Passion of the Luxon: After 40 days and 40 nights wandering in the wilderness – We have an Axis of Dicks


‘Thank you for your patience’: Christopher Luxon to reveal new government on Friday

The National, ACT and NZ First parties will on Friday sign their coalition pact, revealing the government’s three-year work program and who holds key roles including deputy prime minister, and ending nearly six weeks of political limbo.

Christopher Luxon, David Seymour and Winston Peters walk into a bar.

The Barman looks up and says, “What its this? A joke?”

After 40 days and 40 nights wandering in the wilderness, the most awkward political threesome in NZ has finally managed to finalise their pissing competition to sign a coalition Government deal.

Gerry Brownlee on Tuesday nights The Working Group said the first backlash to the new Government will be to all the policy they intend to kill off, something most political journalists didn’t seem to notice him saying so expect a razing to start with.

Like his hero Jesus, Luxon has allowed himself to be ritualistically humiliated and crucified by Winston so that he could return after 3 days to form a Government.

Even as this cursed deal gets signed, we’ve already seen what they are and we’ve seen our political stability drop suddenly…

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Coalition talks: New Zealand’s political stability lowest since financial crisis

Long coalition negotiations from the new Government have seen a major economics consultancy downgrade its perception of New Zealand’s political stability to its lowest rating in more than a decade.

BMI, which is owned by the Fitch Group, one of the three big ratings agencies, docked a couple of points from New Zealand’s score in its Short-Term Political Risk Index (STPRI), which measures a country’s political stability.

The accompanying report said New Zealand’s score had decreased to 78.5 out of 100, down from 79.4 – the lowest score the country has received since 2010. A lower score implies greater political risk.

…totally on the cards for ACT to pull out of supply and confidence agreements and force a snap election the millisecond NZ First drops far enough below the 5% to eliminate Winston altogether.

Luxon was supposed to be the great deal maker. The internal rage within National’s High Command at how he has mishandled the entire negotiation process has opened enormous private concerns about his ability to do the job, indeed the only reason Winston and David are 100% certain they are signing up to this is because they’ve witnessed Luxon’s incompetence first hand and know they can run rings around him and get more by exploiting him than they ever dreamed possible.

If this Government were a fable, it would be a scorpion riding on a fox’s face sitting in the open jaws of a great white shark.

If you think this arranged marriage of inconvenience can last 3 years, you also believe in National’s rock solid foreign buyers tax revenue numbers and think climate change is a hoax!

Luxon claimed Māori, Labour and Greens were the ‘coalition of chaos’, well, here’s their  ‘Axis of Dicks’.

This Government has formed because the election was a grudge fuck against Labour, all that binds them is a shared glee to beat the bejesus out of beneficiaries, prisoners and gang members. This is the worst of us as a country congealed in a venal self interest that would make your average drug cartel blush.

They will be a dreadful Government for a dreadful people.

This is what we is now. This is us.

God defend NZ, because the voters sure as fuck didn’t.

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    • Just a bit over average I believe so not a huge delay. Par for the course given the complexity of a three way coalition. Can it all hold together is the next question.

    • Rest ssured it will not be abolished which is good . Another day off of less significance may be stopped but I doubt it . We all like days off .

    • Mike Horse Kings “ Matariki being abolished”? Now you’re getting down to the nitty-gritty. Don’t worry, kids will still being told that they can choose their gender at school and parents thinking otherwise liable to imprisonment, the WHO will make Ardern and that Ashley bloke look like wimps and anarchy reign in the supermarkets, unless Peters can change water into wine, which is quite a hard act to follow. That 40 days and nights segued into a crucifixion, but another election would be cheaper, a little less bloody.

    • Matariki won’t be abolished cause the new PM does not have the balls to drop it, you watch and see the time taken to get a government is not a good look and does not bode well when we have to deal with controversial issues.

      • C o p On the contrary, taking time to dialogue may bode better than being too hasty, regardless of whatever ambulance-chasing media may think. Luxon has done well surviving interacting with Seymour, and Peters even better, dealing with both of them.

        • don’t really understand the hate for matariki I’m not maori so it’s just another day for me but hey ho whatever….is the hatred the non existant rightwing culture war or just good old fashioned race hate?

          • Pleasurable winter celebrations like Hogmanay, Christmas in Budapest, or the Brits burning Guy Fawkes, evolve naturally over time, and are not manufactured by govt decree to fit pc revisionist history. But here, Seymour in particular, doesn’t seem to like the poor and downtrodden having paid holidays at all. He wants to abolish the holiday after New Year’s day too, and looks pathologically lacking in any sort of joie de vivre, like some repressed medieval screwball. He has dreadful taste in furniture too, and a weird smile.

  1. No, the voters did not “defend NZ”–it has been a phenomenon for decades in parliamentary democracies in the neo liberal era that people regularly vote on “feels” and against their own material best interests!

    Once some of the numpties and graspers and Jacinda haters realise that the three clowns are not going to smash the supermarket duopoly, rebuild the storm ravaged roads, lower petrol prices, keep free prescriptions, but are going to: union bust, freeze minimum wage and claw back a whole lot of Labour’s incremental reforms–such as the fucking winter energy payment for pensioners! they may reflect on what they have done.

    Unions, NGOs and communities need to organise and fight back against the three clowns legislative repeal programme with direct action.

  2. Global GDP growth has been going in the wrong direction since the 70’s. (despite the rise of the BRICS) Cheap energy is done and there are no rabbits in the hat (apart from war). NZ should be insulating itself from economic hegemony and trade standovers. Big government will need radical decentralization to encompass a Deep Economy or Steady State Economy.

    These BAU clowns have no idea.

    • It’s funny really. Looking at those 3 misfits and how seriously they take themselves and their futile agreements.
      You are exactly right dr.doom, that world they dream of, has gone and they can’t see it. So much for their negotiating skills and parliamentary experience and go-get-’em stance.
      It’s going to need a lot more than what they can offer, to keep the country and the world ticking along while not using resources which pollute and/or aren’t sustainable. It needs imagination and vision not cowardice and fear of losing power. They have no intention of doing what’s right and best for NZders.
      You have to laugh, or you’d cry. No, you’re right, it’s bloody depressing.

  3. Winston made a very sad scene during the troika’s announcement of their rapprochment.
    Weary and worn in the battle of life, Tom (Tired Old Man), aka 6 percenter Winsome, wiped his tired eyes a few times, tried to stifle yawns, suffered a smoker’s coughing-fit and got very grumpy with the journos ….. for goodness sake Winnie, you got what you wanted (a very expensive but useless Covid enquiry. What’s to enquire about? -the world looked on A/NZ with envy for our success in coping with Covid) to satisfy his small coterie of antivaxxer voters et al, and got the co-deputy PM (despite he and Seymour despising and ridiculing co-governance.
    What an embarrassing performance!
    Thanks god it will only last three years – if that!

    • Verity Verdant. They’ve only just begun, and your trashing of elder statesman Peters may be a tad premature. Luxon is lucky to have him on board, and he knows it. First experienced foreign minister for yonks. If this government can make good on Peters’, and allegedly the Nat’s, undertakings to address the pernicious, damaging and confusing transgender ideology now part of the state school curriculum, then our children will be lucky too. If Seymour wants to slash government departments, that mightn’t be such a bad place to start. Peters has also undertaken to address the sneaky surrendering of our sovereignty to the non-elected WHO, and we are by no means the only country concerned about these sort of global power scenarios. I suggest that a supposed smoker’s cough, yawn stifling, and not cosying up to journos, are rather small fry in the big picture.

    • Verity I thought Peters came across like he absolutely cracks himself up. You say ‘Tom’ I say ‘Doc ( difficult old c**t) Peters

    • Wishful thinking VV. I don’t think the electorate will trust LINO again in the near future, after the previous government’s demonstration of the Midas touch in reverse.

    • Verity V. Key and English slithering around in the background should be of greater concern than the leader of New Zealand First, IMO.

  4. splitting the deputy pm lollies is gonna work well as both want the benefits and neither are up to the job…..coilition of chaos HUZZAH

  5. $6million a year for Mike Kings young persons mental health charity.
    The same person/charity that Labour ignored and gave fuck all to!
    Yes, this govt is going to be all bad!
    I will agree though Martyn, you were fighting in Mike’s corner on the Labour snub on his good work.

  6. Back to the future in no uncertain terms. People will soon see the 3 marauders for what they are. All their regressive policies are because of a handful of NZ first votes who think they have the right to f**k us all over for their own personal ideologies. If anyone thinks the 3 horsemen of the acropolis are any good for NZ wait until the first crisis, will they toss a coin, will they argue who speaks first, if its Winston Peters turn will he actually speak to his despised media. As much as people hated the Labour party when they see what’s in store look out , 3 men at the helm speaks volumes about a country now focused on destruction of both health (smoke free law) race relations with TOW and climate change ( it doesn’t exist). I am crying inside that a small group of voters are now speaking for me and policies of hate and division will be thrust upon us all.

    • The smaller group of voters didn’t get their way, the larger group did, that’s the system called democracy* Queeny

      * not that it really but NZ’s rampant apathy means it’s as close as we’ll probably ever get.

      • The largest group is actually National and Labour; democracy* by definition would require these two parties to work together.
        What we have is minorities extorting extreme conditions, and the major player prostituting themselves for the baubles of power.
        *One person equal votes, majority rules.

  7. ” A cruel, vicious, nasty government ”

    ” Luxon doesn’t want to do any work, so he hasn’t taken a policy portfolio. Which also tells us there’s no serious policy agenda he wants to push, and nothing he really cares about beyond the job title and salary. Even Key took tourism. Luxon, who constantyl tells us that he used to run an airline, can’t even be bothered with that.
    Shane Jones is Minister of Regional Development again, which basicly makes him Minister for Pork. Given his other famous ministerial role, the jokes write themselves.
    Judith Collins is Attorney-General, so she’ll be telling us what the BORA means. I have no confidence that she will properly fulfil her duties under section 7 to advice Parliament whether legislation breaches our human rights.
    The Ministers for Climate Change and the Environment are both outside Cabinet. Which shows us how important National thinks those issues are, despite their centrality to the government’s agenda. So are Commerce and Tertiary Education (which tells us how they feel about monopoly-busting and students), and of course Women and Disability Issues.
    The expected ultra-right policies are in there: 90-day trials for all workers, ending Fair Pay Agreements, no-cause evictions, landlord subsidies, viciousness and cruelty in the name of “law and order ”

  8. I hope that nasty vindictive spiteful traitor Anker is happy with Brooke van Veldon in charge of Workplace Relations. Wages and conditions in this country are going to be slashed to the bone, but I guess she doesnt give a fuck, As long of those LGBT’s and Maoris are dealt to.


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