Final Leaders Debate: Chippy beats Luxon again

ByMartyn Bradbury

Jessica is hosting again.

I thought it was Jack Tame.

Sad emoji face.

 

ROUND 1:

33% trust Luxon.

43% trust Chippy.

Luxon mumbles something something.

Chippy argues he will tell the hard truths.

Luxon argues that Chippy has been running a negative campaign when research shows Luxon running 90% negative advertising!

Chippy points out he doesn’t trust Luxon because his tax cuts are a scam.

Luxon singing his usual ‘productivity nonsense’ without appreciating Government departments aren’t supposed to make money!

Chippy claims that Greens and Māori Party won’t get their wealth tax, which seals his fate.

If Māori Party + Greens + Labour are 51%, and Chippy refuses wealth tax, then Chippy will be rolled as leader.

Take that prediction to the bank.

The madness of Luxon + NZF + ACT gets a laugh.

Jessica asks why Chris has been so mean – Chippy points out that ACT + National + NZF deserve a robust response.

Jessica is very dull as a host.

Feels like a kids party at the step mums house.

No running in the house.

Luxon defensive, not so sunny. Chippy there to fight.

 

ROUND 2:

Nonsense from both of them on the economy.

Productivity has dropped, every Government wails about it, nothing will happen.

Chippy claims R+D will get us through, Jessica points out our R+D spend is pathetic.

Grow, grow, grow.

No one wants to know we can’t grow anymore.

Grow, grow, grow.

Blah, blah, blah.

Red tape – DRINK!

Backing Kiwi Business – DRINK!

Luxon bitching about the lack of a free trade deal with India.

India doesn’t want a free trade deal with NZ, this doesn’t seem to slow down Luxon who will apparently force India into a free trade deal.

Luxon says he wants to cut red tape while demanding a new Space Minister.

Chippy points out slashing thousands of jobs before Christmas will take the economy backwards.

They agree Groundhound racing needs to be shut down.

That was nice.

Chippy rounding on everything Luxon puts up while re-iterating what Labour will do.

 

ROUND 3:

Poverty and beneficiaries.

Labour wants to increase benefits by linking them to wage increases.

National wants to punish beneficiaries by reducing benefits and punish them more.

Luxon stares at the beneficiary and tells her she will get less, and that is better for her.

There is no question that National won’t punish and burn the poor to feed tax cuts for the rich.

Massive applause at how awful National are.

Chippy gets rightfully bashed for not doing enough, but points out cutting benefits will hurt more.

Luxon uses a Taylor Swift comparison to try and shame Chippy but only gets a groan from the dad joke.

Chippy bashes him for taking from the poor to give to the rich again.

It’s glorious.

Luxon keeps saying ‘calm down’. It’s condescending when his tax plan is a falsehood.

He keeps lying that he won’t cut back benefits.

National will cut $2billion from welfare and give it to the landlords!

Luxon makes bizarre claim he only spends $60 per week on groceries, so this was half his grocery budget last week…

I’m told you heathen bottom feeders eat this shit so I’m having a photo taken to show you I am common like you bottom feeders. Vote for me bottom feeders.

…I don’t believe a word Luxon speaks.

Chippy was righteously angry, Luxon super defensive.

 

ROUND 4: 

Raw sewage is pouring into Auckland’s beaches, no one has any plan because thanks to National, 3 Waters has been demonised and there is no political will to fix it now.

Thanks to racist rhetoric, we can’t progress anything.

We use mass immigration to inflate growth numbers without paying for the infrastructure.

Labour and National don’t want to pay for their mass immigration policies.

Wayne Brown has pointed out National’s water plans will see costs blow out.

Lot’s of argument. No real solutions.

 

ROUND 5:

Luxon hilariously argues National hasn’t been divisive.

HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Luxon says he has no regrets at all in the election, despite their screw up with NZ First and all the tax lies.

So many tax lies.

Chippy reminds all the lies National are pinning their flawed policies on. Does a great final word.

Luxon sells cheap change and is nothing more than ZB talking points glued together with false confidence.

 

DECISION:

It went to Chippy, the last minute surge to Labour will build.

I like that they have included a ‘pub politics’ angle like The Working Group did.

 

 

 

 

 

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35 Comments

  1. Favourite idiocy of the night: Luxon saying that if his is PM he will want to be “circulating globally”.
    Who uses language like this except as parody? The suggestion in our house for Luxon to achieve this goal was rectal helium plus a big cork.

  2. And why is David Cunliffe bagging Chris Hipkin’s on the after show panel? Does he want Labour to lose?

  3. Ol’ 7 Houses Luxon does it again. Layering deceit on misinformation on half-truths on lies, yet still not conn… I mean convincing enough of the public of New Zealand. All that intense mentoring and still floundering about.
    Sir Creepy must be deeply disappointed in his protégé
    Speaking of fish.
    What is JK’s favorite seafood dish?
    Groper

  4. Chippys biggest failure was not articulating the big difference between Labours and Nationals policy’s on benefit increases.
    Here’s for you chippy.

    “National is again practicing a sleight of hand by going back to linking benefits to inflation instead of wages increases. Beneficiary’s will lose 2 billion dollars over the next 4 years, landlords will gain 2 billion dollars over the next 4 years. Be honest with the NZ public Luxon”

    You can thank me later Labour.

  5. Does anyone care about these tiresome debates where Richie Cunningham loses Howdo Dodee?

    1. “If Māori Party + Greens + Labour are 51%, and Chippy refuses wealth tax, then Chippy will be rolled as leader.” (Please let it be Chloe)

      1. Yes that was another demolition job by Chippy on Luxon…
        Only the deluded could possibly see that any other way…

        Luxon looked like an amateur boxer up agsinst a pro….

        There he was jabbing away there with his rehearsed ineffectual moves…

        His faux confidence was building so he thought he would go for an all out attack, blinding swinging haymakers at will…

        He’s now moved well outside his skill level, (telling Hipkins how poorly he’s managed his Party, with a number having to step down blah blah)….stupid accusations..
        Chippy even warned him first about throwing stones in glass houses…

        But the amateur blundered on…
        The helicopter haymakers continued …. nek minute…
        Luxon’s down for the count…

        Knocked out by one well placed
        uppercut from Chippy…
        Stopped Luxon in his tracks.

        It was all over after that…

        Next challenger please!

    5. Yep, you’ve got a point VB. Itiswhatitis. A tired format for free to air TV. Not as good as a good foreign movie but a helluva more entertaining than the many mindless reality shows.

  6. Oh god, seriously, Paula Benefit an expert ? What at, soliciting? Solicited millions from the uber rich for donations and is put on the panel as a neutral. Christ she might as well have been sleeping with Luxon. Christ David Cunliffe had maturity Bennett would wish she’d have in her 80’s. At least Mika saw through Paula. Luxon smashes Hipkins on Ruth Richardson then brings out Taylor Swift, fuck is Luxon truly retarded? Vote National to take us back 40 years, not,” get our country back on track to the wealthy” He was embarrasing.

  7. LUXON: This is Captain Luxon from bald eagle airlines, the coalition of harmony, dreams, and bliss. We are the airline of choice for the business classes. While economy bottomfeeders, are consigned to sitting on the wing. I’m now requesting permission, for our flight to take off as scheduled.
    CONTROLLER: Standby, we’ve just received an advisory from aviation commentator Mr Tame, saying that you would need many times the amount of fuel you’re carrying, to safely take off.
    LUXON: We can access all the fuel we need, according to our secret calculations.
    CONTROLLER: Flight engineer Mr Parker has determined that the engines on your plane are not even compatible, and will never provide the required thrust.
    LUXON: Parker’s a dunce
    CONTROLLER: Airline expert Mr Olson, is looking worried, and is scratching his head.
    LUXON: He probably has nits.
    CONTROLLER: Leading airline analysts are adamant that you don’t have sufficient fuel, and are demanding to see your calculations, before we can clear you for takeoff.
    LUXON: Sorry, but I have my own onboard analyst, tea lady Nicola, who’s giving me the thumbs up.
    CONTROLLER: Retired pilot, Mr Key, says that he would never risk such a perilous take off.
    LUXON: I’m not listening to that grumpy old has been.
    CONTROLLER: Meteorological advisers Goldman Sacks, say that trying to take off in these conditions will cause even greater headwinds.
    LUXON: I know far more than Goldman Sacks. They’re not flying this plane.
    CONTROLLER: But you’ve never flown this particular plane before either.
    LUXON: I know what I’m doing. I’ve been planning this flight for years, and it’s going to happen, whether our calculations add up or not. I’m granting my own take-off permission. I’ve got too much riding on this, and it’s too late to turn back.
    CONTROLLER: It’s not just about you, but you should also think of your passengers. The experts are all saying this takeoff is risky. It could end in disaster.
    LUXON: Bar humbug.
    CONTROLLER: Warning, be advised that notorious hijacker “Winston the Jackal”, may have slipped aboard your flight, disguised as an unruly passenger. You must restrain him, at all costs.
    LUXON: Rest assured, tea lady Nicola has just been chatting to “Winston the Jackal”, and she says he’s completely calm and cooperative, and will absolutely behave himself this time, unlike on previously occasions.
    CONTROLLER: Our instruments show that your engine power has started faltering. There are warning indicators across the board. And your headwinds are getting worse.
    LUXON: The engines look good enough to me, with minimal damage. I’m now commencing my take off roll. Flaps down. Speed brakes off. Going to maximum.
    CONTROLLER: I’ve put emergency ground services on amber alert as a precaution.
    Why am I hearing Winston in the background, shouting that he has a grenade.
    LUXON: No, everything’s under total control. Like a walk in the park. I could have done this blindfolded. We’re completely relaxed up here and..god..dammit..christ..arghhhhhhh!
    CONTROLLER: What’s happening? Come in? Come in?
    LUXON: Mayday, Mayday, we have an emergency..where’s my ejector button? This cockpit has become a coalition of chaos, much faster than I realised. I have no choice but to bail out, or make a crash landing. I’m not gaining any altitude…my engines are failing…and we’re going down…I repeat, we’ve lost control. Headwinds and turbulence are extreme. We’re in danger of breaking up. We’ve begun tailspinning and nosediving toward the harbour. How could I have not foreseen this.
    Tea lady Nicola’s advice about “Winston the Jackal” behaving himself, was way off the mark.
    Hijacker Winston has broken into the cockpit, and tried to get at the controls, pushing all the buttons randomly, and applying the airbrakes, and dumping fuel. Then he sprayed me with pepper spray, and put me in a headlock. He’s supposed to be a frail geriatric, but he’s got the strength of a gorilla. I’m being strangled here.
    Co-pilot Seymour was so upset, that he started having a panic attack and bashing his head against the control panel, shouting “Winston the Jackal” is disguised as a passenger, disguised as a hijacker, disguised as a pilot, disguised as an arsonist, disguised as a fireman, and is impossible to deal with. He’s a mad dog, that’s gotten off the leash, and sinking his teeth into anyone that comes near him.
    I managed to activate the fog cannon with my foot, while trying to steer the planes rudder, and distracting Winston by poking him in the eye, but that just made him angrier.
    Then tea lady Nicola came to our rescue, to help restrain Winston, but she accidentally spilt a jug of boiling coffee into my lap. It’s excruciatingly painful. You should see what the front of my pants look like!
    CONTROLLER: You should see the back of mine.

    1. You put a lot of effort into that comment & I suspect that it is a fair description of tumultuous times ahead.

  8. Zip it sweetie pulla has forgotten how rotten she was especially to beneficiaries she even went as far as breaching their privacy.

  9. I didn’t see it, as I was out delivering flyers for my own campaign [votemacgardmer.net] But my son watched for a bit, and turned off, as it was, he said, just so hopeless the two of them spouting and shouting over each other. If his reaction was typical, then this will just have been a noisefest for political junkies to pull apart, while for everyone else it was a pointless exercise, and they’ll vote as they were always going to.

  12. The bed leg basher comment fro Chippy was the winner…………….PYB’s hair was on heavy meth..

    1. Yes. For Paula to say the bed leg comments was low was the highlight for me. After all she had no respect for any one

    2. Yes, the old Taupo slapper’s ‘do was something to see.

      Chippie’s “bed leg basher” rejoinder was spot on, and the “bottom feeder” one too.

      1. Haha Tiger, yes the slappers hairdo was like letting a 2 year old loose with some electric clippers!

  13. Luxon to give $2billion to landlords.

    For $3 billion every last one of the 3 million taxpayers could have a grand in their pocket if the first $10,000 was tax free.

    Luxon In It For Landlords.

  15. The comment from David Cunliffe in the wash up is spot on: an unprecedented number giving their party vote to other than the two major players. Not unsurprising given both Hipkins and Luxton are at pains to reiterate the party vote REALLY counts. It’ll be what decides the outcome, less so the electoral vote. While MMP has thrown a few curve balls this time it offers a challenge we havent seen in NZ.

  19. If Luxon becomes PM, I reckon he’ll only last 18 months as PM. Given how flakey he is when asked hard questions, he’ll start looking like a liability when journalists start asking for more in depth answers on a daily basis.

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