Thank baby Jesus Bishop Tamaki will run in the election splitting Ngaro’s’ Angels


Thank you little baby Jesus!

I was starting to get frightened by Alfred Ngaro. His ability to attract polarised religious Pacific Islanders and angry Christians with a deal cut in an electorate could have attracted a high sub 5% vote and listening to his blunt and ignorant attack on abortion rights post Alabama was genuinely starting to get me worried.

If National gave him a free run in an electorate, he could drag in a large sub 5% vote which could be enough to see him king maker to a National Government.

Allowing this fanatical Christian Zionist with such anti-women rhetoric to hold the balance of political power would be far too scary a proposition.

So praise be to God that Bishop Tamaki is considering launching his own religious Party…

Destiny Church leader Brian Tamaki considering launching political party

Destiny Church leader Brian Tamaki is considering launching a political party, with an announcement possible next week.

Newshub can confirm the self-professed bishop is thinking about running for Parliament.

“If we are going ahead, there will be a formal announcement next week,” a spokesperson for Tamaki told Newshub.

It comes after he tweeted that he “might just launch a political party next week because whose dumb enough to vote for that mess (sic)” in response to an inquiry into bullying in Parliament.

…there’s no way the Bish could get close to 5%, his cultish appeal is only with his cult, but he would split votes from Alfred’s vehicle which would water down his power and influence and reduce his ability of propping National into Government.

Other than both believing in a magical flying invisible wizard, the other thing Alfred and John have in common are enormous egos that would never allow them to join together and play second fiddle to the other. Sure they could consider a co-leadership arrangement but both men are so supernaturally straight that the mere hint of two men co-habiting any position would be too queer for them.

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We must seek to goad both men to launch their own Christian Parties by actively feeding both their narcissisms with gushing praise.

Oh Angelic Alfred, the women need to know about abortion, tell them so the truth of your magical flying invisible wizard may help them understand their uterus far better than they ever could! Help us fund conflict in Israel so that the battle in the valley of Armageddon may bring about the Rapture in our lifetime. May you be blessed with never ending period cramps so you can truly appreciate the garbage you peddle. Amen!

Oh mighty Bishop Brian, for you surely are your magical flying invisible wizards true son who will casually bust out terms like ‘gang rape’ to describe Government agencies not funding your programme in prison despite you never having actually applied for the programme you misrepresenting little weasel.  For the magical flying invisible wizard to bless you with such wealth, motorbikes and mansions is of great puzzlement especially seeing as your magical flying invisible wizard is pretty clear that he didn’t want wealth, motorbikes or mansions. All praise the son of the lamb. Amen!

Literally, throw them in a pit and actually let God decide.

Watching these two battle it out and splinter the right wing Christian vote would almost make me believe there is a God!



  1. Praise be–two religious nutters in one week decide to get partyed up–will the Brethren be in there too somewhere? The “we don’t vote, but want to influence the election anyway!” lot.

    It will be interesting, as it is so likely that it will be “when” not “if”, someone in the Brian or Alfred “Invisible Friend Party” is found to be fond of young girls or other unpopular/unlawful pursuits. Ngaro is already well known for being a hands on fan of corporal punishment.

    And yes, strategically, two right wing Christian Parties, registered and bankrolled would indeed be bad news for the Nats chances in 2020.

  2. Remember that bit in the bible where Jesus tells the rich man to sell his things and give the money to the poor if he wanted to follow him? Can’t recall the passage where he mentions abortion – anyone enlighten me….?

  3. Wow! the 2020 election is going to be exciting with two very different christian parties fighting it out and national doing everything possible to get back into power.

    • Christians don’t fight, Michelle, they turn the other cheek.

      So Brain will be thundering around on his shiny bike constantly looking sideways (like Bill English does hovering around the fruit and veges in the supermarket wearing jandals) as he races down Pacific highways like a bloke in a Boys Own Annual circa 1955.

      Meanwhile, next time Alfred goes to punch a man he can bop him once, then tell him to turn the other cheek and bop him again.

      It’s not clear if Alf has reached that part in the New Testament where it says that Christians and Jews should turn the cheek, so maybe everyone should just keep out of his way until he does, especially children, if he’s into belting up kids.

      Any face to face of Brain and Alf is a physical impossibility if they are both turning their cheeks the other away, but what’s betting the MSM won’t do a bit of photo-shopping, and who’s to know ?

      What say they all start talking in tongues ? How will we tell ?

  4. Can you just pixelate both their faces in future please? Especially Ngaro’s?

    And especially Brain Tomahawk’s too please ? Don’t worry, we will still know who they are, but life has enough ups and downs already without having to see images of this pair on a peaceful autumn day. Ditto spring, summer and winter days.

    One of my first thoughts thoughts was, Where is the Buddhist ? We could well benefit from a gentle Buddhist politician at this stage.

    Where does Mark Mitchell, dog rescuer with the immobilised mouth, fit in? Any chance of Tarzan and the Apes ?

    Where are the holy right-wing women ? If I hadn’t gone to sleep, this could have kept me awake all night but it didn’t.

    • @ Snowwhite:

      “…Where is the Buddhist ? We could well benefit from a gentle Buddhist politician at this stage….”
      He/She wouldn’t last five minutes. bennett would kill and gut him/her and brownlee would eat him/her with mushrooms and onions.
      Read this. Go on. If dare you?
      Some time ago, I was flying out of ZQT in a helicopter towards Glenorchy and the ranges and valley’s to the West and North to scout mountain and valley locations for a U$A car ad.
      I said to the pilot via com’s. Ooooo! That looks interesting down there! Can we go a bit lower and slid left a bit? ( I was shooting out the hole where the door used to be on the right hand side. ) He said ” Nope. Can’t do. Not allowed. I have a better spot in mind anyway.”
      I looked down on a range of houses, more like Urbis type Mansions. All glass, stones of the region, and heavy timbers and and down there, I could see swimming pools, spa baths, four car garages and helicopter hangers.
      Once, not that long ago, I drove to Dunedin AP and saw a quite large Gulfstream private jet sitting there. It was slumming in Dunners because private jet parking at ZQT was full up.
      Now, some of you might think I have an envy thing going on. Maybe even a little jealousy. You’d be right. I do, and have. Fuck yes I do.
      Why is it going to take adern 10 years to only halve child poverty? Halve it! ?That’s one half of our hungry, anxious, deprived therefore permanently emotionally disabled kids who live in a rich country being slightly less so.
      A half! That, right there, is a fucking insult! Fuck adern! Fucker her wanker mates in OUR parliament! Fuck them! Fuck them all! And when you see the fuckers! Tell them and tell them very, very loudly!
      Those riche foreign C’s are treating us like irrelevancies. A mild annoyance around their holiday homes at best. We must be like mosquitoes to them. The trouble for them however is that it’s still illegal for them to pack us into ablution blocks and spray us. And!? And they have our gubbimint all bought and paid for. Paypal pete theil anyone??? Strolled right past our ‘Immigration’ ministry by waving billions about? What, is fucking Buddhist about that then?
      If this doesn’t make Street Level Maori and Pakeha extremely angry then you must be fucking brain dead .

      • They’re not Buddhist, and they are irrelevant to us much more than we are to them. Anyone wanting to live in a house the size of an airport or railway station foyer is too attached to themselves- and probably batty, rich or not. I can get into bed at night happy I have a bed, and a roof over my head and a cup of tea and a good book, and that’s a positive awareness I’m lucky to have. Who wants to live in an airport foyer with a thousand concealed lights and piped sound systems and pools someone else has to clean ?

        These rich guys buying up the country and building themselves fortresses to survive Armageddon are buying themselves a bit of time, that’s all, and an infinitesimal amount of time in terms of eternity. They all die anyway. A couple of them have- Doug Myers, Roger Kerr, and rich Brits whose names I forget- but if they plan to stay entombed as the planet fights back, those of us out here on the same side as planet earth who have tried and keep trying to work with it, our gene stock is, I suggest of greater value to the future than mutants whose only worth is measured in terms of money, and money which they have to pay others to do what thinking people, and perfectly ordinary people, learn to do for themselves.

        They’re fucking themselves, crippled with uber anxiety levels for nano seconds of extra living in silk pyjamas.

        Yes, it’s to no-one’s credit that it is going to take so long for the Ardern govt to eradicate child poverty – if they ever do – but that’s more due to the inadequate people we put into power, than to the rich outsiders who have been allowed to buy up the country, and to politicians who do what they think they can get away with, and no more.

        Recently reread, “Cry The Beloved Country,” and was pretty appalled to recognise it as about New Zealand today.

      • ‘Restore the benefit cuts’ is as good Left propaganda as ‘the living wage’. Our nipping at the budget responsibility rules this time has had some effect. But most people are concentrated on not losing their step on the pyramid of privileges. The outcome of plutocratic divide and rule politics. Ardern has read her polls on our opinion of the ‘least’ of us. Or, in NZ welfare statese, the ‘heart’ of us. Just needs a speaker of heart like Sanders or Corbyn. But for reasons of talent being paid off nowadays they are the rarest bird.

  5. Keep away from these fuckers. The more time spent analysing their drivel the more oxygen you give them.
    Steven Fry said in an interview once and I paraphrase ” Look. The best way to defeat trump is to ignore him. No matter the kind of criticism one levels at trump, it doesn’t matter. It’s that we do debate trump. That, inflates his ego and feeds his narcissism. ”
    ngaro and tamaki are trump-like irritating irrelevancies. Ignore them.
    Or? There will be a terrible ground swell from the vast pool of stupid people out there who will, indeed, vote for them. Then, we’ll get a perverse, jonky-esque/jesus-freak clone party that’ll make trump look like an orange squeaky toy for your doggo.
    “Mob rule” Derived from that ancient Greek word: ‘Democracy’. Another fear of Steven Fry’s. And now mine. Thanks mate.

  6. “there’s no way the Bish could get close to 5%, his cultish appeal is only with his cult, but he would split votes from Alfred’s vehicle which would water down his power and influence and reduce his ability of propping National into Government”

    Even with god’s vote, it won’t be enough (god and his kid both get only 2 votes each, just like the rest of us mere mortals)

    And i don’t think Tamaki can automatically rely on the Big Guy’s endorsement

    But yeah, Martyn, having both Ngaro , Tamaki, and the fascist New Conservatives all chasing the conservative vote, its a heaven-sent (excuse the pun) political development

    Having that misogynist David Seymour in parliament is more than enough of a right wing looney voice

  7. Just for fun. I hope the Bishops “Coalition” party gets up and the gweens get killed off at the next election. That’ll make watching parliament interesting.

  8. A trigger for a Born Again stampede to the polls in support of Mr. G., would be guaranteed by a coalition of Rosicrucians, Neo Platonists, Martinists, Sophian Gnostics, Gurdjeffians, Thelemists, Thulists, Tarot Readers and the Ascended Brotherhood of Great White Elephants with renowned psychic Morgan la Fey channelling The Invisible Hand, Melchizidec, Aristophanes and Trotsky.

  9. Christian parties put up clods. But despite ‘you shall know them by their fruits’ there’s always 4-5 % of b.a.s waiting around for the next one. That’s the beauty of proof not coming into your belief system.

  10. Now all we need is for one of the Marvellous Men to discover “common sense” while involved in a worm-led TV debate and we will end up with a dozen or so in parliament. Been there, done that.

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