The War on News: Dog PR Stunts, Mouldy Lunches & Trump’s War Crime Cruise

This week on The War on News, Martyn Bradbury tears into dog-photo optics, rotting school lunches, and a US president casually rewriting the Geneva Convention.

🐕 Landlord Pet Bonds & Parliament Dog Selfies: David Seymour, Chris Bishop, and Tama Potaka gathered on Parliament’s lawns with dogs to promote new pet bond legislation — aka paying landlords more money for the privilege of having a cat. If you can’t afford rent, you sure as hell can’t afford a pet bond. This entire thing was a photo op dressed as policy — three MPs, one dog each, and zero shame.

🐾 Caption competition time: Who let the dogs out? Man’s worst friend. Why is Seymour’s dog big enough to ride? And why does Bishop look like he’s trying to win over the SPCA vote?

🍽️ David Seymour’s School Slop Makes Kids Sick: Reports of liquefied, mouldy lunches delivered to hungry students sparks national outrage — and Seymour responds by… attacking the principal. His defence? Only ten kids got sick. You can’t prove it was my mouldy food. What a platform. David Seymour is officially better at twerking than feeding children — and his twerk game is already deeply suspect.

💣 Trump’s Venezuela Boat Strikes: War Crime or Policy? Donald Trump’s “extrajudicial assassination tour” off Venezuela’s coast involves drone strikes on suspected drug boats — including a double-tap strike that killed survivors of the first hit. Even the US military is side-eyeing this. Meanwhile, Trump pardoned Honduras’s ex-president for cocaine trafficking. A war on drugs? Try a war on basic logic.

From dog cosplay to food rot to drone lawlessness — it’s been a week. It’s not news. It’s the War on News.