Won’t someone think of the cows? Every Calf is Sacred!

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National Party Caucus Meeting

Right wing climate deniers, Boomers who don’t like being told they’ve contributed in any way shape or form to the current climate catastrophes and those who profit from cow pollution will scream climate change is a socialist hoax and that’s why not one precious cow life will be culled ever because every calf is scared!

Cue Monty Python.

Every Sperm is Sacred Ensemble

Won’t some one think of the Cows?

Sure John Key sold 49% of our Hydro Assets to create a $400million irrigation slush fund that was used to intensify dairy farming while polluting our water and generating climate changing gasses, but fuck that – MORE COWS!

We pay a price for NZ dairy and NZ meat that is set by an international market, so we are competing with the 400million others wanting that product but fuck that – MORE COWS!

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A cow shits the same as 14 humans, we have 10 million cows, that’s the equivalent of 140million humans pissing and shitting into our rivers, but fuck that – MORE COWS!

The quisling corporate farmers claim they are generating jobs, yet they import cheap foreign labour to do those jobs, but hey – who cares? MORE COWS!

Farmers are 1.16% of the population, represent 5.5% of GDP, make 48% of greenhouse gas emissions and create 70% of NZ’s contribution to global warming yet they are able to run roughshod over any legislative reigning in because the have such enormous political and economic power!

SO! FUCKING! WHAT!

MORE!!!!!!!! COWS!!!!!!!!!!

As the reality of the climate change the polluter profiteers have denied was ever occurring in the first place starts to dawn, all focus now turns to adaptation rather than mitigation so we can have MORE COWS!

I propose that New Zealand urgently spends $1Trillion dollars into research and development so that golden Cows can float in the sky with massive golden flying paddocks so as to never be drowned by the floods their farts create!

Whatever the problem is sleepy hobbits, MORE COWS! is always the solution.

Cow Udder Alles!

Whatever the question is, the answer is always more cows.

Stay classy Aotearoa.

 

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28 COMMENTS

    • People farming is certainly the most profitable business in New Zealand, and farming Farmers is one of the more profitable crops.

      • @ M.R. You’re correct. So strike. All you have to do is to do nothing for, say, a year.
        Agriculturally speaking, overproduction puts soils under irreparable pressure and the run-off from which then damages the natural water ways. Artificial fertilisers damage the soil biome so that must stop also.
        But who’s responsible for that? Do farmers want to shit in their own nest, do farmers knowingly damage the very thing that sustains them or is there something else putting pressure on farmers. Who’s boot’s on the farmers neck?
        That’s correct. The banks. Four foreign owned banks put enormous pressure on everyone but particularly on farmers. So is driving tractors slowly going to fix things? No. Is begging going to get results? No. But strike, and see the shit hit the fan. Do nothing for a year. That’s all you need to do Farmers. Do nothing.
        No meat, no wool, no dairy, no vegetables, no fruits, no money for your abusers.
        There was a farmers union once but that morphed into a dickless whine club of biscuit nibblers aka Federated Farmers and they, in turn sold us out to the national party. Think about it? if roger douglas and ACT by extension can hide within Labour to wreck terrible damage spanning 39 years then surely you must see how easy it was for the national party to lay down a pretense that they were the Famahs Paaty Dahlings.
        City people. We farmers understand that you’re not the enemy. You’re just as much victims to an inbred and corrupt system of narcissistic sociopaths with the smell of other people’s money on their breaths as we farmers are. That whole driving tractors thing through cities and towns? That’s a divisive tactic to make sure the abrasions that causes rubs us up against one another. City people and country people are interdependent, surely that’s obvious? So strike along side farmers? Drive the banks out. We don’t need them. And those now nine multi billionaires? How about a wee audit by independent forensic accountants, aye Boys?

  1. Very interesting article, although it was interrupted by an advert selling grain products to who I would hazard to guess be mainly dairy farmers.

  2. Dairy farms, ranches and hotels — the only economic ideas anybody in Parliament apparently has. In other words, a Third World backwater economy!

    It amazes me that there weren’t riots in the streets years ago over such an outrageous regression into backwardness.

    However, we now have two generations of people who have only ever known a country in rapid decline. Nobody bothered to tell these people what was looted in the 1980s, and how much of their earnings and job stability was taken away from them.

    The charade relies on selling the lie that anything other than low-paid, low value-added jobs is ‘impossible’. Except if you actually know that the near-opposite existed not long ago, the lie quickly turns to dust.

    Of course, wanting to live in an advanced industrialised nation doesn’t mean you have to be anti-farmer. Labour used to be the friend of the farmer — they should be building schemes to ensure pollution costs won’t end up bankrupting the sector.

    • True Snow White but of course every time the ground is cultivated 4.5 Tonnes of carbon per Hectare is released not counting the diesel and pollution from the harvesting and the huge amount of water and fertiliser required. I’m a retired farmer and have nothing against arable farming but if we’re going to tell stories lets tell the whole story and not the bigoted BS we are constantly fed.

      • new+view. Point taken… Piers Plowman might have done it differently though, he did quite a lot differently… the tiller in The Fall of Icarus…

  3. a country that grows enough food for 40 million can’t provide resonably priced food for 5million kiwis…..now that’s free markets and lack of regulation in action….enjoy

  4. Every human on planet Earth breathes out 1kg of carbon pollution every day. That’s 7 billion kilos of carbon pollution every day, pouring into the atmosphere like an open sewer

    Just from breathing

  5. “Farmers are 1.16% of the population, represent 5.5% of GDP, make 48% of greenhouse gas emissions and create 70% of NZ’s contribution to global warming yet they are able to run roughshod over any legislative reigning in because the have such enormous political and economic power!”

    The significant stats missed here are dairy 25% of overseas income and all primary produce 65% of overseas income. This has been the dominant economic problem for this nation since the UK joined the EU almost 60 years ago. The country may have eventually developed a reasonable amount of export manufactures from the local manufacturing base if it had stuck to the plan but Roger Douglas destroyed it, to swap out for The Warehouse full of China stuff. The great tourism plan has seen income for overseas owned airlines and hotels minimal waged kiwi workers and a massive demand for immigrant hospo staff. The asian education plan has seen an influx of lying fake foreign students coming here for a better whole life in the bottle stores and petrol stations not a better education and return to their own societies. So until someone comes up with a better plan then its more cows! Oh there is one other current plan, plant all the farmland in pine forest and don’t cut down the timber all for financial market carbon credits and destroy all the farming and forestry and primary processing industry jobs and those communities. The country needs some new bigger better varied income sources then may be less cows.

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