This week on The War on News, Martyn Bradbury serves up the full roast: from the Prime Minister’s tragic music taste to the right-wing’s war on summer, to housing policy made in mummy’s lounge.
🎧 PM’s Spotify Age: 27 and Basic AF Chris Luxon revealed this week that he has a Spotify listening age of 27. Top artists? Post Malone, Ed Sheeran, Chris Stapleton, Oasis, and Zach Bryan. It’s giving… DJ on The Edge meets Pandora bracelet from Botany Town Centre. If ever a metaphor summed up a prime minister’s personality, it’s this. You lead a nation, mate — not a playlist.
🌞 Right-Wingers Declare War on Summer Newstalk ZB, Chris Luxon, and Auckland Chamber Pope Simon Bridges are all fuming that Kiwis dare to enjoy summer. Bridges grumbled, “Are we still in holiday mode until March?” — a bold take from a man whose beard looks like it was lost at sea in 1842. The right isn’t happy owning the economy, the media, and Parliament — they want your beach days too. Wage slaves, unite — or at least take a nap.
🏘️ Chris Bishop’s Rent Advice: Just Ask Nicely! The Housing Minister told a select committee this week that renters should simply negotiate lower rent with their landlords. Great advice — if your landlord is your in-laws, like Bishop’s. For everyone else? Good luck negotiating with a boomer investor and their property manager goon. From rent prices to leadership coups, Bishop just keeps flopping.
From Spotify cringe to landlord delusion — it’s a full-spectrum farce. It’s not news. It’s the War on News.
It’s actually pronounced “Lobotomy Town Centre”.
Does “Duh…… Bish!” know the upfront costs of moving if your landlord just kicks you out for having the temerity to ask for a rent reduction?
Or if you shift properties for lower rent prices?
Probably not, thanks to the in-laws.