Weekend Poetry: Ode to Countdown as you dump my loyalty card


Ode to Countdown.

I fucking hate you.

I hate your market dominance.

I hate your duopoly molestation of capitalism.

I hate your specials that are never special.

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I just expect to get screwed over by you.

Like a toxic Ex.

I hate your bullshit new loyalty card.

Why would  I allow you onto my phone?

I never liked you being in my wallet!

I’m not signing up to your shitty loyalty spy-wear.

I will continue to loath you as you keep trying to tempt me with lower prices available only on your spy-wear app.

I will continue to refuse and make some middle management market interaction analyst fret.

I hate you Countdown.

PS – Changing your name to Woolworths won’t make me loath you less.

I said good day.


  1. After 6 years of unprecedented kindness to supermarket duopoly they are wealthier and more powerful than ever.

    “Multiple cardgate” is just another example of incompetence. Hope the same ITidiots were not involved in the creation of firearms register.

  2. Lovely rant Martyn. Can we rise up like a hydra after we have formed up national group called something like Consumer Resistance+ and start having buy-free days; boycott certain store chains, bad owners, products etc – but not on sudden whims arbitrarily, that would be self-defeating. We are being utilised, farmed in a way by the money-hungry entitled, and the ersatz government that serves them. Let the new thralls assert themselves, take back some agency all of us ‘Carpet Crawlers’ from Genesis.

    : a many-headed serpent or monster in Greek mythology that was slain by Hercules and each head of which when cut off was replaced by two others. 2. not capitalized : a multifarious evil not to be overcome by a single effort…

  3. Sod’em and their spy cam “enrolments”.

    Dirty price gougers who rely on keeping out smaller traders, price fixing and random increases, and even have caveats on real estate to stop competitors opening a store near one of theirs.

  4. Yea, fucked me off as well. Fuck Countdown. One easy thing the commerce commission could’ve done was ban loyalty cards. Easy. Everyone wins. Fuck Countdown.

  5. God is punishing Countdown with a plague of rodents, now moving up the South Island, and due to reach Cook Strait before the weekend.

  6. cough-cough…
    OK. So this was in 1988. Four years into roger douglas’s neo-liberalism. Scum’s scum. And so it was.
    “It also puts paid to speculation that Sir Ron Brierley was planning to create a similar network by combining Progressive with Woolworths Ltd, which is 40 per cent owned by his Industrial Equity Ltd.
    Brierley Investments’ decision to sell suggests that obtaining half its current Woolworths parcel was the prime motivation in its fight with Rainbow over Progressive, which ended by the larger company swallowing the smaller.
    Coles Myer last night announced it had bought 87.2 per cent of Progressive from Magnum Corporation Ltd, a 70 per cent subsidiary of Brierley Investments, at $A3.58 ($NZ4.08) in a deal worth $A472 million ($NZ537 million).”
    The real reason why countdown is being countdown is because it’s in the blood.
    Here’s in idea. Just don’t spend your money there. But if you must, use cash. That’d totally fuck them up. They’d have no idea what to do with actual, literal, 3D money.
    Ol ronny though aye? Mr Kiddy Porn the grocer.
    I wonder if ol ronny the fiddler had anything to do with shrinkflation? Anathoth and fucking Roses shrunk their jaars of jam then charged more for the sugary shit.

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