Is it just me or has there been way too much wallowing All Black grief porn?

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Look.

I don’t care about Rugby.

For me, catching, kicking and running with a ball is the kind of skill set we all collectively had when we were still primitive Homo sapiens sitting around a cave fire.

By the way, I don’t give a shit about Womens sport either, I barely tolerate the fixation on male sport, I care even less about Womens bloody sport!

Again, I appreciate the physical skills required, the focus, the determination, the collective joy of cheering your team on – blah blah blah, but let’s remember, there are far greater aspects of the human experience than competitively running, jumping, kicking, throwing and catching.

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My héros are not bloody sport people, they are artists, philosophers, scientists, but after living amongst you NZers for so long, I appreciate you are all a bit Rugby mad, and I will watch a game when it’s the Rugby World Cup and I try not to be too damning about your weird fixation on fucking rugby.

B-U-T our collective deal with you Rugby freaks is that it doesn’t interfere with real news and real issues that require our focus, which brings me to the current wall to wall coverage of the All Blacks losing a series against the Irish and the universal scream to sack Ian Foster.

Now.

I’d kindly like to remind all you Rugby heads that IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER! YOUR SHITTY FUCKING GAME SHOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER TAKE UP ONE FUCKING SECOND OF THE FUCKING NEWS!

If All Black supporters are this emotional over a rugby match, wait until they hear about climate change & the inflationary Armageddon we face in an ongoing pandemic that is about to sink the global economy as War, Famine, Plague & Death stalk the horizon.

But sure, let’s endlessly bitch about sacking Ian Foster.

Look, sack everyone, I don’t give a shit, the fact this is still a story is bewildering to me!

Rugby stopped being a game a long time ago, it’s a business and fans can scream as much as they like about their disappointment because they are consumers of this business and like any business it needs to deliver to its clients.

Rugby wants to regain its cultural importance to Kiwis? Make all big test matches free on TVNZ, provide more money directly via the state into club level infrastructure and do more on concussions and head injuries so parents don’t push their kids into soccer.

Sigh – I offered advice on Rugby on a. political, see how much I genuinely care about you and your Rugby fetish?

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38 COMMENTS

  1. Nah, just woke yuppies doing routine 1980’s baby stuff.

    The All Blacks invented the pod system and Foster put a whole bunch of ball carries in (not pod system). Now everyone has an attitude problem.

    It’s the worst of all possible All Blacks teams because our best players (White Lock and Brody) are pod system guys and are getting injured cause no one really knows how to get the best from them.

    If this is the worst All Blacks era I’ll take it. Fourth in the world is still really good! Sigh!!

  2. “but let’s remember, there are far greater aspects of the human experience than competitively running, jumping, kicking, throwing and catching”

    I think for some people your statement is fundamentally not true. There will be some that, whatever their sport, some of their best memories, feelings of achievement, and well being have come through their sporting experience. Also local sports clubs do a lot for a sense of community and bringing all walks together. I get what you mean about professional sport and business but for the vast majority sport still brings a lot of value in the amateur sense.

    • Most professional “entertainment” sports stars is just the art of finding the person with best suited genetics as soon in their life as possible and then putting them through best possible training and sticking as much helper chemicals into them as you can get away with.

      That’s all they boil down to. “Rugby Deplomacy” was always about openly thumbing our noses at the economically supiorly gifted and wonderful China and America through genetic engineering, making the pointlessness of the rules based order obvious.

      Eventually genetic engineering and transhuman stuff will cause major sports to shift to rules similar to Formula One Racing, where it’s partially technology put into the car that decides the results, and it’s a feature, not a bug.

      God I love New Zealand.

      • A little reality there, thank you Sam, we are already seeing gender-confusion in sport, a result of the transhumanists’ agenda in part, and the need to compete being reduced to the lowest common denominator of a visible, physical spectacle where the spectators can live vicariously through team identification, courtesy of Sky tv et al.

    • Sport is something you do, not watch. If all you do is watch, then it is just entertainment.

      Having said that, feel free to get out there and throw/kick a ball about. Run about, hike in the hills, swim, skip, ride a bike, walk around your neighborhood or park, explore nature, climb a mountain, delve into a cave, dive in the ocean, get your kids active & involved, have adventures, paddle a kayak, run rapids, go pack rafting, go out and enjoy yourself & have fun. Really live your life. Just don’t sit on your arse, watching & think you’re participating in a sport

    • Big MB would love to be able to jump and catch. But no, his desire to spend all hours of the day in the chair reading and writing philosophy is more important.

  3. You shouldn’t have omitted the songsters and the poets – that’s where we can stumble upon truths, insofar as there are any – weavers of dreams are as necessary as the weavers of cloaks and skirts.

  4. Whadarrryaaa? ya bloody poofter of an Editor–“Eat more–Root more–Drink more piss!!” its the kiwi way mayte…except–it is not anymore.

    Barely 25% of NZers still actively support (as in watch) rugby, stands are part full, pay per view dropping off, grass roots dying as Sliver Lake sleazes in for a slice of the professional ticket clipping action.

    Rugby heads are stuck in a past New Zealand that no longer exists. As an ’81 Springbok tour protest veteran I quite enjoy it when the All Blacks get a good slapping on the field as Ireland recently delivered to them.

    • Yeah like any of the players over last how many years had anything to do with that tour( that should not have happened)? Who is living in the past now?

    • @Tiger Mountain
      The 1980’s called and they want Foreskin’s Lament back.

      TM once again revealing what a sad little man he is living in a remote past and screeching triumphant noises over hated enemies…. that as he says fewer people than ever give a shit about – except him and his doppleganger “Rugby Heads”, and the endless repeating echo in his skull of a seriously dated play.

      How dated? Well NZ rugby fans loved watching The Brave Blossoms(Japan) defeat the Boks at the 2015 WC.

      Including moi, who attended both the famous Waikato-Bok and 3rd test games… and as I said on Minto’s post on this subject:
      Played rugby. Watched rugby. A lot, admittedly mostly on TV with my Dad, … For me it slowly dwindled in the early 2000’s. I dumped SKY after the ’03 WC but the cracks were obvious two years earlier as I became saturated with the sport. When games between the All Blacks and other national teams were scattered over time you remembered them; they meant something….ore importantly my kids have zero interest in the sport, or in most sport generally

  5. I was the same but just this week I realised it was truly a blessing in diguise!

    It has taken the endless stories of covid and climate misery off the media’s high rotate list and that is just so fucking awesome to me!

    Long Live poor performing rugby!

  6. I don’t follow the All Blacks, though I’m interested in if they’re considered woke? I’m guessing a bit of ‘woke culture’ is creeping in?

    If so, is the woke-creep at the degree where the axiom, “Get Woke, Go Broke” can be invoked? I’m guessing not yet.

  7. Lol good rant Martyn. I hate rugby too. Glad I missed all the fuss as I don’t watch telly anymore, skip sports articles n switch off when anyone starts talking sport. Odd that I read this article, but assumed you’d written something enjoyable to read and I wanted to say GO THE IRISH! haha

  8. This whole episode has demonstrated 3 things
    1. The All Blacks management are up themselves, no media conference, because it does not suit them..dicks
    2. Certain All Blacks skill sets are not at the required level, for example, Sam Cane
    3. Ian Foster has not improved one player since taking over as coach…why?

          • Fans know fuck all. Y’all used to say the same things about Ma’a Nonu. The player and coaching community absolutely knew Nonu was a beast even though it made the Wellington community

          • Fans know fuck all. Y’all used to say the same things about Ma’a Nonu. The player and coaching community absolutely knew Nonu was a beast even though it made the Wonderfull Wellington loving Poneke community lash out in anger. I was there a part of the Wellington Rugdy Community so I know this.

            How wrong the colloquial click group was.

            Superiority does not come from morals, ethics, economy or politics. It comes from power. And at a very young age everyone Including myself could see Nonu had the natural gifts. He had bad technique, awful tackling, Nonu used to suplex ball carryers WWF/E style likely gleemed from watching TV (IMO). But he was still merking kids because he had superior genetics. He was basically a 20 year old in a 16 year Olds body when I came across him who did not need the ramblings of drunk internet uncle’s but the guiding Hand of a Father figure like Graham Henry with the background and experience to chart for Nonu 2 world cups and commenwealth Gold.

            Fuck your no.

        • 1. Every All Blacks staff member fully understand that criticism comes with the job. NZRU has done spectacularly well involving more and even more Spector’s.

          2. The selection rotation policy only works with names like Richie McCaw and Daniel Carter sending selections back to the 90’s when the All Blacks never used to win 96% of there games. The selection policy at the time was to keep broudly the same player group as a means of player development, which Sam Kane is obviously a beneficiary of.

          3. Ian Foster inherited the team he’s got just like every other coach.

          I think the degree Bomber is going for is New Zealand don’t need All Blacks by a noticeable degree. Like pitting Superman against high school teams. It might start boring people. And arguably there are other ways the All Blacks can operate that would perform “greater good” in society, if they choose to do so.

  9. The All Blacks are running, puffing, farting, snotting, hoiking, steaming great advertising billboards. And that’s what’s fucked them. When sports sponsorship comes in the door, heart and soul flies out the window.

  10. Here’s where I am at with the All Blacks. The haka at the beginning has to go. Serious, this ‘faux scary’ ‘we’re unfriendly’ dance spectacle at a 2 mile distance, since the ABs aren’t allowed to approach the other teams anymore, is a bit embarrassing, more so when followed by a limp shit AB performance. Do the haka after a win as a tribute to the fans. Great! Jonah lead a haka many years ago after winning the 7s…it was seriously awesome!

  11. Get one thing straight everybody: All Black rugby is not a sport.

    It’s a Big Business.

    How many other big entertainment corporations manage to hoodwink thousands into such fanatical and tribal brand loyalty? it’s more akin political tribalism in USA – and it’s embarrassing.

  12. I love rugby and sport in general but when the whistle blows its over. No post mortems or stupid analysis or feelings. It’s just a fricken game ffs.

  13. Sport is a continuous and privileged narrative of human exceptionalism. It also has another important function, as Noam Chomsky famously pointed out in his book and documentary film, Manufacturing Consent: it is a massive distraction from the realities of capitalist exploitation and manipulation. In short, it has an ideological function to distract us from the workings of ideology.
    It does have a positive side though, it channels testosterone energy into acceptable forms of violence. But this would only save us if it went hand in hand with disarmament on a global scale. Can’t see pooh-faced Putin being happy with beating the Ukrainians at rugby or whatever the fuck they play in that part of the world.

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