Enough is enough


Every child who is killed by someone who is supposed to care for them in this country hits me as a physical blow. A little piece of my heart and my hope for NZ’s future dies with them.

The brutal death of little Ihaka Stokes has hit me harder than usual. The likeness between Ihaka and my son Dante at the same age and the way he is described by loved ones is incredible, and there are similarities in my and his mother’s age and situation when Dante was a toddler. Ihaka is even Dante’s middle name in another language.

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It would be inappropriate and would take away from my message to speculate on the circumstances of his death, and I won’t indulge in it. The truth will come out eventually, and I would hate to have wasted my time and energy – and yours – on assumptions.

But what we do know is heartbreaking enough – a precious little boy has been killed. Yet another one of our children. A little boy with beautiful long, blonde curls, a wee button nose and toothy grin, just like my son. A little boy full of energy, only beginning his journey of life, like my son was. Cheeky, loving and stubborn, just like my son.

I look (up) at my now almost 13 year old boy/man – 5ft7, size 10 feet, accomplished parkourist, big brother to his siblings, little brother to his step-sisters, and see how much those who love Ihaka will miss out on. The lows, the highs, the unconditional love – the precious relationship we, Dante’s loved ones, have treasured and always will, for the rest of his life. He is well-regarded, kind-hearted, helpful and loving – the best son anyone could ever ask for.

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Ihaka could have grown into a wonderful young man, just like my son, if his life had not been so tragically cut short at the hands of someone who should never have been allowed near him. And Ihaka is only one of 3 precious little NZ children lost or maimed JUST THIS WEEK.

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This has to stop. Our kids deserve safety and love. Every single one of them. No excuses.

Our government has an ongoing role in our shameful record of child abuse, and I could rant for hours and pages about how they have continually failed to implement policy that actually keeps our children safe – for decades. But I’m not going to do that here.

Instead, I directly plead with every single one of you to do one thing to save OUR kids.

I know that when we witness someone acting unacceptably towards children, and that person is a friend, neighbour or relative; that intervening or contacting the authorities is hard. We think about our safety, our relationships with them, how uncomfortable future family events or gatherings of friends are going to be.

We think about how maybe they have changed or will change, maybe their new partner has ‘mellowed them down’, that someone else will intervene, surely; that the neighbours are ‘ferals’ anyway so who cares, that they are ‘only violent when they drink’, that they were ‘just stressed out’ etc.

Please – do not blinker yourselves. Please don’t console yourselves with excuses and decide to keep quiet.

Talk to your family and friends. If they won’t listen to you, talk with others they might listen to. Get to know your neighbours. Don’t be afraid to ask struggling parents if they are ok. Offer practical help, or resources to ring. Babysit. Be honest with your family and friends if you know someone around their children may be a risk. If you hear someone whose behaviour concerns you is babysitting children, say something. Keep your eyes wide open and trust your gut.

Don’t hesitate. Ring the police. Ring CYF. Dial 111.


Because there is no worse feeling in existence than finding out that child has been maimed or killed, or is now grown up but carries permanent scars inside and out – and knowing you could have made a difference, but chose the ‘safe’, ‘easy’ route and did nothing.

That is the least our helpless, voiceless children deserve from us – their family, friends, community, and country.


  1. That’s the appalling truth of what happens in our country today.

    We could call these adults wild beast’s…but most wild beast’s at least guard and defend their offspring with their lives…there is no excuse.

  2. I weep for every one of these dead children. Every time it happens. It pains me to the fibre of my being. They are innocents. Defencless . They experience the ultimate betrayal. All persons convicted of such cruelty should be sterilized.

    • Okay now I’m going to treat that comment seriously. Because even though what an offender did was terribly violent and abhorrent, you won’t fix that by committing another offence, ie, an act of violence. So even though you might feel angry enough to wish that punishment upon them, it’s not an option.

  3. Our children are bearing the brunt of our worsening behaviour in an increasingly violent society. It’s a disgrace to us as a nation. We need action on this but it won’t change until we understand more about what things are driving it. Politicians need to address this without it becoming politicised. I agree with the author; we are society, and collectively we are responsible for how our society deals with this problem.

  4. True that Kingi,

    My dad told me to lead by example when I was 8yrs old in 1952 and I have never veered from that path and live with pride that my father cared to direct me to this moral manner because today I see the result from our society that has not cared to have the moral fibre to conduct themselves with honour and dignity so others are inspired to follow.

    Just look at the track record to see the level of lack of leadership in the current government?

    So many disgraced ministers including the PM that it’s hard to find a good one any more.

    This is why we are now on a slippery slope all.

  5. I beg to differ. Removing section 59 has simply criminalised good parents, and done nothing to halt the child abuse stats. Your own article is an admission of failure.



    Maybe it was “Brain swelling” (COMMONLY (/deliberately) MISREPORTED AS ASSAULT)

    Brain “injuries” …ie Encephalitis =”SWELLING”on the Brain(/aka “head injuries” = commonly misreported as caused by outside assault

    IS ALSO CAUSED BY VACCINE DAMAGE (Proven but very covered up known FACT)


    I’m betting this is yet another case of …vaccine damage, swept under the carpet.

    • What part of “multiple blunt force fractures” do you not understand, or is it that you think these can be caused by brain swelling, as a form of “vaccine injury”?

      Seriously, you think “multiple blunt force fractures” is speculation? Seriously what the heck?

      Vaccines in general are safe. Injury rates are something like 1 in a million – thats where *something* goes wrong – it could be more swelling in the arm where it went in than normal, or a fever. Out of that one in a million, only a tiny fraction are deaths. Usually its because the vaccinated person had something else going on in their body as well.

      But in any case, you can take your anti-vax arse, and go back down the hole you crawled out of. Seriously!


    is just a conclusion of word DESCRIPTIONS.

    “Blunt force ” = No obvious outside injuries. ( The key word is”BLUNT”)
    THUS ALSO Applies to Brainswelling

    Did you see this child YOURSELF?

    So YOU frigging DON’T KNOW. ADMIT IT!!!!

    • I do know. And blunt force injuries don’t = no outside marks. The term refers to how the obvious injuries were inflicted.
      I know multiple bones were broken.
      Some of those bones were in his face. Before he died, a surgeon was called in to prioritise for surgery if needed. He ‘didn’t know where to start’ it was that bad.
      Knuckle marks.
      Imprint bruises
      etc etc etc….
      Vaccination causes none of the above.

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