Delayed Election 2020 – Winners & Losers  

If only!

The election has been delayed until October 17th, there are of course in such political machinations as unprecedented as this, a plethora of political winners and losers.

Here is a but a selection.


New Labour Party Billboards

Jacinda – What a class act, magnanimously puts off election, acts decisively to give certainty and makes decision in the interests of the nation over her political party.



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Look, if this country seriously doesn’t overwhelmingly return her with a majority, what the fuck does one need to do to get a second term out of you people? Was it really just Key giving you 10% year on year untaxed capital gains from your property portfolios?

Really people?

The latest outbreak doesn’t look like it’s slipped past the border quarantine process (despite a myriad of holes being exposed over the last week), and if the contact tracing system really has worked as well as it looks like it has, then only the resurrected Christ or Billy TK with a video showing Jacinda and Grant making the virus in their basement is going to derail the best Labour Party election result since October 1917.

That said, if the plague spirals out of control and engulfs Auckland, Labour could be Trump in California level trouble.


Gerry Brownlee – With the election date moved, Gerry Brownlee’s Conspiracy Theory Youtube channel will explode with ‘questions’. Isn’t it suspicious the Lotto Machine didn’t work the week before Jacinda announced this? Has anyone ever seen Clarke Gayford in the same room as the Lotto Machine? When will Jacinda’s jackbooted socialist police state rig the Lotto draw using 5G technology? GERRY IS JUST ASKING QUESTIONS DAMMIT!


Matthew Hooton’s return to the NZ Herald – With the election date extended, the NZ Herald will manage to keep the editorial decision to re-hire Hooton (after he used his platform to inspire a coup against Simon Bridges) from being questioned by the rest of the news room who are in shock that he’s been allowed back in without even the pretence of shame for having him in the first place. Hoots has gained 4 more pay cheques until the election result makes the Herald appreciate they’ve misread their own readership and sack him.


Chloe Swarbrick and Ok Karen’s Anonymous poster child, Helen White

Chloe’s chances in Auckland Central – Labour’s Auckland Central campaign to date has been to have their candidate and poster child for Ok Karen’s Anonymous, Helen White,  coast her way in on the coat tails of Jacinda to win the electorate but with an extension that means more Auckland Central voters get to see Chloe and realise there’s only one Chloe and a thousand Ok Karens.


NZPP QAnon conspiracy circus – Jacinda’s secret socialist police are already mind jamming the sheeple with 5G, fluoridated water and chem trail 1080 drops so that a socialist secret state can twink over any mention of Tino rangatiratanga in the Treaty and make the Queen own every grain of sand on every NZ beach while sacrificing the second child of every family to the UN.

It must be true because i read it on a Facebook page!


Every Public Broadcaster in NZ – Since Kim Hill reminded everyone what they are supposed to be doing with her crucification of Judith Collins last week, every public broadcaster thinks they are left wing Mike Hosking! Expect Matty McLean to interrupt his weather report on TVNZ Breakfast to castigate David Seymour for the impact of a flat tax on beneficiaries.



Judith Collins – She says she needs more media oxygen or the election won’t be fair which is funny because the more voters see of Judith, the lower National’s polling drops as voters recoil in horror at the naked malice of her actions. If voters don’t see Judith for the next 8 weeks, National might get 30%, if voters see lots of Judith, National will be lucky to get 25%.


Actual Green Party Caucus meeting

NZ First’s Unicorn farm – How much are those Brexit bad boys costing them? Does NZ First have enough cash to keep the Green Party Union Farm going?


The knitted support toy for the victims of ACT Party gun fetishists

ACT & Green campaign funds – They barely have enough to pay for a 6 week campaign, let alone a 10 week one. David will be twerking for his supper soon and the Greens will be shooting their Unicorn and selling the horn on the black market to keep Chloe in billboards.


Jami-Lee Ross’s reputation – When the election was on September 19th, it meant that Jami-Lee Ross only had to drag the tattered shit ends of his reputation through 33 more  humiliating days, but with the election pushed out till October 17th, that’s 61 days he has to continue pulling the bleeding remnants of personal dignity over the shards of intellectual shame he must feel every second of his waking existence knowing he’s empowered a conspiracy theorist who thinks the Virus is a bioengineered weapon spread by 5G to bring about a shadowy one world Government.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer chap.


ZB, NZ Herald, Magic Talk, TV3, Prime – The majority of the large mainstream media platforms in NZ don’t have any openly left wing broadcasters at a time when the electorate is about to elect a majority Labour Government. At some stage, the simple market dynamics are going to demand they hire some or get left behind by their own audiences.



Ultimately Jacinda has chosen a course of action that blunts Judith’s attempt to spike the September 19th result by claiming the election was rigged and poison the legitimacy of a second term Labour Government while putting NZs interests above her own Party.

The only thing the Right have gained here is more rope to hang themselves with.


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  1. We are getting Sydney-like numbers dribbling through each day – if this continues and they can’t find the source then this will start to get ugly for Jacinda, Chippie and ol’ Saint Ash. They are still fumbling and stumbling around some frozen chicken wings scenario which has about a 1% chance of being true.

    For it to come through the ports then well that is another quarantine breach and another black eye for St Ash who now seems to be blaming his underlings for all the cock ups due to “miscommunication”. That’s like the captain of the Titanic blaming the deck hands and restaurant staff for crashing into the iceberg.

    I can’t see how this is a win for the PM – let’s face it we all know that she wanted a September election – she hasn’t got that because Winston threatened her and she chickened out. If numbers continue at this rate the economic and social carnage will rapidly increase. If numbers start doing a Melbourne watch out! Just ask old Dictator Dan how that is working out for him.

    This is a win for Judith and National (albeit small). It keeps the game alive if only just.

  2. Wrong! Cinders has boxed herself in! Shes fallen for Winstons trap.
    C19 hasnt even hit its peak in round 2!

    • Wrong!…(and a case of two wongs don’t make a right!) Winston only loves Cinders…( sorry Judith)

      …but he loves his Duty to his Elders more and he wants them Safe to vote for HIM!

      ( as a betting man and master of brinkmanship he is willing to bet on the C19 flare up being put down by Cinders firemen in time for the Delayed Election…and the oldies coming to his rescue ….and the Gweenies twapping themselves below 5…

      ….the Gweenies got it wong wong wong again!…Winston wasnt after a Constitutional crisis! ( ‘ref: the wabid James Gweenie on RNZ)

      ….and Winston didnt even bother to try to trap the liddle Gweenies…they trapped themselves , the silly Possums !

      …and Cinders didnt fall for James…she is taking a balanced and fair approach!


  3. Jacinda is currently seeking advice from her officials on how to make the govt’s management of CV-19 even more perfect than it is. While some doubt sheer perfection is unable to be improved on, others believe there is yet another plane of human perfection that Jacinda could reach. Catholics are appalled that some social media circles are comparing her to the Virgin Mary. At this stage St Ashley has only offered No Comment.

  4. Jami-Lee Ross?

    Personal dignity and intellectual shame? That’s in Trump territory isn’t it? You know, dignity and intellect free zone. Hydroxychloroquine country if you like.

  5. Jacinda is currently seeking advice from her officials on how to make the govt’s management of CV-19 even more perfect than it is. While some doubt sheer perfection is unable to be improved on, others believe there is yet another plane of human perfection that Jacinda could reach. Catholics are appalled that some social media circles are comparing her to the Virgin Mary. At this stage St Ashley has only offered No Comment.

  6. Did anyone notice TV1 News did’nt run one article in regards to Roger Bridges resignation? Absolute denial.

  7. I am sure….. no I am certain that Judith Collins will be her usual toxic, nasty and unpleasant self towards this delay in the election even though she herself was demanding a delay.
    And so that brings up the reality that the leader of the Opposition is all too worried about Upmanship and so-called Brownie Points than anything else.
    Is this feeble excuse of a leader so worried about the probability that she will not get the votes that she must demean herself and National to the lowest level in order to try to impress others she resorts to what one can call pure pettiness and vindictiveness??????!!!
    GOODBYE National. The longer you keep to the toxic atmosphere that Collins and Brownlee demean you to the least likely you will ever achieve any sense of respect, admiration, credibility, humanity etc in NZ.
    Petty vindictive achieves nothing but ridicule and what you(National)has achieved is something no-one would want to be a part of.
    But then I am sure many of those hard-lined National Party supporters still thinks the sun shines out of your(Nationals)rectums even when your very leader demeans you at every opportunity.

  8. Jacinda can’t hide so that the election is fair to everyone else. She has a job to do and it’s avery public one. And the longer she has that job the fewer people there are who can pretend they would rather someone else had it. D J S


    Gerry and Judy think the virus is being spread via Guinea Pigs, and the Govt. has failed to alert us!

    In addition to the routine “checking for Reds”, they’d like to remind all National voters to also check for small furry rodents under their beds tonight.

    Stay tuned for another roading announcement from the Keystone Nats tomorrow!

    • Your comments are like a deep breath of fresh air, Jase. They’re a respirator in an often toxic, Covid-inducing environment. (ahhhhh… 🙂

    • Garden gnomes also should be all rounded up and put into managed isolation facilities.
      They are escape artists, you know.

  10. Jacinda is on course to win alright; as everyone is so scarred of National not being up to handling any disaster since Christchurch remember?????

  11. Oh, also. At the Labour party conference in Auckland the other weekend, 8th August. 1500ish peeps attended and so did Jenny Salesea. She broke quarantine to be there! She was tested for C19 on the 28th July and said she wouldn’t attend any functions. Nekminit …

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