The Infamous TDB Political Awards 2024

Remember how the majority of the mainstream media claimed the last Budget was ‘vanilla’ when it was incredibly radical?

Remember when Victoria University’s Democracy Project and most mainstream media claimed this Government was ‘moderate’???

1 year on and they don’t sing the ‘moderate’ tune no longer now do they?

84 000 marching on the Hikoi and 700 million views of the Parliament Haka all kill the ‘moderate’ lie don’t they?

This hard right, racist, climate denying, beneficiary bashing, disabled abusing Government has implemented an anti-Māori, anti-Treaty, anti-worker, anti-environment, anti-renter, anti-beneficiary agenda to distract angry voters from noticing the cavalcade of legislation that benefits their donor class.

This Government loves cigarettes and machine guns more than they do public health.

Let that sink in.

Consider the insane culture war revenge fantasies masquerading as social policy and the venal self interested donor class getting their economic policy rammed through with little democratic oversight:

• A denigrating anti-Māori agenda
• Attacks on worker rights
• Attacks on renter rights
• Slashing public services to afford a $2.9billion tax break for rich landlords
• Slashing $90-$300million in Māori funding
• Slashing $3billion from climate change funds
• Promising cancer patients money for their drugs then reneging on it and only funding half the drugs for twice the cost!
• Race war generating Treaty principles referendum
• Eliminating Māori representation at local council level
• Fast Track Powers that will desecrate environment
• Allowing Gas and Oil exploration
• Building a mega prison
• Draconian war on crime powers
• Getting NZ involved in a new American war
• Allowing News media to die so there is less accountability
• Attacking beneficiaries
• Throwing 50 000 off welfare
• Attacking the disability sector
• Cancelling the IRex Ferry’s for virtue signalling
• $12billion in tax cuts we couldn’t afford
• Massive public service cuts in favour of user pays
• Underfunding Public Health to cause a manufactured crisis
• Pro Gun nuttiness
• Pro Tobacco nuttiness
• Pro Mining nuttiness
• Pushing donor interests above and beyond the common good
• Weaponising our gridlock impatience by lifting speed limits that will kill more people
• Cutting public funding to community sports teams that have trans players
• Grievance Inquiry into Covid
• International think tank Atlas influencing policy
• Postponing WHO reporting to sate anti-vaxxers conspiracy theorists.

That list is like the greatest hits album of an arsehole.

 

Here are this year’s Political Awards:

BEST ORATOR: Willie Jackson

He won the 2024 Oxford Debate, his Treaty Referendum Speech in Parliament hit 1.7million views and he gave what has been described as the best ever speech at a Labour Party Conference. He continues to articulate a working class value inside a very middle class Labour Party. He’s the Māori for all Seasons.

BEST POLITICAL QUOTE: Nadine Walker in defending Tory Whanau

Tory Whanau’s chief of staff is Nadine Walker. She’s a former Green Party press secretary and partner of party co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick. In an insanely heated argument between Union Wellington representatives critical of Tory’s airport sale, Nadine dropped the greatest political quote of the year to truly help identify what top shelf woke wank truly looks like.

The Spinoff coverage is glorious of the exchange:

The two sides went back and forth but made no progress. Ninety minutes after the meeting began, the Unions Wellington crew stumbled out onto the Terrace bewildered. Rizos-Shaw was nearly in tears. An hour late for work, she texted her boss: “just got yelled at by the mayor, sorry!”

“It was a bad atmosphere,” says Jacob. “Tory has done a lot of yelling, accusing us of sabotaging her personally, having an attitude problem, refusing to come to the forum. It couldn’t have gone worse.” Two days out from the public forum – a crucial moment in the campaign – their confidence was shaken. But there was still hope – two glimmers of it, in fact. 

… the Nadine Walker quote manages to sum up everything people detest about Green Party Identitarians, read it and gasp…

Sixteen minutes later, Walker replied, “Tory is still going to decline going to this meeting, and I have to say, unfortunately, even with your commitment to a safe environment to discuss, I found this agenda item framed up in a way that is disconcerting.” Walker was referring to the agenda item described as “Pinning Councillors/Mayor down”. Rizos-Shaw was confused. “‘Pinning’ is merely community organizing slang for asking candidates yes or no questions,” she replied.

…here is the Nadine Walker quote that you have to read to believe…

“OK, thanks for clarifying,” said Walker. “I am used to Greens language/kaupapa, where metaphors that invoke violence are avoided, so perhaps that is why I was shocked to read that!”

…WOW!

Just. WOW!

The only thing more passive-aggressive than that statement is slapping your own face during orgasm!

She attempted to twist ‘pinning down the Mayor’ into some sexual assault safety issue and was triggered by the mere use of the word!

Wow. That is amazing and really tells you everything you need to know about the new culture inside the Greens. What a way to end 2024.

THINNEST SKIN: Don Brash

Isn’t it amazing how all these right wing free speech champions immediately call in the lawyers when someone says something they don’t like? Hypocrites of the worst kind.

POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR: Hana-Rāwhiti Maipi-Clarke

At 22 years of age, she captured the imagination of the planet with her protest Haka scaring the bejesus out of rednecks and crackers alike. Her taking Winston to task in the house was brilliant and her passion alongside her fearlessness mark her out as the next generation of political leadership. Cracker hates her and we should celebrate her! Her Haka has now been viewed a billion times on line so that’s lot of fragile crackers. ACT fucked around and they found out.

LEADER OF THE YEAR: Chloe Swarbrick 

There are genuinely few politicians in this country who excite my intellect and provide me with real optimism and hope.

Chloe is one of them.

Ever since she came third for the Auckland mayoralty, she has stood out as an intellectual and philosophical giant for the Left.

Her ability to articulate and promote progressive ideas and values is a once in a generation talent.

She’s the Jacinda we all wished Jacinda could have been.

Her power to persuade, her wit and her intelligence mark her out as the leader the NZ left have been begging for.

Her refusal to be emotionally manipulated by Darleen Tana, and after the madness of the They/Them uber woke clique trying to use Tana to challenge the leadership, Chloe has immediately recaptured the political debate that internal fiasco robbed her off with an emissions plan that makes sense.

Her hope to lead the most powerful social movement is still there, and her ability to do it after the needlessly divisiveness of the last year is testament to her capacity.

FOR SERVICES TO BURNING CROSSES: David Seymour

His banjo twanging, cross burning race stunt of a referendum Bill has managed to do one thing that no one else could ever do, unify Māoridom! This divisive theatre being pulled while the Economy is in meltdown is going to cost National the next election. When you consider that Winston is currently pushing through legislation to strip the Treaty out of all law and yet you had no idea of that, David has managed to eclipse all the rest of the debate and make ACT the alpha dog of this coalition. ACT are well on their way to double digits for the next election as they exploit Trexit for all they can.

FOR SERVICES TO CANCER AND TOBACCO: Casey Costello.

She got her Tobacco pimps the largest ever subsidy in NZ history while pretending it wasn’t a subsidy. She has misled Parliament and her ‘research’ was nothing more than a google search, most of which was evidence proving her assertion wrong! This is the first pro cancer government we’ve ever had.

FOR SERVICES TO THE SOCIOPATH’S TOY MACHINE GUN OF CHIOCE: Nicole Mckee

Nicole McKee’s slavish devotion to get AK-47s into the hands of children has earned her the highest praise of her gun fetish acolytes. The manner in which she has prioritised more guns over almost any other consideration is almost Trumpian in its grandeur and total disconnect from reality. The Police Association keep begging her to have nothing to do with guns yet she continues to be able to pimp for their interests. Does she have Chris Luxon’s pet in a basement or something? This government cares more about machine guns and cigarettes than they do the people.

FOR SERVICES TO DIVERSITY: Darleen Tana

The They/Thems can’t just pretend their identity is reason enough to stay in Parliament after Tana quit the Party! Bad day for pronouns every where.

FOR SERVICES TO FREE MARKET MYTHOLOGY: Nicola Willis and David Seymour

This National, ACT and NZF Government can not keep pointing to the money the previous Government borrowed to protect us from a once in a century pandemic as the reason the Economy is in free fall!

This National, ACT and NZF Government decided to borrow more than Labour did for tax cuts we couldn’t afford creating a hollowed out Austerity Budget that cut the supply of constant infrastructure work and has led to an exodus of skilled workers to Australia.

The economic results are grim and damning…

“The data showed that the economy is growing more slowly than forecast just six months ago. Next year GDP growth was forecast to 1.7% at Budget, now its 0.5%. GDP is $20bn lower by 2028. Unemployment is higher in every year of the forecast – with 20,000 more people on jobseekers support by 2026. OBEGAL absent the new tricks of accounting – never comes back into surplus across the forecast period. Net Core Crown Debt increases across the forecast period by $58bn.

“The Budget Policy Statement signals that we are in for more cuts in the next few budgets. There is only $700m available at the next Budget to pay for everything outside health. That bakes in likely cuts to public investment and to the public sector workforce every year for the next few years. All to pay for the tax cuts that have now passed. The folly of that decision is now being uncovered.

…this isn’t Labour’s previous Covid spending, this is a direct result of the actions and virtue signal stunts of this Government!

When cuts beget cuts

Treasury’s Chief Economist Dominick Stephens warned yesterday the recession was worsening to be deeper than the one seen in the Global Financial Crisis and widening the Budget deficit. His comments echoed those of a group of 15 economists who yesterday called for a suspension to Government spending cuts, saying they weren’t needed and were creating a negative feedback loop of economic contraction.

Stephens couldn’t have been clearer:

Economic growth has proved slower than anticipated. Weaker economic growth means a smaller economy and less tax revenue, increasing the challenge for the Government in balancing its books. Treasury’s Chief Economist Dominick Stephens in a speech to the Chartered Accountants Australia and New Zealand (CAANZ) Annual Tax Conference.

…the austerity of this Government is causing public services to collapse because this Government hasn’t borrowed for public services, they’ve borrowed for tax cuts!

Economists call for end to Budget cuts

A group of economists, including former Treasury Chief Economist and former Productivity Commissioners, published a letter to PM Christopher Luxon this morning calling for an immediate suspension of budget cuts to avoid further worsening a recession they say is hollowing out businesses and conflicts with the Government’s goal of doubling exports.

They argued fiscal policy was needlessly worsening the recession, saying there was no clear rationale for projected budget cuts and little consideration about the short-term effects. They wrote:

For example, your Government’s cancellation of key infrastructure projects and sinking-lid cuts to the public service are powerful contributors to the current severe and prolonged recession. This is substantially worsening the contractionary effects on the economy of the Reserve Bank’s use of the Official Cash Rate to contain inflation.

All National have as economic philosophy is whatever the fuck their donor interests are, and their donors interests are all about deregulation so they can rape the environment without having to talk to da Maaaris.

This Austerity is literally killing us!

Look at the official annual Health Survey released last week for the last year under this National Government:

• One in four children (27.0 percent) lived in households where food ran out often or sometimes, up from 21.3 percent in 2022/23
• 10.7 percent of adults had an unmet need for professional help for their emotions, stress, mental health or substance use in 2023/24 – more than double the rate of 4.9 percent in 2016/17
• One in 11 adults (9.1 percent) and 8.2 percent of children aged 2-14 years ate the recommended amount of vegetables
• Fewer than half of adults (46.6 percent) met physical activity guidelines, ie at least 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity activity in the past week – down from 50.9 percent five years ago
• One in three adults (1.5 million) classified as obese, rising to nearly half of those living in the most deprived neighbourhoods
• Nearly half of adults (44.9 percent) reported unmet need for dental care due to cost. Rates were worse for Māori, Pacific, disabled, people living in the most deprived neighbourhoods and those aged 25-54 years
• One in four adults (25.7 percent) and one in five children (18.5 percent) reported that “time taken to get an appointment was too long” as a barrier to visiting the GP in the 12 months prior to the 2023/24 survey. This is higher than the previous year (21.2 percent for adults and 14.8 percent for children). In 2021/22, the figure was 11.6 percent.

This Government’s Austerity Agenda is killing New Zealand economically, culturally and literally.

Using small business morality to pimp for venal corporate profit, selling out the common good for donor interests and using divisive race baiting stunts to eclipse the economic collapse by using culture war revenge fantasies masquerading as social policy to keep everyone divided IS NOT a fucking solution!

WEAKEST POLITICIAN: Chris Luxon 

Luxon became leader of the National Party, not because he was the best, but because Judith Collins threw her support behind him after she smeared Simon Bridges in the last National Party Leadership spill.

Luxon appeals to those who listen to ZB for aspiration, the vain who enjoy the beauty of their own reflection, the intellectually shallow and philosophically callous.

Luxon is the weakest Prime Minister in NZ history who is played weekly by Seymour and Winston. He had to sack Melissa Lee to look butch!

His skill set as a CEO has given him no tools to deal with politicians as strategic and wily as Seymour and Winston, he’s so weak he had to sack Melissa Lee to butch up!

His brand of evangelical religion is Prosperity Theory where Gods blessings mark you as a special child of Christ and to deny those blessings is a sin, so when he gets caught out benefiting from his privilege, he always responds aggressively because those privileges have been given to him by God.

“I’m entitled”.

“I’m rich and I’m sorted”.

“Bottomfeeders”.

Luxon is an unlikable Prime Minister because he is an unlikable person, his sense of privilege and wealth mark him as simply another shallow suit with all the charm of a road accident.

His total lack of self awareness is God given because owning 7 properties makes Jesus love him more. That false confidence is what he shares with born again Simeon Brown.

Unimaginative without any creative sensibilities, Luxon would buy art from the Warehouse and endlessly boast what a good deal he got for $29.95.

Sending his kids to American Education so they don’t have to suffer the gaucheness of his own broad accent in a never ending sweaty clamber of social climbing that is as ugly as it is primal.

Policy is a mere detail for the geeks and engineers to work on and you sense he believed hanging out with the Pilots at AirNZ was him mingling with the working classes.

The vanity of shaving his head daily and his smug self certainty while getting bitchy when Media challenge him marks him as a hollow man that Kiwis would not want to have a beer with because you know he would endlessly remind you how much better his BBQ was than yours.

DUMBEST INTERVIEW: Tory Whanau and Todd Stephenson 

I want to support Māori Women in leadership.

I do!

I want to support more diversity.

I really do!

But sweet Jesus Tory Whanau makes it hard doesn’t she?

I get that she receives a disgusting amount of racism and misogyny, but her own lacklustre performance and support for right wing economic mythology should not inoculate her from self inflicted incompetence.

How the Christ did she manage to turn her recent ZB Interview into a self centred sob story of how tough she’s doing it on $189k AND THEN ADMIT ON Q+A that what she said about selling her car because things were tough on ZB wasn’t actually true in the first place.

WTF?

Luckily for Tory, Steve Braunias interviewed Todd Stephenson.

Comrades, Brothers and Sisters.

I don’t use the term ‘Skull Fuck’ often.

It’s a strong phrase, the literal definition of which requires the insertion of ones penis through a hole in the head to simulate sexual intercourse into warm spongy brain matter.

It’s a terrible term and a yucky mind image.

None of us are better for it as a people, as a species nor as a culture.

However.

Unfortunately for ACT it’s the only way to describe the extraordinary interview between Steve Braunias and ACT’s Arts spokesperson, Todd Stephenson.

And when I say, ‘Skull Fuck’ I mean it as in, ‘Steve Braunias Skull Fucked Todd Stephenson’, I don’t want any misunderstandings…

It took Act’s arts spokesman Todd Stephenson 20 minutes to think of a single New Zealand author and a single New Zealand book. The only artistic experience he could think of is that he went to see Hamiltonin New York. His only press release on the arts has been to issue an empty threat about funding cuts to Creative New Zealand because he was upset Tusiata Avia was awarded the Prime Minister’s Award for Poetry. His central philosophy about government arts funding is the less, the better; he doubted that the majority of New Zealanders want their tax dollar spent on the arts. And yet Stephenson likely earns the basic MP salary, paid for by the taxpayer, of $163,000, in return for a paltry 2807 votes in the Southland electorate.

…it’s the most brutal, most funny take down ever in NZ politics.

It’s so good you deserve to respect it by going to the host site and giving them your clicks.

Read it here

Enjoy a taste from the master that is Steve Braunias…

But you don’t have individual tastes yourself, do you? You’re kind of an arts ignoramus, really, by your own reckoning.

No, I certainly have individual things that I like to go to. We talked about that earlier.

You’ve been to see Hamilton.

Well, I was just giving you an example of the things I like to do.

What are your tastes, other than musicals?

That’s the main one in the creative sector.

Musicals.

And I watch movies. I watch TV.

“I watch TV,” says the Act spokesman for the arts.

Creative things are on TV, are they not, Steve?

Any New Zealand authors come to mind yet? Any? While the interview has progressed, I thought maybe one might have occurred to you.

Well, Alan Duff is probably the last one I would have read.

What book of his did you read?

Everyone has read Once Were Warriors.

Did you read it? Or did you just see the movie?

No, I read it a while ago.

So that’s it. The only New Zealand book you can think of is Once Were Warriors, published in 1985.

I mean, I’m being honest with you, Steve, it’s a portfolio I’m wanting to learn more about. But what are you hoping I will learn from this portfolio? As the literary editor of Newsroom, what are you hoping I will learn from understanding more about this portfolio in the sector?

I don’t know if I’m hoping for anything from you. But a little bit of knowledge and expertise, and enthusiasm for the arts, wouldn’t have gone amiss.

Yeah, and as I said, I’m starting out learning more about the sector. I haven’t got deeply into it.

You’ve spoken to an actor and a couple of other people.

…that’s a taste, it actually gets better and funnier.

It’s not a train wreck, it’s a train full of special needs children smashing into another train full of puppies exploding next to a Kitten pet shop.

Sweet Zombie Jesus it is such an extraordinary exchange that manages to utterly destroy the reputation of a politician with all the nuance of a misfiring suicide vest.

It’s a self mutilation you can’t stop watching because you are laughing so hard.

It’s like Stephenson got his tongue stuck to a icy lamp post and manages to ‘free’ himself by cutting down the lamp post, causing it to land on him and ripping his tongue off.

If you thought Prince Andrew did a bad interview, it ain’t nothing on Todd Stephenson’s.

I actually had to check with someone to make sure this wasn’t satire.

It’s real.

ACT’s agenda is really this awful and Todd is this thick.

Our Arts and Creative sector deserve more than someone who thinks they are an expert because they watched Hamilton FFS.

BIGGEST POLITICAL U-TURN: Judith Collins from praise to silence

When the sinking occurred, we all wanted answers.

How the flying Christ did a $100million Naval vessel hit a reef, abandon ship, catch fire and then bloody sink?

The first press conference had none of those answers.

Judith went on and on about how brave the crew were and how close it was that we nearly lost lives, courage courage courage,  blah blah blah.

We however all wanted to know, “How the flying Christ did a $100million Naval vessel hit a reef, abandon ship, catch fire and then bloody sink”?

We didn’t get that explanation, instead we had Judith furious at sexist commentary on Twitter about the Captain being a diversity hire.

Which is terrible right, but again, ‘how the flying Christ did a $100million Naval vessel hit a reef, abandon ship, catch fire and then bloody sink’?

1/6th of the NZ Naval fleet is on the bottom of the ocean floor, all we get from Judith is lectures on identity?

Well, the report is out now and the jaw dropping incompetence has been laid out in all its brutal detail and Judith ain’t bitching about diversity hires or courageous crews now is she? She’s running for the Hills putting as much distance between herself and the HMNZS Manawanui, which isn’t difficult because it’s under the water.

Salute to our very own Tim Selwyn who was the first to start being critical of the official version of Courage sold to us by Judith, in light of the report now pointing to total incompetence on the Bridge, there has to be some type of legal accountability.

How did no one know how to turn the autopilot off?

I still don’t understand how the hell this happened, but at least we don’t have to put up with Judith whining about sexism and courage.

BIGGEST DICKHEAD: Shane Jones

It’s like Shane Jones has suddenly become all the worst elements of the Tech Bro anti-woke Meme Lord culture war brigade in such a pick me way that it would make your average Incel blush.

Look at this garbage:

…what?

Catastrophic Climate change and radical adaptation is our future, it’s not a green God, it’s basic science! The Daily Costs are getting worse because your Government borrowed $14billion for tax cuts we can’t afford while tilting the entire public service into a profit making user pays model that knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing!

Sobbing snowflakes? You mean Environmentalists who have issues with your donor class mining mates getting everything they want? The issue is your collaboration in taking our resources and hocks them off as cheaply as possible to blokes you have lush lunches with you bloated snowflake!

Do you think ‘stroking’ is a word you should throw around Shane?

And then there is this…

…what the fuck are you on bro?

You’re a bloody Grandfather, not the Godfather you bloated clown!

You are already the running joke for political corruption and here you are pretending to be the GodFather over a donor industry that you have deep connections with?

Are you saying that you are running a Mafia level organised crime racket over the marine industry?

Is that what you are saying?

Shane’s hot mess social media Meme Lording feels like a teenager who suddenly discovers online porn.

Are the ACT Party Social Media team consulting on his Facebook and Twitter accounts?

Who is this garbage appealing to other than Shane’s mangled ego?

This is a Minister inside the Cabinet FFS posting like a sexually frustrated Incel out of his mum’s basement.

WORST POLITICAL CALL OF THE YEAR: Banning Aaron Smale from Parliament

Aaron Smale has been at the forefront of exposing how the Wellington Bureaucracy first enabled the abuse of 250 000 kids and then hid that abuse using appalling legal tactics to silence them and minimise that abuse.

I worked alongside him in 2022 to expose the highest levels of the Wellington Bureaucracy covering up the abuse of children in NZ.

His investigative series on Newsroom highlights the terrible means with which the Wellington Bureaucracy went to hide the abuse of children and then adopted despicable tactics to derail that knowledge getting out and to avoid legal precedence.

The vast, vast, vast amount of Kiwis have no idea whatsoever that the Wellington Bureaucracy hired private detectives to dig dirt on victims of state care abuse to present in Court to discredit the victims so they wouldn’t have to acknowledge the abuse or pay for it.

He was banned from attending the official apology by Speaker Gerry Brownlee because the Prime Minister’s department asked him to be banned because he had apparently been aggressively asking Chris Luxon hard questions about the tactics the state used to destroy victims.

To ban an investigative journalist who has been at the forefront of exploring how culpable the NZ State was for revictimising those they had already abused is a deplorable situation that really speaks to the struggle those who attempt to bring scrutiny to the powerful face.

 

 

DESEVERED MENTIONS:

Chris Penk – Everyone loves the Penk.

Barbara Edmonds – Has become a real powerhouse for Labour.

Chris Hipkins – Managed to hold on for another year.

Kieran McAnulty – He’s really very good.

Dr Duncan Webb – The more I see him the more I like him

Arena Williams – The next leader of the Labour Party

David Parker – His wealth tax is the solution, Labour refusing to allow him a political win is the problem.

Julie Anne Genter – She was right to yell at Matt Doocey in Parliament because Matt was being a dick.

Steve Able – Future leader of the Greens

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