Old Zealand beats New Zealand – Election 2023 Winners, Losers & Predictions

Right.

Now I’ve staggered back from an all consuming wake that became a weekend long bender, let’s surveil the damaged ruins of our new political landscape.

I said it wasn’t over until the fat bloggers sings..

…well, here is me singing!

The electorate has spoken, and apparently it has said, ‘This potato headed meat sack is our new Prime Minister and we all lose’!

First up, this election wasn’t won, it was bought!

How much per vote

Act: $20.90

National: $9.34

NZ First: $6.91

Green: $5.62

Labour: $1.79

Te Pāti Māori: $1.69

The knee jerk bullshit policy alongside counterproductive punitive measures alongside Real Estate Lobbyist wet dreams have all combined to vandalise our Egalitarian State!

We are collectively a far worse country for this outcome!

I’m not pissed off National won, that’s democracy, what I’m pissed off by is that they won with such vapid and venal policy.

National will rob 2 year olds, mutilate public transport and literally steal from climate change funds to pay 3000 rich landlords the full $250 per fortnight tax cut funded by a magical foreign buyers tax that will never ever produce the revenue the Property Lobbyists who wrote National’s policy are pretending it will.

The reason why this mutilation has won? Because the electorate hated Labour so much.

That voters didn’t care National, ACT and NZ First would unleash madness highlights how much voters were burnt by Covid lockdowns and Labour’s grotesque incrementalism.

Add into that one of the worst campaigns by Chippy ever and Labour have been destroyed this election.

With the specials always leaning left and the Māori Party possibly creating an overhang, National and ACT will gloriously be forced into Government with Winston.

Bhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha!

Rat. Fucked.

We have just elected a Government of antivaxx quacks, anti-indigenous Māori racists and climate deniers who will do the bidding of the Real Estate Pimps, Trucking Industry, the Corporate Farmers, the Banks and the Gambling Industry FFS!

If you thought Labour were bad, after 3 years of this National/ACT/NZ First nightmare, you will be screaming for Covid to make a come back!

There are of course after an election some political Winners and Losers…

 

WINNERS:

Real Estate Pimps – The lobbyists who wrote National’s property policy are all having drug fuelled orgies in celebration of this devastating win for Landlords and obscene inequality. The Real Estate Pimps paid $2million in donations to the political right to remove the Foreign Buyers Ban, give Landlords massive tax loopholes that’ll benefit mega landlords to the tune of hundreds of millions and give Landlords the right to evict, and what a pay day the Real Estate Pimps have gained! The trick of announcing National were removing the Foreign Buyers Ban and selling that grotesque manipulation as a revenue source rather than locking another generation out from home ownership is the greatest lie ever perpetrated on the people of Aotearoa, and the sleepy hobbits of muddle NuZilind swallowed it hook, line and sinker because of WEF Jabcinda and the Plandemic! The Real Estate Pimps are the true winners of this Election and using Paula Bennet as their proxy in the mainstream media was a stroke of genius.

Māori Party – The backlash to this being the most racist election ever held generated an enormous drive within Māoridom to step up for themselves. Nanaia being beaten by a 21 year old highlights the power of demographics that now rule Māori politics. 70% of Māoridom are under the age of 40 and they won’t put up with the Right using them as a political punching bag any longer. When ACT start their racist race war inducing referendum, the resistance will be based from these Māori electorates and will generate immediate friction to any referendum.

 

Naked white fragility racism – Never before have so many fragile white egos all risen at once to scream, ‘but what about cracker’ quite like this election. Because Labour are cowards, they never explained what the fuck 3 Waters or Co-Governance was and on the odd occasion they did try to explain it, like the fishhook laden 3 Waters and the ludicrous Tamati Coffee induced attempt to weight votes more to Māori, it only fuelled white fragility fears even more. Because Labour wouldn’t engage, Astroturf dark money filled the void and convinced white voters that this was an existential race war secretly developed by Radical Nationalist Māori to steal da water when it was nothing of the sort. As raw sewage pumps into Auckland Harbour and water contamination rises with 70% of rivers unswimmable, watching fragile white egos forced to boil their water before they can drink it after muttering ‘but He Puapua is apartheid’  seems a perfectly acceptable outcome.

 

Brooke Van Veldon – As a 30 year old, Brooke is the only woman in NZ who dresses like she’s 53! Brooke’s wardrobe will receive the pension before she does, which is probably why ACT are so keen to push Super up to 67! Surprise win for Brooke in Tamaki, and I say surprise because after the debate we held in Tamaki, I thought Simon O’Conner would win. There’s an odd glow that comes to Brooke’s eyes when she talks about the State standing over poor people and telling them how to live, like the way Gollum speaks about his precious. During the debate, Brooke almost seemed aroused by the idea of slashing 15000 Government jobs where as O’Connor took a far more dignified and compassionate approach by calling for no slash and burn. Unfortunately this is Tamaki, which is Maori for, ‘Angry White Rich people living near the beach’, and anything less than the sacking of all public servants and sowing salt in their gardens is unacceptable. Look out poor people, Brooke is here to smother you to death in her off pink robe. No seriously. She is. RUN!

 

Privatisation Agenda – Alongside the Real Estate Pimps, every consultant wanting less regulation and more juicy public private contracts are rejoicing at this win. We can already see anyone who donated to National are now in a conga line for a tsunami of crony capitalism the likes of which we’ve never seen before.

…National’s conflicts of interest are about to make all Labour’s collective sins look like child’s play. We will yearn for the day Stuart Nash sent Cabinet briefings as the highest point of ethical standards in comparison.

 

Corporate Farmers – The corporate farmers win again! After rigging the entire political system to empower them and their profit margins no matter the cost to our environment or  geopolitical safety, the corporate farmers have managed to put off doing anything meaningful on emissions for another fucking 5 years! When you consider Helen Clark first called for emission reductions in 2003,  Corporate Farmers have managed to prevent any changes for 25 years now! That is an incredible feat of political manipulation and fuckwittery. All hail the Golden Cow we slavishly worship in NZ! Remember, whatever the problem, the NZ solution is MORE COWS!

 

CTUs Craig Renney – Where the fuck has this CTU been? Since the passing of Helen Kelly the CTU has drifted without any real purpose or direction as woke identity politics seemed to become more important to the Wellington clique than you know, worker rights. The breath of fresh air CTU Economist Craig Renney injected in the last month of the election with research that undermined the economic credibility of National’s deeply flawed tax policy was what the Left should have been doing for the last 3 years! The Left have walked away from economics and focused on the low hanging fruit of identity politics which only divides using pure temple politics rather than Broadchurch Solidarity. The common ground between people is their class, not their identity and Craig Renney is the blueprint for how the Left wins in 2026.

 

Bank Oligopoly and Supermarket Duopoly – The powerful who shape our under regulated capitalism are safe because National builds monopolies, they don’t break them. ACT and National want to gut MBIE who are the only Department that polices our under regulated capitalism so the rich win. Again.

 

Steve Able & Efeso Collins – One of the few wins was the election of former Greenpeace Activist Steve Able and People’s Hero Efeso Collins. Both will bring an activism and dynamism desperately needed in the 3 year resistance to the right wing onslaught we are about to face.

 

Chris Penk – There is no reason why Chris Penk is in this list, but you can’t have a list of winners without The Penky! Deserves a Cabinet position as the only National Party MP with more charm than a road accident.

 

Jacinda – It was weird that while Covid shaped everything, we refused to talk about it like it was a taboo trauma. So much bitterness towards a shared universal experience was always going to cause cultural and political backlash. For many their Covid sacrifice was unequal in an unequal society and for those who made anti-vixx and anti-mandate their identity it created an ostracisation they had never encountered and warped them with terminal resentment forever. How else can you explain the existence of The Platform?  As the election closed, research was released showing Jacinda’s leadership in her Covid response saved 20 000 lives! Labour were ready to fight the Covid War but lost the Covid Peace.That research was a reminder in the dying days of the campaign that Jacinda’s courage will be noted by the historians even as those who benefited rebelled against her. Pity she did nothing with the unprecedented MMP majority and reverted to incrementalism instead of true transformative change.

 

LOSERS:

Chippy – You sausage roll eating muppet! ‘Captain’s call????’, and who were you the Captain of Chippy? The Fucking Titanic! Every single step in the campaign Chippy fucked up because he was cut from the exact same timid incrementalism Jacinda was locked into. When the GST off fresh Fruit and Vegetables was leaked, Chippy had a chance to save this insipid meaningless policy by extending it to ALL Supermarket bought food, but he didn’t because he was too weak. He killed the bloody Wealth Tax, something that would have been funded by the mega wealthy to give every Kiwi their first $10 000 tax free, but he refused to do it because he’s weak. Chippy should step down immediately as Leader, his never ending feckless missteps cost Labour the election. What the fuck was the point of Bread and Butter politics if no one could afford the Bread and Butter? I don’t want to see another fucking sausage roll for the rest of the year!

 

Labour – Look, I’m not saying there wen’t some gains over the last 6 years: Free school lunches, trust tax, new top income rate, free prescriptions, most state houses in 50 years, record investment in housing, healthcare and investment, regulate property managers, clean car discount, apprenticeship scheme, benefits to wages, FPAs – all great first steps, but after 6 years of ‘first good steps’, you realised you were just jogging on the spot! We were promised transformative, what we got was less left wing than the British Tory Party! Labour are over run by the Professional Managerial Class, they see the solution is better bureaucratic structures rather than an upgrade of the Capacity of the State and so spent 6 years recreating bureaucratic structures without the necessary upgrade of capacity. Labour refused to explain what the hell 3 Waters or Co-governance meant because Jacinda hated conflict (her Cabinet meetings were nicknamed ‘The Good Ship Lollypop’ because she wouldn’t tolerate any negativity) and wouldn’t engage on co-governance or 3 Waters which allowed astroturf dark money to take over the debate and manufacture it into an existential race issue. Fundamentally Labour needed to tax the rich to pay for the social infrastructure we needed, but because Labour at heart are intellectual cowards, they refused to engage in that, which left voters asking, ‘why bother voting for Labour’. Why indeed. Labour face oblivion, will probably gain 2 MPs from the Specials so will limp home with 28% or 29%.

 

Greens – Will do far better from the Specials and picked up two new electorates because the woke like to live together. So on paper a great night, but they are now totally impotent with Labour out of power. The worst mistake the Greens could make now is to misconstrue this result as proof positive their alienating woke middle class dogma was somehow successful, it wasn’t. Greens only gained because Labour were so spineless. The Greens need to step back and consider the future because resistance to what National/ACT/NZF are about to attempt will be desperately required. It is obvious Chloe is the future leader and that transition should occur after the Summer.

 

National – Ran possibly the worst election strategy in history. Refused to rule Winston out, then ruled Winston him in, then begged the electorate to not make National work with Winston.  Pushed a policy platform of spite and created fake Foreign Buyers Tax revenue to magically gloss over their tax policy. Luxon is thick as two planks and sold deodorant and left Air NZ with $3billion in debt. If there is a God, he will leave National with no option other than working with Winston who will promptly kill lifting their Foreign Buyers ban.

 

ACT – Started out with so much promise by using the culture war ammunition the woke middle class activists generated and leveraged the resentment against Labour, but the naked extremism of ACT and what they intended to do scared voters once they got over their blind anger towards Labour. ACTs extremist policy agenda spooked voters and left ACT with gun lobby fetishists and Treaty race baiting. We all wait to see if ACTs race war generating racist referendum will be allowed past Winston after the Specials.

 

Chris Bishop – Did Captain Grumpy Pants have a break down?

Bishop acted like a teenage tantrum for most of National’s disastrous campaign, and kept attacking things like a dog chasing parked cars. For a 40 year old, his gaunt bitter appearance has aged him, I can’t work out if it’s nicotine or being in the National Party.

 

Simeon Brown – The more I see of Simeon Brown, the more I despise him.

…Simeon gets sadistic kicks out of race baiting about da gangs da gangs as if he’s some tough guy. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he was caught with a huge number of unexplained children’s shoes under his house.

 

Climate Change – National/ACT/NZ First are a climate denial Government who will do all they can to allow polluters to do what they want to keep profiting from their pollution. The planet will burn while Luxon makes loves to a cow, the planet will boil while David Seymour decries climate alarmism and the planet will melt as Winston mumbles about gambling and cigarette taxes.

We are fucked on the climate change front for a full 3 years until these lunatics get thrown out.

 

Beneficiaries – No one ever lost votes bashing beneficiaries and when National wasn’t blowing the real estate industry, they were bashing beneficiaries. All the punitive measures about to be launched against our sickest and weakest will be the blueprint adopted to privatise welfare. Outside agencies will be paid a bonus when shifting beneficiaries off the list and that can be done two ways, 1) if you find them a job or 2) – you cut them off for some bullshit infraction on their ridiculous work ready conditions. Expect an enormous suffering to come out of this.

Drug addicts and disabled – Not content to bash beneficiaries, ACT wanted to target drug addicts and the disabled as well and have promised terrible retribution for their ‘welfare fraud’. White collar criminals who take billions each year however will receive a free pass.

 

Home Ownership – Already at the lowest level in 70 years, National’s removal of the Foreign Buyers Ban will lock out another generation from home ownership as the speculators rush back into the market.

 

Woke Middle Class Identity Activists – After handing so much culture war ammunition to the Right, our woke middle class identity activists literally drove male voters into the arms of the political right. In woke Wellington world, ALL white men are irredeemable cross burning racists, B-E-L-I-E-V-E ALL women that ALL men are rapists and anyone defending free speech is a uniform wearing Nazi who hates the trans community. Turns out that identity politics mentality alienates rather than brings together. ‘Pure Trans Joy’ probably helped cost us the election.

 

Prisoners – Are about to have their underfunded, corrupt and violent prisons jammed full to the point of prison riot with zero rehabilitation whatsoever. Expect ACT to call for private prisons.

 

Race Relations –  The manner in which NZF, ACT and National have race baited this election will cause wounds that will not heal over their 3 years in office. ACT have made it clear their racist referendum to redefine the Treaty and force it upon Māori is a bottom line. National will pass their gang patch law (that will target Māori more) and NZ First intends to make all domestic gangs terrorist organisations. Māori have been punching bags once more and the deep fury at how ACT, National and NZF have been allowed to race bait without condemnation has lit a fuse. This country will become ungovernable if National + ACT + NZF push this referendum.

 

Public Services – When Winston kills off National’s lifting of the foreign buyers ban, National’s entire economic house of cards collapses requiring mass public service cut backs, which will be funny because even if Winston greens lights it, it can never raise enough revenue to prevent National from slashing public services.

Public Transport – National will mutilate public transport just as oil prices are about to skyrocket due to the looming war in the Middle East.

Workers – Bosses to gain back the right to fire and scrap the Fair Pay Agreements which were the most substantial workers rights legislation passed in the last 40 years.

Renters – Landlords to gain the right to evict, social housing builds will stop and Landlords will gain enormous powers as rental regulations are all rolled back.

 

The Spinoff – NZ On Air has given The Spinoff $6.1 million while the Left have been in power so that the woke feel loved. While we all desperately want a new Trans Decolonizing Feminist Podcast hosted by Mummy Bloggers, whoever the new Broadcasting Minister is can’t seriously believe this is money well spent. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, The Working Group, NZ’s best weekly political podcast NOT funded by NZ on Air might finally, FINALLY be able to get one red cent out of them!

 

 

 

PREDICTIONS:

Specials + Overhang – 20% of the votes are Special and will be the largest amount in NZ political history. They overwhelmingly go Left so Labour, Greens and Māori Party will do well. Labour will pick up more and turn some electorate seats, Greens will go up, National will lose two and the Māori Party may win another electorate and generate an overhang forcing National and ACT to form a coalition with NZ First. If there is a God, ACT and National deserve Winston.

Gang Tangi Shoot Out – National have pledged to pass their stupid gang patch law in the first 100 days meaning the first Gang tangi held after that in Summer 2024 will have all eyes on Luxon to demand Police enter the tangi and remove those patches, the way he did during his Paddy Gower debate. The resulting police shoot out at a funeral will generate negative global media attention, which won’t help with our tourism brand. If NZ First manages to designate gangs as Terrorist Group expect the shootings to start earlier.

Prison Riot – The prison system is already near riot conditions due to severe understaffing and over crowding, dumping another 2000 prisoners into the system will push it over the top.

Rates rise before Christmas – Inflation is still burning and the geopolitical tensions about to explode in the Middle East will force another OCR before Christmas ruining many first time home buyers New Years. The squeezed middle will scream at National to do something.

Gaza – The looming war crimes about to be committed by the IDF will spark a revolt in the West Bank and invasion by Hizbollah which will generate an American response, which will generate an Iranian response which will generate an Israeli response which will generate a Russian response which will generate another American response. The new Government will have to deal with the evolving meltdown with nuance and justice. Unfortunately a National/ACT/NZF Government will have no concept of nuance and justice.

Entire National Party Economic Policy vetoed by NZ First, spark second election – National’s entire economic house of cards is based on lifting the foreign buyers ban which Winston is diametrically opposed to. Winston could slash his own throat by selling out and allowing foreign speculators to manipulate our domestic real estate market again, or he will say no. If he says no, National’s entire economic model falls to pieces and all those Real Estate Pimps who funded the Rights campaign will be incandescent with rage.

If Winston refuses to budge, National and ACT will blame NZ First and demand a second election. Everything for National rests on lifting the foreign buyers ban, and if Winston won’t budge they have no choice but a second election.

That’s how powerful the Real Estate Pimps have now become politically in NZ.

 

 

CONCLUSION:

New Zealand – Ultimately the biggest losers are New Zealand. NONE of ACT’s, Nationals or NZ First policy will provide well thought out consequences.

This wasn’t an election, it was a grudge fuck!

With a 78.4% turnout, so it was lower than 2017 when Labour barely won.

That’s over a million who could have voted but didn’t.

That’s a heavy rejection of the options presented.

An embittered and angry electorate wanted to hurt Labour and voted accordingly, Labour didn’t help by being hopelessly incompetent.  The poorest amongst us will fund a tax cut to rich landlords while the most vulnerable from beneficiaries, state house tenants, prisoners, drug addicts, the working classes and the disabled are all going to face insufferable and punitive sanctions.

A National/ACT/NZ First Government will only serve to compound counter productive policy that will deform, punish and mutate those stereotypes the Right despise and used to whip up the worst angels of our nature.

We are a poorer people for this change.

The Left needs a good hard long look at themselves.

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