The Bitchelor Episode 7 Paleo Polygamy with a Tramp: One Woman’s Reflux

By   /   April 7, 2015  /   10 Comments

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I feel the need to confess. I can’t in all conscious continue without coming clean. I watched the last episode on fast forward with the sound turned off.

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I feel the need to confess. I can’t in all conscious continue without coming clean. I watched the last episode on fast forward with the sound turned off. Look, I know it’s wrong but at the time it felt so right. In all honesty I felt as though I had discovered the penultimate way to watch the show. It improved the viewing no end. Unfortunately it came back to bite me on the arse. I had to watch the episode again to make sure I didn’t miss anything important and because when I say I’m going to take one for the team, damn it, I bend over and assume the position! I won’t make that mistake again. Tonight I’m going to focus super hard so I only have to watch this crap once. What’s more I’m going to try and stay super engaged. I’m so excited I’m going to unblock the drain in the upstairs shower. Only in the ads though, the rest of the time I’m going to googling random shit.

Did you know that when you search polygamous animals the first pictures are of meerkat’s, which is uncanny because I actually told someone if the bachelor was an animal he would be a mere-kat. (But wouldn’t he tho?) Meerkat’s live in a group with one dominant male and one dominant female supported by subordinates. Sometimes they kill each other. The most likely threat to a meerkat is another meerkat. Last episode Arty pashed two of the ladies with tongues and made the ladies strut up and down for his viewing pleasure while he decided which one wasn’t up to standard.

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The opening scene tonight is Arty having a toss and showing us his guns. There are eleven ladies left and of that he has felt a ‘real connection’ with four and snogged two. There was never a lot to like about the bachelor, Arthur but as the series progresses and he reveals even less personality it is hard not to find him repulsive. At least meerkats are cute. Arty is just starting to sound more and more like an arrogant entitled twat.

When Arty announced that tonight’s date was going to be ‘classy’ I knew by the mere fact he used that terminology that it wouldn’t be. (Every brothel owner I’ve ever met has told me that their brothel isn’t a brothel. It’s a gentleman’s club and it’s classy.) Let’s face it, how upmarket can a tv date within a succession of competing ladies be with a limited budget? Tonight’s sponsor was Wither Hills. I’m familiar with the label, its often on special.
Alysha felt special though, when Arty took her on a surprise picnic! (That’s five for five.) I’m not sure how special she should be feeling because the food on the first date with Poppy looked way better and there was champagne.

Alysha is only getting the plonk that Arty mixed in the tasting room.

There’s cuddling and unsurprisingly Arty states he is attracted to her but he has to snog the face of them to see if there’s spark? Why doesn’t he just test drive them out and out? When he’s talking about connection isn’t he talking about sexual attraction? Then they could get a really big budget sponsor like Durex or Viagra. Judging by the way things are going so far it’s probably more likely our Arty would get sponsored by Herbal Ignite. They advertise with Media Works. Damn I hope that wasn’t a spoiler. They keep advertising the Paul Henry Show. You can see how this all ties in.

She turns him down and sticks to the age old feminine ploy of playing hard to get. That doesn’t mean she says ‘no bugger off you shallow bastard’ but instead says she wants to wait….till its special. Does that mean after his finished pashing the other eleven testing for spark?

Thinking about Paul Henry made me google research another polygamous animal. Hugh Hefner. Like the meerkat he also lives in a social group with one dominant male and one dominant female and support staff. The females are a danger to each other and often fight. Unlike Paul Henry Hugh Hefner lounges around in pyjamas.

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The group date is at a place called Jump where the ladies have to avoid flying balls while getting bounced. There’s tramps everywhere. I kid you not. The tramp situation gets ugly and one of the ladies is seen as unattractively competitive. This is said by one of the women competing with the competitive one. If you follow.

Getting the ladies to compete, while getting jumped, surrounded by tramps and with Paul Henry hanging out at the bottom of the screen was all too much and I laughed throughout the cocktail party missing the desperate manoeuvring as the numbers go down and the pool depletes.

Two of the non-dominant females were sent off with their tales between their legs. When this happens at Hugh’s Mansion they normally get a large cash settlement and a spinoff. Things could only get worse if Paul Henry invites them to be interviewed.

 

 

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10 Comments

  1. Thankfully, I have been prepared for 21st Century television by watching “Idiocracy” .

    I’m tempted to ask if this is how the collapse of Rome started. But of course, the Romans did not have television. Which, when you think about it, is hardly a saving grace…

  2. wanafli says:

    This program has bought me such delight.. well it’s not the program as such, but the write up I get to read each week from you Kate.. I look forward to Wednesday morning, when my husband reads out your blog. He doesn’t need to watch the program to know what is going on, just your blog says it all. So getting to the Bachelor, reality t.v, I think the only reality t.v. is that of which is on the CCTV cameras. I feel that some of this program is all for show, that the girls have to act and say things that they are all instructed to do.. So tonight will be something to watch, up until now, Crystal has been the sought to speak her mind, but be nice about it, she knows what she wants, and from last nights episode, I felt she was the only one that hit the nail on the head. She was happy for Danni when she won the “one on one” time with Arthur. She stated it is a game, and may the best person win.. good sportsmanship (sportswomenship). But tonight it appears that the gloves come off.. maybe the ratings are dropping, so we better up those, and what better way than having a cat-fight, even the men will watch in on that..

  3. Kate Kate says:

    Funny, I like the woman in the show now, they are funny and mostly fun and seem relaxed. Arty now comes across like a big spoilt mummies boy who is narcissistic and probably only dated woman from the elite site, where nothing would be good enough for perfect him. So he’s probably used to dating plastic narcissistic fake types, just like him, that would be weird when the illusion falls. And they realise looks just aren’t enough for a meaningful relationship. No one wants to be a Stepford wife.
    I think he maybe realising woman actually all have different personalities, and he’s likeing them all, ‘amazing stories’. The woman must be bonding in interesting ways at the house also. I do think the power has shifted and the woman are playing it up now, and having fun with it, Arty is repeatative and a bit boring like an actor which he is really. I have missed the start of this show but I still don’t know much about him? But remember they are consenting adults on a show getting free stuff, it isn’t cruelty like a circus full of animals having tea parties, even if it doesn’t look much different, we didn’t fall out of the trees that long ago.
    I noticed Arty doesn’t get jokes, at the Kate and Wills dining room at the vineyard,( can’t remember her name) she cracks a joke about that and I saw the flash on his face he didn’t like it, maybe he likens himself to royalty or is so conscious of the ‘TrueMan Show’ like commercial that she busted the perfect ad with her joke. Either way hilarious. Go girls run rings around him.

  4. countryboy says:

    Idiocracy ! That’s my fav’ !

    Watched the American TV evangelists ? Sally Jessy Raphael? Dr Phil ? Creflo Dollar ! Hahahaha !

    A personal favourite ; jeremey kyle . A little rat making his fortune enraging a human sub species into scratching each others eyes out .

    My fear that humanity is about to expire is turning very quickly into a hope .

    I have more respect, and a sadness for, the wee beasties I mash onto the windscreen of my car than those freaky , freaky , freaky bastards on The Bachelor . Their physical beauty being an all-areas pass into the dire world of image and appearance for the profit of those who market them . The bleak , inhuman farce that is that which they market as entertainment haunts those of us looking in . What has been seen cannot be unseen .
    @ Kate Dickie – Davis ? I don’t know how you do it . Respect .

  5. slydixon says:

    What would be the ultimate way?

  6. JonL says:

    Sounds almost as bad as “Adam Looking for Eve” – the dutch nude TV dating show where they have to swim ashore to a desert island one on one, then the producers introduce another female – or male – or both – and see how it plays out!! Last week, the 2 girls paired up and chucked the guy off the island….lol. We just keep thinking, they shouldn’t have light skinned Nederlanders out in the tropical sun – after 2 days, the sunburn looks rather painful…….

  7. sleepy says:

    I fail to see how this show has made it to TV. Its misogynistic sexist rubbish (okay I only watched 10 minutes of one episode in forming that opinion) Do the women involved have any self respect, they seem happy to line up like slabs of meat for the male to poke and prod while he chooses which one he is going to end up f*****g (I mean marrying) And I hear no protest out in society so I guess I’m out of line with my disgust with this programme and the women of new Zealand are happy to be portrayed in this manner