The War on News: Umbrella Worship, Seymour’s Chainsaw State & “It’s Just Weather”

This week on The War on News, Martyn Bradbury dissects umbrella adoration, libertarian fever dreams, and a Government still pretending climate chaos is just a passing shower.

☔ Nancy Lu’s Umbrella Love Letter:
National MP Nancy Lu took to social media to praise Christopher Luxon for — wait for it — holding an umbrella over someone at 4 a.m. “No cameras called, no drama, just instinct. That’s leadership.”
Kind. Grounded. Energetic. Action-orientated.
It reads less like political commentary and more like a North Korean dating profile. If umbrella deployment is now the gold standard of leadership, we may need to recalibrate expectations. Ask the communities smashed by extreme weather how well the PM provides shelter — you might get a different review.

🪓 Seymour’s Thanos Moment:
David Seymour’s State of the Nation speech promised to “finger click” half the public sector out of existence — Musk meets Milei with an Argentinian chainsaw. Small government for everyone else, mega-spend vanity ministry for himself. The hypocrisy would be funny if it weren’t so septic. Libertarianism: where supply and demand is the only morality, unless it’s your pet project.

🌪️ “It’s Just Weather” — Again:
As storm after storm pounds Aotearoa, Emergency Management Minister Mark Mitchell shrugs: “It’s just weather. Weather changes.”
Right. And fires just burn. And oceans just rise.
Whatever the environmental crisis, the National response remains consistent: more cows.

*Umbrellas. Chainsaws. Climate denial.
It’s not news. It’s the War on News.*