Trump on tour would require a spoiler alert, but if you’re reading this you already know his sad ignorance of international protocol has not lead to total world annihilation. But hey, with Trump it’s always anything can happen day, so it might just occur before you finish the page.
Big news seems to be the gang sign showdown, otherwise known as world leader power-handshake-off, it was Trump who had to shake, shake, shake it off, because his tiny little hands were white-knuckling it so hard after French leader Emmanuel Macon won the first round of toughest grip in Sicily.
Round 2 was when Macon dissed Trump by ignoring him to greet all the other cool world leaders, then finally when he there was no one else left, Trump tried to wrench his arm off, but instead Macon took it, wrenched it back and gave him a little pat on the arm, like “Nice try little man.”
It appears all the world leaders have been practising, knowing that Trump is a giant douche who is worse at shaking hands than John Key.
If only handshaking, not pushing, or protocol of any kind were the only thing he was bad at. But Trump is terrible at presidenting on every level.
Angela Merkel let Europe know that it had broken up with America due to the crapy dates she’d had with Trump. This is the best news ever for Russia; Putin is probably really excited NATO won’t be checking future aggressions like those in the Crimea.
But since Trump wants America to be insular, and is pretty much acting in the best interests of Russia anyway, having the whole G-7 summit in Sicily be about handshakes and shoving and not about climate change or human rights. As an added bonus the Whitehouse didn’t have to run constant interference and do damage control to cover up the crazy stuff he generally does at home.
Because guess what? Despite the media being really exciting about what Trump’s hands are grabbing now, there is real news happening in America.
Remember how we all laughed when Trump told Kushner “If you can’t produce peace in the Middle East, nobody can,”? Because what else says peace in the Middle East like white male privilege?
Well he may not get the chance now because Kushner is like, so embarrassing since he discussed setting up a back-channel between Russia and the Trump transition team. Whoops. Hands up anyone surprised (who isn’t still clutching theirs in agony after a brutal Trump squeeze).
Then there’s Mike Dubke’s resignation. For a guy whose title was director of communications, you’d think he’d be able to communicate the reason he quit, but I guess he went with everyone’s mum’s favourite adage, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Then there’s the ongoing investigation into Russian manipulation of the 2016 American election.
That Republican led debacle has gone quiet in the wake of all the shade thrown by the Trump handshake catastrophe. Trump, still doing the job of the magician’s assistant.
If you’re in the audience, watch those tiny hands closely.
CBS News. (May 30, 2017) “Recent revelations about Jared Kushner could impact his influence with Trump.” Retrieved from www.cbsnews.com May 31, 2017.
Hulse, C. (May 30, 2017) “Four senators to watch in the Trump-Russia investigation.” Retrieved from www.nytimes.com May 31, 2017.
Pasha-Robinson, L. (May 30, 2017) “Mike Dubke quits: Donald Trump’s spin doctor resigns with no explanation.” Retrieved from www.independent.co.uk.
Revesz, R. (May 29, 2017). “Donald Trump acted like ‘a drunk tourist’ on Europe trip that led Angela Merkel to proclaim end of US alliance.” Retrieved from www.independent.co.uk on May 30, 2017.
Rubin, J. (May 26, 2017) “Trump muddles through his big trip.” Retrieved from www.politico.com May 31, 2017.
York, C. (May 25, 2017) “Donald Trump loses handshake battle with president of Tajikistan, Bigly.” Retrieved from www.hufingtonpost.co.uk on May 31, 2017.
Andra Jenkin co-wrote Double-Edged Sword- The Simonne Butler Story, and contributed to New Zealand Anthology of Women’s Comics ‘Three Words.’