Trump’s presidency is being run not from the Whitehouse, but from his smartphone. Why Twitter founder Jack Dorsey hasn’t put us all out of our misery and shut down his account, or better yet, why some dweeb with too much time and lotion on his hands hasn’t hacked the account and run the presidency from his mother’s basement, is beyond me.
But if you want to know what President Trump is up to, Twitter is the place to go. I’ve planned some self-flagellation for later on tonight as I’m guilty of joining the 26 million people following @realDonaldTrump. I’m sure we all have good reasons for stroking the monster’s ego, but I do feel dirty and traitorous none the less.
I was trying to mind my own business this week. I took almost a whole week off from rubbernecking at the horrors the American president is visiting upon creation, to do things that didn’t make me want to retch then kill myself. I got on with my life and rather than getting hard evidence, I just assumed he was still getting his news from Fox, and Fox was getting their news from him in a completely pointless circle jerk of factless ignorance.
But then I accidently heard that Trump thinks Obama has listened in on his pre-election campaign conversations using a wiretap, and almost wrenched an earlobe trying to listen to this new unlikely atrocity.
Only Trump is capable of coming up with a scenario involving himself, Obama and a wiretap and casting Obama as Nixon.
Why Obama would think for an instant that Trump was worth tapping is beyond the ken of anyone other than the grand pooh bah himself. Back then nobody thought he would win.
But politics requiring too much concentration to deal with for long, it was only an hour after accusing Obama of something that Nixon was impeached over, that Trump started dissing Arnie.
Arnie has the job Trump used to have, Trump’s got the job Obama used to have, is Trump so insecure that he has to turn everything into a pissing contest? There’s someone working in a Russian laundry who knows for sure, but the rest of us can guess.
Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s just senile and got confused by which of the men who occupied the same job as he has, he was supposed to be tweeting about.
But the tweeters of the internet disagreed, a sample of the reactions show his followers had mixed emotions. Some were concerned.
@peterbrack: “This tweet, directly after an accusation of Obama wiretapping you? Are you ok? We’re all worried.”
@readphilhendrie: “Wait. An hour earlier you were rampaging about tapped phones. Now it’s time for Hollywood news? You’re mentally ill, sir”
Others counted their blessings.
@EdGlavin “we’re so lucky as a nation that you have made time to focus on this today #blessed”
Yet more seemed a bit annoyed.
@alanilagan “STOP. Just stop. You are a menace to our country if you are focussing on this. Let an adult run our country #TrumpRussia”
@marklwalberg: “hey, who’s running the country while you watch tv? We really don’t care that your ratings were better.”
Some even got a bit shouty.
@Leaittnovelist: “OMG with all that is happening THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE CONCERNED WITH?”
Even scrolling through his tweets is disconcerting. How has he got this much time? There are a lot of tweets. Like, a lot. Way more than most people should be able to get away with while they’re at work, let alone when your job is the President of the United States of America.
Which is why some of his followers wanted Trump to do something he appears incapable of, acting like a president.
@anniewallace: “Are you EVER going to stop acting like a spoiled brat and try and bring some dignity to your office? No, I thought not.”
But Trump is not an actor; he’s a reality TV star. In reality TV, it’s the person who really thinks they deserve to win the most that does so. It’s as if the fourth wall came down and his delusions of grandeur became so strong they came true. Like a twisted Pinocchio with head cavity full of wood rot, Donald Trump was determined to become a real president and the Steve Bannon fairy granted his wish. But there the similarity ends. Pinocchio, although made of wood, walked and talked like a real boy. Far from acting presidential, Donald is acting like a marionette.
Try as I might, I can’t figure out if the way the President is tweeting echoes his destructive cabinet choices. They appear to be random, idiotic and senseless, but maybe he’s not batshit crazy. Well, he is, but maybe the way that is expressed is deliberate.
What if Bannon just winds him up, shoves him in front of Fox and gives him his phone for a reason? If you scroll through his texts all the way back to before the campaign (assuming you haven’t removed your eyes or your brain with a plastic spork while doing so), you’ll see a whole lot of rally pictures with ‘Make America Great Again’ all over them, but only the occasional tweet that shows just how out of touch with reality the reality tv star was.
Either someone has gone through and deleted a good portion of the crazy, his campaign manager managed to manage his nutbar outbursts, or he was more in control of himself back then.
But now the insane ramblings and bizarre accusations have gotten so hyperbolic The Joker could take his correspondence course. If he wasn’t so bloated, I’d be wondering if the paranoid accusatory fantasies weren’t due to a massive out of control meth addiction.
But maybe he’s crazy like a fox. Is the outrageous behaviour all an act? He seems deranged, but an orange clown waving and ranting and screaming ‘Look at me!’ might be the point. He’s getting a lot of terrible, non-constitutional legislation through executive orders through, while he’s creating one stupid tweet after another then forgetting them, like a gold fish with ADHD.
So is this a case of the magician’s assistant doing his job? Donald is wearing a glittering sequined number, while Bannon waves his wand and pulls racist legislation out of his arse. The worst part is that the outcome will happen before we figure out where Trump is coming from.
Andra Jenkin co-wrote Double-Edged Sword- The Simonne Butler Story, and contributed to New Zealand Anthology of Women’s Comics ‘Three Words.’