Libertarian Jesus and The Gospel according to Free Market David

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And on the first day of Parliament, Libertarian Jesus disciple, Free Market David, called out to the people and he saith, “Entrance to Heaven has been owned by tribal protocapitalist family owned small enterprises with a strict list of 10 commandments before you can enter Heaven. Libertarian Jesus lets you choose which 7 you want to agree to! Name another provider that lowers regulations like that?

The People were confused and wasn’t sure exactly what Free Market David was selling them and they cried back, “Wait, so you can choose to murder and still get into heaven?

Free market David shrugged and saith, ‘Sure, I just want a tax cut.”

On the second day of Parliament, Libertarian Jesus disciple, Free Market David, called out to the people and he saith, “I shall feed the children with these 3 frozen loaves and 2 burnt fish”, and the people cried back, “Wait, is it just 3 frozen loaves and 2 burnt fish? How are we going to feed everyone with such a small amount of shitty food”?

Free Market David looked upon the people and he saith unto them, “I don’t give a fuck, don’t breed em if you can’t feed em”.

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On the third day of Parliament, Libertarian Jesus disciple, Free Market David, called out to the people and he saith, “Libertarian Jesus doesn’t like Māori, let’s rob them of everything”, and the people cried back, ‘Wait, aren’t you all about property rights because stealing Māori property rights seems really racist”, to which Free market David saith, “You are the racist ones! How dare you judge the colour or my neck by its redness or the cracker of my nature! I just want equality and if forcing Māori to relinquish their property rights allows me to take more property, then it is righteous and it is good. The white man marches on”!

On the fourth day of Parliament, Libertarian Jesus disciple, Free Market David took the rest of the week off because he only works 3 days a week. Fuck the Poor.

 

 

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12 COMMENTS

  1. Calvin came up with this view that the wealthy were a reflection of God’s favour. Seymour is merely reflecting it. I don’t think he has an original idea in his head.

  2. It never crossed anyone’s mind, to wonder who Jesus Christ would vote for in NZ.
    The fact that Seymour is now in such a bad way that he’s having these thoughts, tells us he’s gone off the edge. This is an insane notion.

    Perhaps part of the reason he’s thinking this crazy thought and saying it out loud, is because he knows he’s not on Jesus Christ’s side at all. He knows he’s doing the opposite but is trying to establish, early on and publicly, that he and JC are mates.
    This appeal to people’s religiosity is right-wing nonsense. Making people fear that by not supporting Seymour, they aren’t supporting Jesus.
    Sane, logical people do not think like this, it’s childish to say the least.

    He needs to be removed from parliament and kept out of the public eye.
    The Americans failed to detain trump when they had the chance. He started waving Bibles around.
    Don’t make us go down that road.

    • Absolutely correct Joy.
      We have 3 leaders of the coalition that are beginning to show cracks in their mental stability and this is a major concern.
      Luxon believes playing cricket with kids in India will get a trade deal, Peters, well he is obviously headed down the dementia path. My dad used to attack verbally and physically prior to being placed in care. Winston is going the same way.
      Seymour is obviously starting to believe he is God. Time to lock him up.
      Then add in Jones who obviously sees himself as a desciple, van Velden obviously is far superior to everyone, Brownie is carrying out God’s work, Bishop is a charlatan, Willis is delusional, Chour and Costello are just evil.
      In a nutshell we’re being governed but a cabal of the mentally ill who think Trump is God and they wish to emulate him.

      • Your examples are why many people who voted this lot in just for “change” are turning their backs on them and realise now the previous Labour government was actually stable.

  3. Ah yes, the same free market that will give us enormous increases in power costs and no refining capacity

  4. Not saying that we should nail Seymour to a cross in front of the Beehive, but can we at least do the public flogging part?

    Rather than attracting Jesus, ACT is a better fit for Judas.

  5. Somewhere in an alternative reality; ‘ I NEVER FUCKING SAID THAT !’

    Jesus Christ is smacking the shit out Jean Calvin( the Protestant dude who came up with the theory of God’s wealthy Elect).
    Saint Peter is sodomising child molesting Roman Catholic priests with a huge red-hot crucifix.
    Karl Marx is pelting Josef Stalin with sharp stones.
    Fredrick Nietzche and Georg Hegel are walloping Adolf Hitler.
    And Adam Smith is repeatedly throttling Fredrich Hayek.

Comments are closed.