Political Caption Competition

1. Have I got the real estate opportunity for you, Simon… I have many satisfied customers, from the Chinese who paid the highest price in Parnell for my subdivided pad, to the ANZ executive that bought my Omaha Bach’.

   We can also do some discounts with ANZ related companies….

2. “Listen Simon, get the media onside and you’re sweet. Akshully Stacey Kirk is under this table right now, doing things you would NOT believe…”

3. FFS Simple! What are you doing? Arrrrh, arrh?? Heading back to Tauranga for a while I suppose?”

4. Practice smiling while you knife, Simon… it’s always worked well for me but I am a natural at it, if I don’t say so myself.

   At the end of the day, Simon, it takes decades to get this good at being a smiling assassin and I think without an investment banking background you might find it difficult to convince the common man to back something that clearly ain’t gonna work out well for them but very profitable for yourself… while still have the human fodder eating out of your hand..

   When your country/business tanks, you still need to practise smiling while the knife is still in their backs… the trick is to lie to their faces so convincingly that they blame someone else for the knife.

   Look at me, guess of honour at the National Party Conference, in spite of tanking the National party, like day trading, the trick is getting out just at the right time and still smelling of roses!!!

5. achshually, no achshually, to be fair, I cook all my lamb steaks in teflon pans. it’s a great prize.

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