GUEST BLOG: Gerard Otto – Audrey Egg Foo Young

You may have been forgiven for thinking Audrey had nothing at all to say about the terrible events recently, because she seems to have skipped over these matters.

Instead Audrey surfaced today to attempt to establish that Winston has always nodded off.

Her evidence for this was National Party MPs joked about it to her ..all of who remained nameless …which essentially boils down to …it’s a pack of lies.

And it’s so trivial.

This is what she wrote :

“Winston Peters turns 74 next month and if his office hasn’t yet decided what to get him as birthday gift, it needs look no further than the local pet shop.

It should have a shock collar and remote control that might assist the Foreign Minister in carrying out his duties, after three occasions in the past few weeks in which he was seen in a state of deep contemplation.”

Good grief.

We’ve all seen the same shots of Simon Bridges with his eyes closed but Audrey has a soft spot for Simon and would never run down a mate from her family party.

Not like she does Winston.

These NZ Herald opinion writers are hard to like at all, the way they carry on.

It’s so petty and so unnecessary and bollocks to boot.

Have these people nothing better to do?

Barry Soper wrote a whole article about the topic of Winston nodding off earlier this week and now Audrey is picking over the bones of the same stupid story – when there are better things to write about – like the history of racism in New Zealand for example.

We could learn something …but no.

Consider this about their dumb game.

If Winston had nodded off constantly over the past few years we’d all know about it by now wouldn’t we?

It’s not the sort of thing that would have gone by without this sort of carry on from the performing apes leaping up and down and waving their arms around.

Instead there was nothing reported about this matter because it’s not very usual – and indeed most of us did some deep contemplating over the past couple of weeks anyway.

I know I did.

There is far more evidence that Audrey is missing in action when ever Jacinda Ardern shines on the world stage – than of Winston nodding off.

Audrey was absent last year when Jacinda was dazzling New York.

Nobody could find Audrey for that whole week.

Where did she get to?

Audrey was absent about Jacinda’s stand up performance at Davos.

They seek her here, there seek her there, they seek her everywhere.

But no, she was nowhere.

Audrey was absent regarding this latest dignified and respectful handling of a terribly sad tragedy for the whole nation by PM Jacinda Ardern.

Where the hell was she?

Audrey was absent for ten days when National were in trouble over that $120 Million meth scam.

You know the one where Labour sorted it out in a few months after National buggered around for years – not knowing the difference between a meth lab and a meth smoker.

She had nothing to say about those epic cock ups by National.

But she has plenty to say about Winston closing his eyes for a few minutes.

Yes Egg Foo Young had found her voice again.

The most stupid version of this sort of nonsense from our senior journalists was that whole bollocks about Jacinda and China and how Winston’s speech was to blame for a relationship breakdown that did not exist.

Audrey started clucking about this late last year, and so did Fran and so did Patrick Smellie….but they were all wrong together in a little propaganda knitting circle.

All their reasoning ended up being nonsense and in summary none of them have set the record straight since.

In fact they try to legitimise their debunked theories.

None of them have written how Chinese officials contradicted them 100%.

Yes they are too afraid to quote the official Chinese comments made about their mindless speculations.

None of them have written how Air New Zealand contradicted them and turned back a flight because of a mistake they made.

Air New Zealand made a boo boo.

You can’t use that as evidence of a diplomatic relationship breakdown, it’s airport procedure.

Unless you are Egg Foo Young.

None of them have written how the GCSB contradicted them.

The decision over Spark was just an initial one.

Egg Egg Egg Foo Young.

But they all mentioned how the decision may have upset things.

But it didn’t.

None of them have written how the only blockage on a Chinese wharf was related to a staged load of bollocks from Peter Goodfellow.

National party President. Hallo Egg Foo Young?

So they leave that out.

None of them have accepted that there actually was a scheduling difficulty and how Tourism events do get delayed from time to time…but are now proceeding.

Yes now proceeding, Egg Foo Young.

The Government tried to tell Egg Foo Young over and over that she was actually potentially causing issues for our exporters by barking madly at thin air in desperate political game playing which was utterly disgraceful.

But Egg Foo Young was defiant.

Now Jacinda is off to China.

But only for a day.

Which means Egg Foo Young will now miss out on her big planned junket, reporting on the menu and who sits next to who.

It’s back to her smelly old desk for Egg Foo Young.

Meanwhile Winston gets to fly all over the place.

Reason enough for the grounded press to express the politics of envy.