2015 was a bumper year for politics. Here’s my list of of those who made a difference, for better or worse.
1. Politician of the Year: Justin Trudeau: for pulling Canada’s bombers out of Syria, for personally welcoming Syrian refugees to Canada, for creating his county’s first gender-balanced cabinet, for initiating the decriminalization of marijuana, for addressing the past treatment of indigenous people, for reversing Canada’s climate change denials . Beautiful. Bi-lingual. Testament that style and substance are not mutually exclusive. The antidote to ugly poisonous politics. Made me wish NZ was a province of Canada.
2. Kelvin Davis: for speaking truth to power, for actually getting off his arse in Wellington and travelling to Christmas Island to determine the plight of NZ detainees, for relentlessly pursuing and exposing Serco’s scandalous incompetence and fraud. He walks his talk. Made me proud to have voted Labour.
3. Hilary Clinton: for standing by Bill all these years, for making it through 11 hours of congressional interrogation in better shape than her interrogators, living proof that America is not completely full of ignorant, racist bigots. She should be President. She must be President.
4. Winston Peters: for winning Northland, for proving John Key is not invincible, for looking so suave at 70. A charming, street-smart political gadfly in National’s ointment.
5. Marama Davidson: for her courage and compassion, for hitting the ground running, a working mother who actually believes in something. A political superstar in the making.
6. David Seymour: for not being a craven little lickspittle, unlike his predecessor. Can’t abide his politics but hugely admired his decision to decline a place in Key’s cabinet. Very bright. Doesn’t wear a bowtie so already a step up from Peter Dunne.
7. Tony Abbott: for being a dangerous religious fundamentalist. Rightly dumped by his colleagues before he dragged Oz into a Holy War. A Textor/Crosby sloganeer (like Key) now hell-bent on political revenge at the expense of his party and his country. Should be sent to Christmas Island immediately.
8. Donald Trump: for making George W Bush look like Gandhi., for saying in public what ignorant racist bigots have always wanted to say. Personification of The Ugly American. Puts me off the colour orange for life. Should be sent to Christmas Island immediately.
9. John Key: for being an easy, sleazy, smug rich prick who makes fun of those less fortunate, for using his considerable talents for the betterment of the wealthy at the expense of the poor, for being a royal-name-dropping-All-Black-arse-licking-star-fucker (and these are his good points). Makes me ashamed to be a New Zealander. Should be sent to the shower block on Christmas Island immediately.
10. Adolf Hitler: for achieving the remarkable distinction of being compared to ISIS and Donald Trump in the same week, for being the politician behind VW and the inspiration for its outrageous marketing propaganda, for enduring more hilariously inappropriate internet memes than any other living politician. Uncredited set and costume designer for the evil baddies in the latest Star Wars. For having one testicle (that’s still one more than John Key).