A religious fanatic, a crypto-fascist and a Dalek – these are our choices for Prime Minister of NZ?

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You don’t appreciate the hole that Key has left in the National until you look at the cast of mutants who are now vying for his job. National without John Key is like a night out in Hamilton without alcohol or condoms – dull and terribly risky.

The cavalcade of political circus freaks vying for the top job speaks to the haste and secrecy of Key’s resignation. If English believed in September that Key was serious about stepping aside, he would have at least been certain of whether he was running, the shock of the resignation was a far larger surprise to National than Key’s cover story allows for.

While we still attempt to investigate the why of that resignation, let’s look at the beauty competition judged by lepers that the National Party leadership race is descending into.

 

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Bill English – the religious welfare hating fanatic

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What many always miss about English is that he is a fanatical Catholic. I wouldn’t be surprised if he whips himself to sleep nightly. English desperately needed Key because English has all the charm and personal warmth of a road accident. Key was the smiling vacant face while English spent time privatising state housing, expanding the neoliberal welfare state and pushing for mass surveillance of beneficiaries. For English, the greatest sin is state welfare which allows the poor to gravitate towards secular institutions as providers instead of fearing the lamb of Christ. His dull and tepid public statements are designed to calm markets, it isn’t to inspire voters. Those within the Party who just want to make it to the election without too much internal blood letting will back English.

The only reason English is running is to stop Judith from being the Leader. English is Bennett’s mentor, so if English wins, expect him to hold the reigns and then retire to give it to Bennett.

 

Jonathan Coleman – The Dalek

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The Minister of Wheeze, Dr Croak has a voice honied by years of cigarettes and stepping on poor peoples dreams. Possibly the most hopeless Minister ever, he did a shit job with Broadcasting and he’s a joke in Health. He wouldn’t publicly eat the cheap slop he was forcing hospital patients to eat and had the audacity to privately eat it and tweet about how yummy it was. The entire fiasco was so carefully managed so that Coleman wouldn’t gag while eating it publicly.

He sounds like a dalek and has all the personality of a dalek. The least deserving individual in Cabinet, his running is to make it look like a competition of ideas when it really isn’t.

 

Judith Collins – the crypto-fascist 

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The majority within National fear Judith Collins because they believe she would use the power of the Office in terrible ways that would actually make NZ more Police state than functioning democracy. She has huge support in the backbenches and wants to implement the slater-lusk plan to enrage white voters to do a Trump here in NZ.

Dumped in 2014 for her role in helping Cameron Slater attempt to take out the Serious Fraud Office, her winning would empower Slater back into being her main attack dog.

Do we really want this back in Politics?

Whale Oil blogger Cameron Slater is interviewed by Jonathan Milne for an Insight feature. 18th February 2014 Herald on Sunday photograph by Doug Sherring WGP 24Jun14 - WAG 24Jun14 - RGP 24Jun14 - BTG 24Jun14 - HBG 24Jun14 - NAG 24Jun14 -

 

Watch who Maggie Barry and Simon Bridges back to glean where this will end. If English wins, expect Collins to run a guerrilla civil war against him for the next 10 months.

The only certainty is now the Key brand has stepped aside, NZers get to see the viciousness of the National factions in all their glory.

 

22 COMMENTS

  1. Love it – fantastic descriptions and anecdotes of the candidates! In particular…

    “I wouldn’t be surprised if he whips himself to sleep nightly. English desperately needed Key because English has all the charm and personal warmth of a road accident. Key was the smiling vacant face while English spent time privatising state housing, expanding the neoliberal welfare state and pushing for mass surveillance of beneficiaries.”

    “The Minister of Wheeze, Dr Croak has a voice honied by years of cigarettes and stepping on poor peoples dreams. Possibly the most hopeless Minister ever, he did a shit job with Broadcasting and he’s a joke in Health. He wouldn’t publicly eat the cheap slop he was forcing hospital patients to eat and had the audacity to privately eat it and tweet about how yummy it was.”

    “Judith Collins – the crypto-fascist”

    I know too much to choose from, but Collins is probably the scariest candidate for NZ. She’s Trump, Hitler, Imelda Marcos and Thatcher with the Enron accountants, rolled into one body. Horror is back!

  2. Stop denigrating religion. Some of our best loved prime ministers on the left were devout Christians. Michael Joseph Savage was a principled Catholic and no doubt this led to his basic decency and his concern for social justice and his setting up of the Welfare State. Likewise Norman Kirk was a practising Salvationist and again his Christian principles made him who he was.

  3. Very good descriptions of the present pathetic contenders for the crown.

    Walking dead Blinglish is so boring and uninteresting, he’s become almost invisible … yawn … zzzzzzz ….

    Coleman is just as bland and uninspiring, without the experience of Blinglish … ho hum …

    And Collins … ye Gods … the incarnation of all that is hell in its full demonic fury! A vicious viper, spitting venom and toxin at every turn! And yes, she will be aiming the poison at Blinglish if he (most likely) wins the job! He will definitely need God on his side! Lets hope his piety to his church has paid off! With Collins scorned, spitting hellfire and brimstone, he will be needing it!

  4. Please let it be Judith Collins. She would alienate mainstream NZ and make National unelectable, much like Don Brash did. The woman is the epitomy of right-wing nastiness. Can you imagine her mate, Cameron Slater as her Chief of Staff? Head of SIS? Or maybe a whole new governmental org, with a Brown Shirt as uniform??

    As for Jonathan Coleman, he would be way out of his depth and the opposition would shred him.

  5. Oh Christ ! I did a little bit of panic-sick!

    I’m buying an ocean-going yacht.

    The Jonky, narcissistic bully that he is has left us with a nail bomb wrapped in arseholes.
    I was sitting in a ghastly little fly trap of a cafe down here in Coastal South Otago with my female human, special cuddles, hug giver and eaves dropped on a grouping of old, grey/white female humans muttering about flower seeds and of the weather. They were farmer types, I could tell by their plumage. The ubiquitous gingham shirt, up turned collar and bobbed off hair in a style you’d expect to see only after a savage guinea pig attack.
    They sat and bowled out round vowels making a sound not unlike ball bearings being fed down a plastic drain pipe.
    ” Hoofff Wooooble, woooble, Boooble, woooble, booble ! Haw, haw haw ! ”
    Then. Then I heard jonky’s name whispered in a tone as if into the nape of his neck while waltzing with him as Gin suffused their bloodless corpses yet to fall over.
    I cranked my ears up a gear and leaned as far as I dared lest I fell over H as she tut tutted and rolled her eyes.
    I asked ” Do you think I should pop over for a chat? ” To my horror, she said ” Yep! ”
    I didn’t in the end. I was too cowardly to get into a brawl with six old women with Jonky Lust coursing through their withered veins.
    Here’s a word of caution. If the dodgy, devious, double dipping, Dipton Dribbler. Little, ‘Big’ Billy English gets in. Again? We’re fucked.
    Forget Fox Hunting. It’ll be Tally Ho and off to the Homeless Hunts chaps!
    Down to the Otara Markets for a spot of What O Darkie !
    There’ll be an U$A aircraft carrier parked up in every port, the hoards of $-Elite will infest our lands and we’ll be ‘seen orf ‘ with a quick spank on the britches.

  6. Well, one things for certain, …anyone of these circus clowns means auto lose in future elections – if not 2017.

    The fact that there are so many blatantly obvious factions and rivalry’s coupled with so many scandals, rorts, gaffes, and general baggage with each of them spell it all out.

    Nationals a gone burger.

    Keys gone.

    1 more year left. If that.

    This coming election will devolve into a fiasco with National , their PR machine not being able to cope with the workload because of the sheer number of skeletons in the closets – which are not even in the closet anymore because they are publicly well known.

    David Farrars job will be like the proverbial trying to make a silk purse from a sows ear.

    And if the Lusk / Slater camp try to influence things through Collins, the history of Dirty Politics will be haunting them at every step of the way.

    And the public will see through it all simply because there is no longer any unknown Key type character that is to be flown in to be the dark horse without a history to build an image around.

    • I wish it were true. Coleman has no chance, it’s between English and Collins, and if it’s Collins there’s a very real chance that NZ will follow the USA and elect a sociopath. Labour is hopeless, their main selling point is that they’re not National, and that does not inspire voters.

  7. It’s kind of like a choice between execution by firing squad;execution by hanging, or execution by electric chair. The point is EXECUTION, not the method, that is the fact.

  8. It’s like watching Sauron summon the dark lord all over again. Not because it’s canon, just because there’s only a few ways to breath life into the dead corpse that use to be the kiwi dream. It’s just we’re moving further apart from each other

  9. Don’t underestimate Labour’s ability to seize defeat from the jaws of victory. I think Crusher = Trump in the machinations of the Lusk/Slater crew.

  10. I wonder who the rank and file National Party members prefer?
    Oh that’s right: they get diddly squat say in the matter. They pay their membership dues and then are ignored.
    The great democratic institution known as the NZ National Party.
    What a joke they are.

    • “The great democratic institution known as the NZ National Party.”

      “The great democratic institution known as the NZ Parliament.” There. Fixed.

      I have the feeling that Important People who turn up at fund-raising dinners have influence regardless of the stripes or spots of the Party throwing the feast. Something about the best representation that money can buy…

      However, the voting public will like whoever is offered, if it knows what is good for it. It was ever thus. Unfortunately.

      Time for a rethink?

  11. Let’s not get too excited about the idea of Collins being unelectably toxic. That’s what Clinton and her minions thought about Trump, and look where that got them?

    The new National leader-elect is not that important. What’s important is vision and policy. Brand Key and his Crosby-Trextor gremlins were very effective at distracting people away from, and keeping the oppostion focused on shallow personality politics, leaving us looking grumpy spoilt children. It is this, more than any real popularity on Key’s part that kept National winning elections.

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