traveler: Sounds like your replacing democracy with tyranny.
Luxonius : (Looks menacingly at the traveler )
Traveler: And another thing – why are you naked?
Luxonius:( Angrily calls for his lieutenants) Davidius ! Winstonius!
(Davidius and Wistonius enter) Yes leader! (they chorus )
Luxonius : Take this nuisance to the Colosseum. Put him in the Media Cage and mark him up as Lion fodder !
(They seize The Traveler and take him away.)
Luxonius (left alone and muttering to himself) …Idiot! Fancy thinking I’m not wearing any clothes….(pauses …then shouts) Nicola! Turn up the central heating! It’s getting chilly in here!
Bryan Bruce is one of New Zealand’s most important and respected documentary makers.
Lets have more of this.
Brilliant!
Next episode sees Luxonius’ 33 million repair job on the palace? Debauched pyjama parties, and dishing out the people’s taxes to his mates Englicus, Joycitus, Sowrius, Pontibus and McCullius.
This could pass as non-fiction, especially with the news that Joyce the $11 billion hole man is now to get $4000/day & a bit less for other washed-up MPs from National so they can say what a great job the current lot of National MPs are doing. There is more intellectual ability at the circus than in this government.
Joyce getting 4k a day is ludicrous.Look at the deal he cut with Thiel…..Thiel pocketed millions and the taxpayer got their money back.
And he recently pocketed $966,000 from Waikato Uni(keep it under a mil)as a ‘consultants’ fee.
Will not discuss it with media.Good work for a Zoologist ,if you can get…it.
Agree. Let us have this satire dropped in on a regular basis – weekly? So just when we are feeling our way weakly, we would have it to look forward to. Cheers to you Bryan.
Luxonius, Davidius, and Winstonius all contend for the name Bigus Dickus